Yes, the Diamonds in the Fog comments are somewhat cryptic. I imagine even you can't decipher them...
Happyhappy your X-ray eyes detected everything I intended with Doctor Pavlov Dog - your telepathic litcrit skills have not waned over the years. It's a bit risky starting a sociopathic noir novel with a rape scene but the next chapter is funny haha & funny peculiar. No more Staziland (you're right re this - maybe it's the tiles and filthy grouting?).
your last review, o'boy, idiot!
Just wanted to make sure you could see my 'thanks' for your comment on Is it True About all the Lies. Much appreciated. Hope all is well with you.
Thanks Eamon for reading my work and your kind words on Pastoral Hide & Seek! Look forward to checking out your work!
Thanks Eamon for your kind words on Blemish in the Blood. Yes, it's actually an excerpt of a short story being read by a character in the novel I'm working on, hence the italics, which I didn't bother to change when I posted here. Wanted to see what kind of reaction that snippet would receive. Appreciate your reading!
Re: Hypochondriasis. Glad you liked it. Didn't quite understand the question, though.
Eamon Byrne: either on dropping to sleep after writing and posting, or upon waking before spotting your comment, "evocative" was a notion I'd hoped to've attained, with the thought of adding "evoke" or "evocative" or "evocation" to the title even, but since something seems to've worked, any such addition now would seem superfluous. Thank you too for noticing, enjoy all further wanderings wherever, and keep up all good work as you do, grazie. s
Eamon, thank so much for reading my story. It's interesting to think of myself as using the conventional techniques of fiction, but of course I am. It feels like years of journalistic feature writing have landed me there, and it's not a bad place,really. But I started out as a prose poet, something I'd also like to explore again.
Hi Eamon, thanks for reading and commenting on my bike story. And thanks for the Gombrowicz quote, too. After reading it, I was imparted with the same feeling my opening sentence had given. I found them to be very similar, both in tone and style. I guess there isn't much originality left in literature.
eamon, you continue to inspire and validate my writing on this site. thank you for the kind words.
Thank you so much for reading my novel vignette Eamon! Feel free to jump in at any chapter, as I tried to write it in a way that readers could join at any point. Not sure I succeeded in that but that was the intention!
Thanks for your considered comments, Eamon -- if I ever write Chapter Two, it's something to look out for, the italics thing -- and perhaps at that point I'll go back and look very closely at my liberal dispensing of italics in Chapter One.
Thanks so for your comments on "Madwoman." I am following you and looking forward to reading more of your work.
thanks, eamon, for commenting on "For Carol". Reincarnation has always fascinated me and whatever spiritual persuasion I have had at different times, I've tried to fit it in, and I always will. Forever.
Thanks for your comments on my stories, eamon. I really appreciate your insight and attention to the stories.
thanks for your comments on "Madwoman," Eamon!
thank you, eamon, for your comment on "fox". i've used this voice recognition technique actually. this piece also poured forth, as the little buggers sometimes do. your observations are fascinating to me.
wow, here i am again on your page thanking you for commenting upon a story. thanks!
thank you for the careful reading & commentary on "before the bloodbath". great analysis—and i really liked "metronomic rhythm". active verbs, i suppose lead the reader outside of the scene, so if you want to keep 'em close and personal, this is a way to do it. of course this is not something i know or even realize while writing...
Thank you for reading and critiquing my piece "An Hour Every Afternoon"--You are right: it shouldn't be in the essay group. I'm not sure how to get it off. I'm not sure why I put it there--it's been so long. Thanks again.
Eamon, thanks for reading Tool and leaving your comment, I appreciate!
Thanks, Eamon. Nice hearing from you again. I just pasted the text in from WORD. The final words/characters were more spread out in the original, but I was happy that the format was preserved here, at least in part.
Thanks for your thoughtful response to "Getting Godless," Eamon. I particularly like your Futurist manifesto reference. Since I love Marinetti, I take that as high praise. All your comments were insightful as well as helpful.
Thank you, Eamon, for coming around and leaving the commment regarding "On the train to Otsu Station." Always good to hear from you.
eamon, you are a challenging writer and commemotator, thank you for your words and your attention! Peace, Amy
Thanks for your comments on "Oaxaca Dreamland." I appreciate your feedback.
Eamon, i tend to like micro shorts, and post modernism is a fav of mine too. I dont know if they will ever be longer, Although my hope and prayer is that I will one day write a longer peice, ie winesburg ohio is a favorite of mine. Thank you for your comment. Peace Amy
Thank you very much eamon for the comment on dream matter micro, I thank you for taking a gander at my writing and for the thoughtfulness in your commentary, peace amy
Eamon, thanks for reading and commenting on "Calibration." Just noticed your comment there. Good to see you about here.
