Most read stories

At the Jennifer Aniston Intensive Haircare Clinic

16741674 views55 comments33 favs

Hunger only makes people hungry, but bad hair can ruin your whole day.

Six Theories of Gorilla

16741674 views44 comments33 favs

1. BLAME THE PARENTS This seems to be the most popular position on social platforms. Mom and Dad should have been watching this kid more closely. Period. Because how could any good parent fail to notice their own child climbing over a…

You Know It!

16741674 views33 comments00 favs

"Every single thing ... " Hunk Hokum pronounced from the stage, flexing his muscles and prancing around in his red pseudo-loincloth, "has been totally scripted ... and ... every action ... has been ... preplanned-out ... in advance!"

A Thought for Emily's Sleep

16741674 views1111 comments99 favs

Your precious feet were there once, pressed against the familiar floorboards, where your poems suddenly appeared to you, flashing like lightning. I wonder which window they came in? Here's a thought: you were like that window. You caught…

Syrup

16741674 views77 comments44 favs

Things aren't going to get better are they? Would you like a sugar cube? No. Are you sure? I put acid on it. Oh, well yes, I guess then. Cool. Things might get better for a little bit then. Or horribly worse. Ha. Awesome. They taste like an orgasm…

The Cruelest Man

16741674 views00 comments00 favs

He was arrested for a horrible crime. It took more than three weeks to identify the body. The newspapers were vague so as not to terrify anyone. He hung his head low as he pled guilty.

Love Meal #3009

16741674 views1212 comments99 favs

His knife enters the Maui onion. He minces garlic and applies heat to pan and melts sweet cream butter and browns the garlic first and then he adds the onion and more heat, but it's time that will surely caramelize them. Salt and pepper and splashes of wine for the pan and…

Faith, Hope, and Charity

16741674 views1515 comments1212 favs

She wears three or four tattered sweaters on cool days. She pushes a basket borrowed from a grocery store. There is a plastic lawn bag in the basket with God knows what inside.

Famous Female Artist

16741674 views22 comments00 favs

I remember being sent a picture once from one of my old roommates, Louise, back in Chicago where I came from. The photo was taken when she’d come out for a visit to California. In the picture I am sitting on the front stairs of my house in the Rockridge

Eve

16741674 views77 comments77 favs

When God blessed creation, a ewe gave birth to Adam. When he cursed Satan, Eve hatched from a crocodile's egg.——In naming the animals, Adam marked them for death. His own name was a slow fire. Eve's was an inferno.——In the shelter of the Tree of…

Erased

16741674 views66 comments33 favs

You took up residence on the dark side of things, a bolthole in a wind-flayed right angle of a tower block where pigeons and suicides tumbled blackly on the air currents. You set about drifting off from who you were on a tide of cheap whisky and bad poetry, graduating…

All the Broken People

16741674 views1919 comments1414 favs

We all// fall short and fail.

Our Neighbors

16741674 views00 comments11 fav

It was with the departure of their last child that the Beazleys became grotesquely petty with each other.

Before the Dance

16731673 views33 comments22 favs

A woman walked in from the kitchen. She sat next to him as he poured what was left in the whiskey bottle into each glass. “They could’ve given us more time to make a payment,” he said.

Bullshit Aeneid

16731673 views1414 comments1111 favs

Of arms and the man...

Snake Walk

16731673 views1717 comments66 favs

The Viper turns so quickly that Father's grabbing hand now faces its head instead of its tail.

The Celebrity

16731673 views22 comments00 favs

I love reading about myself. There's nothing more gratifying than seeing my name in the paper, knowing so many people are interested in who I am and what I do.

The Investigator

16731673 views77 comments44 favs

The investigator starts by accumulating facts, as many facts as he can. He sifts through them with meticulous precision, leaving no leaf unturned, no page unread.

Liquor and Older Women

16731673 views66 comments22 favs

"What is a vageena?" I wanted to know.

Spilled Milk

16731673 views1515 comments1212 favs

(I'd appreciate some feedback on this very weird story.) A Frosted Mini Wheat walks in to a bar...

The Signal

16731673 views44 comments33 favs

I take the plastic off of the last videotape and stick it in the VCR. I make sure the channel is on 6. Still a commercial. I get my notebook, turn it to the next page and write today's date on top. I get ready. I don't really like the back and forth banter the other news…

Heat

16731673 views88 comments22 favs

It was so hot we walked out on our husbands. There were reasons, we supposed. They left the refrigerator doors open all day, grabbing beers when they passed by, tossing the sticky caps upon counters. They drove their Metropolitans to buy food, leaving th

MR. WOODCHUCK

16731673 views1515 comments99 favs

fat furry marmots who play hide and seek

Wince

16731673 views2828 comments1616 favs

Lately he's been wanting to write about love...

Having Read the Poems of Matt Dennison

16731673 views77 comments33 favs

Having read the poetry of Dennison I hereby give up writing.

How to Shampoo in French

16731673 views55 comments33 favs

Commencons (let us begin) our deconstruction of la bouteille typique de shampooing (the typical shampoo bottle).

Wasps' Nest

16721672 views1313 comments77 favs

Here’s how you do it. First you get a ladder, a long one.

Graduation (For My Mother)

16721672 views33 comments33 favs

I know I’m slipping into my mother’s skin. I answer the phone with her voice; her hands grind the coffee beans. And who is this listening to NPR in the morning while the fresh-faced girls in the neighborhood trudge toward school,, peonies han

Seven Things I Learned About David Letterman from Jason Zinoman's "Letterman: The Last Giant of Late Night."

16721672 views55 comments44 favs

Never touch David Letterman's neck!

March for Me

16721672 views66 comments66 favs

A son packs his bag - bottled water, extra masks, and jerky. Mom paces behind him. “Don't go.”