Thanks for the nice words, eamon. Yours is pretty good, too.
Thanks, Eamon, so glad to see you're still following this piece. Another aspect of revision--and your point was well taken,by the way-- is that I often revise pieces while they're up on fictionaut, and in that sense everything I do is a WIP.
Thanks, Eamon, for the fave and comment on "Watching Bobby die." These retrospective pieces are difficult to gauge, if for no other reason than the writer has a personal stake in the perspective. Appreciate the feedback. Casting around over here with possible voices to use in a novel. It's one way to use this site and, for me, probably the best, simply because the audience is more discerning than most. Least ... I hope so.
Thank you for taking the time to comment on my piece, Rue Saint Maur, 3:14am. I always appreciate any and all suggestions, so I made some changes. I appreciate it.
Thanks so much for your kind words on 'Cobbler's Clinch', a fine start to the day!
Thanks for your kind and generous comments on "Remember Me to the Motherland." Tense is actually my weak point, so when I wrote this (back in '05), I deliberately set out to write it in the simple past, as if the reader was already in the future and had unarchived a past relic.
You are perceptive reader, and a sensitive critic.
hello eamon. thanks for starting to dig into what i'm doing. any resonances i can establish that bring robbe-grillet to mind please me to no end. i'm best-manning a wedding this weekend..i'll begin to reciprocate as a reader once that's falling into the past, further and further into the past.
Hi Eamon, thanks for reading my snail story, and thanks for commenting, too. foster.
Thanks for your comments on my stories. I appreciate it and am glad you like them.
Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Eamon, thanks so much for your kind words about my story, If. Much appreciated!
I appreciate your considered analysis as well as your generous assumption that I am serious about half of the time. The truth is that I am completely full of shit almost one hundred percent of time.
Doing revisions. Out of curiousity, though, what was the pattern, or, part of the pattern?
Thanks for the very considerate, close reading of The Octopus, Eamon. I have been very interested in collage lately, along with the saturated, de-stabilized, liquid self. I always look forward to reading your comments.
Thanks, Eamon, for visiting "Epitaph..." and the kind words. Best to ya' and then some.
eamon, thanks for reading Teacher. I enjoy your insightful comments wherever I see them posted and I particularly appreciate your encouraging comments on this story.
Thanks for your kind words about Lake Chelan, much appreciated Eamon.
Thanks for your comments on American Dream, eamon. Very appreciated!
... from other three-dimensional characters.
And I've never read Marquez. I'm more a Bolano guy.
Thanks, Eamon, for your considered response to "Nanette 6".
I don't consider good writing wasted on the material (this or any other), though there will always be those who make value judgments about the characters. Nanette, the POV character in this passage, is not a street-level crackhead-type whore, like you will encounter in your Vollmann (and good luck getting through that), but rather a call girl. More to the point, the call girl that the other narrator, X, meets at the beginning of the overall story.
This story, in total, is now moving into the area of metafiction: Nanette, it turns out, is actually the author of X, at least to a very large and mysterious extent.
Context is very important to this, whether or not I here romanticize Nanette. There's a lot going on with her: student, daughter, writer, and call girl, all of it coming into conflict in this chapter. And in New York, you will find, the quality of call girls is such that they are indistinguishable from other thr
Thanks, Eamon, for your thoughtful read of New World. And of course you hit it on the head; I think it could either be shorter or longer (I'm tending toward longer -- I like the 40 weeks, as compared to the 40 days/nights). I am also interested in keeping some of the ambiguities alive, maintaining some of the mystery in the piece, but I appreciate the critique you offer and see how certain parts need more explication. Will do a round with draft two soon... Thanks, as always, for your carefully considered feedback.
Thanks kindly, Eamon, for your comments about "Hotel Chelsea - Intercut 6" - high praise indeed.
Eamon, just wanted to let you know how impressed I am with your commentary on about various pieces up here.
Thanks for your interesting comments on "Acute Amusement."
My line breaks are not arbitrary, but I do play with whether I want the emphasis to fall on the last word of a line (as in Shakespeare) or to fall on the first word of a new line (as in Hopkins: for example, the line "like the ooze of oil /Crushed" from "God's Grandeur.") The second practice sometimes makes the poems feel more like prose paragraphs. Sometimes my line break decisions are based on metrics and syllable counts, other times on visual shape. I do like that 5 x 8 box you mention (at least much of my recent work is in that form). The boxy poems also work in (or against) the sonnet tradition being mostly 14 lines. I agree that shape is form and form feeds content.
re: aphorisms. Love to read and write aphorisms (follow me on Twitter for my own daily aphorisms) and I do include many in my poems. Excellent observation.
Appreciate your comments and you thoughtful response to my poems. Thanks!
Thanks indeed, Eamon for the very kind comments on "The Warden". I have a very high regard for your opinion, good or critical, and words like these waft me back to the keyboard with delusions of novel dancing in my head.
Thanks kindly for reading my story and your comment.
Glad you liked "Greyhound." Thanks for commenting. Yes, the allusion is to "Prufrock."
Thanks for commenting on "The House Flounder." Point well taken. I agree wackiness is a serious matter.
Thanks greatly, Eamon, for the cogent remarks on "Pacific Light" and the kind ones on "See?" Always good to have your searching eye play across my work.
Appreciate the comment! I would have to agree that the piece is a failure (at least on the level I'm inferring you identified). It isn't exactly polished, to say the least. Definitely took note of what you said about "noodling" (though I am unsure of its meaning. Maybe an Aussie phrase?). As for formatting and grammatical structure, I just do what seems syntactically necessary.
Hi Eamon, thanks for your comments re "Chelsea 4", which I appreciate. In all honesty I don't know what this story is turning into, only that Fictionaut is getting first crack at it because I'm posting as I write. And the narrator/protag is not supposed to be a victim, btw, instead faces consequences of his own actions, and experiences self-pity for not facing them. The realization/epiphany/climax you refer to is coming in Scene 5. I'm glad Sc 4 inspired you to read the other parts.
Thanks for the comment Eamon. What is a comma but a pause in the reader's breath? Are we writers not charged with rousing them from their coma? Farewell to the 'fare thee well gentle reader' of yore. I don't want to just modulate their breathing, or even take their breath away through audacity. I yearn to produce the blackout of sexual asphyxiation before cutting them a bit of slack and letting them revive their fulgurating consciousness, before taking them down again and again until they reach the most played out of orgasmic release. Or I could just insert some more commas I guess.
Love & silky lexigraphic ligatures.
Eamon, thank you for your thoughtful comments on 391! As always, you are spot-on. I've always had certain issues with punctuation, especially commas. Thanks for your critique, and for pointing out specific areas to work on, I found that to be immensely helpful.
Good to see you back here with is Von. Did you get that movie clip I sent you?
Eamon. Thank you for the thoughtful comments and perspective. It was a nice, concise critique. I did what to address the 'unbelievableness' of the buckets and numbers. They are just little known orinthological facts. I researched on Audubon and a few other college sites that conduct studies of this phenomenon. Scientists have conducted interviews with janitors and streetcleaners who clean up the nightly slaughter. The numbers are higher during peak migration...(we)humanity rarely sees it because 'scavengers' have scraped the pavement clean.
September! Yes - this is a metaphor for 9/11 & also why I again referenced birds dying by the thousands from 'window hits' & the process of cleaning up those remains, post 9/11.
Thank you again for reading, commenting & pointing out some areas that may not be as convincing in this piece. It gives me something to think about as I work.
Eamon, thanks so much for your meticulous read and comments on 615. I feel curiously buoyant now. I hope that, wherever you are, your morning/afternoon/evening is progressing along in a pleasant manner.
Thanks for reading the naked man of barcelona and for your thoughtful comment. sincere apologies for the late reply. I'm still learning my way around here.
And thanks, too, for your comments on Pi in the Sky. Maybe we should start a group... :)
Thank you for your excellent read of Celebrating Difference. I am thinking on all those things, and I agree with so much you say. I really like the way you pick up simple things too, like the need for subtlety in the beginning -- giving away my position with "delicious" too soon. Appreciate your insights and your care so very much.
yes, been around Fictionaut for a while now and reading insightful comments goes along nicely with the reading of good work. Cheers!
Eamon - I truly enjoyed reading your comment on Ann Bogle's Brock and Cheryl - you said it so much better than I was able to and gave me some food for thought to boot.
I loved your comments to Things I Should Have Done - #1. Exactly what I'm trying to do. Thank you for getting it! I've just posted Things I Should Have Done - #2, and would love your take on it. I've set this as a every couple of days project for myself.
thankyou very much for you kind words about "Lost" - greatly appreciated.
Thanks for the read (and encouragement) of "Magnets."
(I was hoping you'd find it..)
I have netflixed Cracker!
eamon, thanks for the saturday flawnt festival - evidently you read and commented on a bunch of my pieces within a short time frame. thankfully, they are short. thank you for reading and commenting. i think all this commenting does constitute a form of non-fiction, don't you think?
eamon, the prize scheme invented for "fungus" was a short-lived strategy to lure more writers to my comment section. it didn't really work. writers evidently are incorruptible? i bestow upon you the prize of the late bloomer. please accept now or else i must mail it to you.
Eamon, you're too kind. It's so nice to know my work here still gets read. I would love to post more, but only when I have the time to give to other writers' work: Reciprocity. What a word! A feat in the mouth. Thanks again.
Thanks for reading Urumqi. I glad you liked it, even with the last line. However, don't read too much into it. The last time simply means the men died. Just another way of saying it.
Hi mate, thank you for your comments. You're right, the story is a bit of an ode to the Inner West, all it's beauty and ugliness. I will have a read of your work today.
Thank you for reading and your lovely comments. I'm glad the italicized dialogue works for you, I've been using it a lot in the stories I've been working on. Thanks also for liking my syntax! I don't know Jimmy McGovern's Cracker, what is it? Have you see The Wire in the Blood? Or Trial & Retribution? Both are British TV series.
I see I have lots of your work to take a look at.
I had responded to your post, but didn't realize I ought to be posting on your wall. Thanks again!
Thanks for kind words for "Quiet" -- & I'll attend to those details soon.
Thank you so much for reading "Picnic" and also for your warning about public parks... ha!
Thank you for reading my short story, Eamon.
hello eamon - thank you for your very kind comment on my story, martha.
eamon, glad you enjoyed '51'.
My gratitude for your close reading. I responded to it via the comments on the story itself (myself still reposing upon the novice title of how this thing works).
Thanks, Eamon. It was a bit of a challenge writing MG but I had fun inventing things like micro-mobs and perpetual motion! Lol
What would Talleyrand make of this site? What would you make Perigord de Talleyrand make of this site? I'm fascinated by him . . . to listen, to flatter, to triangulate, to disrupt and befriend, to ignore, profit, betray and ultimately to survive. That's what's on my mind. Talleyrand.
I remember you more for the certainty of your impressions and your well wrought criticism than anything else. You, sir, elevate criticism in this forum. It's rare, and for those who make efforts at writing, it's imperative. Maybe you should start a group called the critics corner where your posts are nothing other than critiques. We could then refer to the original post and reflect on them. Why don't I? I'm not as voluble, and I don't have your imprimatur. warm regards, jn
Thanks, Eamon. I appreciate your continuing to follow this, and for the comments, which are just what I need, raising questions where need be, and recognizing contexts. Not that it would get them anyway, but I'm really not trolling for stars with this work. Or any other, but this one in particular is the ugly child of the lot.
Did I thank you yet for your kind "Snowsuit' comments?
Yo, Eamon. Thank you for your comment on "Kafka." I definitely need to work a few kinks out with it, but what you said is exactly right. I read philosophy (my major) everyday. 95% could've been written by the same author. Most philosophers have little or no taste. I like flavor. And good grammar, too. Thanks again, man.
Enjoyed your comments to Reader's Ingest, Mouth Theory!! I read your year zero and it was moving. It's like the reader is there on that bus and that place. How did it all get there? The anger, the retribution, the perceived injustice. Is man marching forward into the abyss? Your piece certainly gets one to wondering?
Thankyou for kind words I'd almost forgotten about some of this..all been on backburner too long.
Tried your suggestion for cleaning up the format on the one just posted. You're so right. It came off much better than before. I'll do the same tonite on the earlier part. Thanks again...
Eamon, thanks for the suggestion. I'm flying a bit blind with this play( well, that's true of about everything I do come to think of it) and your input is very valuable...
Re: "Quitting." Oh, yeah, the real life counterpart has her wits about her, too. Believe me, she can defend herself.
Thanks for commenting on my story. I'm excited to get into yours.
Eamon, I really appreciate the comments made on The Etymons. Any further critique is welcome.
it appears we share a birthday, february 9.
i am most appreciative of your thoughtful comments on my giacometti story.
and 'byrne'...from 'o'byrne'...that's irish enough to qualify for The Paddy Day challenge (see group 'The Paddy Whacker') - join us and give us the unique aussie perspective on all things paddy!
eamon, how can one ever get too many favourable comments...sorry for the pain, mate, and thanks for the read of 'obituary'!
Thanks for your thoughtful comments on 634, Eamon. I really appreciate it.
Thanks for the kind words, Eamon.
thank you eamon for your kind comment on "rose petals". 'is don', too, on "year zero" and i enjoyed looking at your site as well - put something in your author's note here, why dontya, you got so much to share. max beckmann! finally! welcome to the fnaut, mate.
Thank you for your extremely thoughtful comments about my story, "Nan." I really appreciate you reading and taking the time to respond. I look forward to checking out your work. NHB
Thanks for your nice comments. I enjoyed the haunting prose of Year Zero.
Thanks for going back and finding that poem of mine. year zero is truly moving, and something, to my limited knowledge, that has never been presented before.