Stories by Roz Warren
- Congratulations On Your New Diagnosis! (Greeting Cards for People With Mental Problems)
- You're Gay? I'm Not Surprised. But Thanks For Telling Me!
- Would You Ask A Librarian For A Lap Dance?
- ORSON SCOTT CART, MEET LOUISA MAY ALCART: TOP TWENTY NICKNAMES LIBRARIANS HAVE GIVEN TO BOOK CARTS
- You Have Something I Don't Have
- I'd Be Happy To Date You When Hell Freezes Over -- One Single Librarian's Collection Of Online Dating Profile Turnoffs
- How To Become a Great Writer
- Don't Wash, Don't Tell
- The Summer Reading Program -- A Librarian Tells All!
- A Nun Walks Into A Library...
- Retire! Dance! Die! But First, Pass the Chocolate. Boomers According to Google.
- I Am Not Like All The Rest: Funny Lines From Online Dating Profiles
- Please Don't Pass The Salt
- Librarians! What Are We Hiding?
- Chop Your Own Firewood and Learn To Juggle: Advice I'm Going To Ignore From "Life's Little Instruction Book"
- Happy Valentine's Day From Your Librarian
- Not Sure If You're Actually Having Sex? I Can Help.
- I'm Dying! And I Didn't Make The Bed!
- Elvis, Mosquitoes & Marilyn Monroe -- What I Learned From Magazines This Week
- Marilyn Monroe, Frank Sinatra and A Nice Hot Bath: What I Learned From Magazines This Week
- It's A Different World When You Walk With A Cane
- Mr. Creeping Hands, Gum-Popping Granny and Crabby Newspaper Guy: Welcome To Your Local Library
- Bert & Ernie: The Pre Nup
- Laughing and Looking for Love
- Forever Four-Eyed
- Bookmarks From Hell -- A List of Unsavory, Alarming and Downright Nasty Things Librarians Have Found In Library Books
- A Tale Of Three Titties
- Boomer Tunes Pop Quiz
- Silent Noodles, Swimming Pools and the ACLU: What I Learned From Magazines This Week
- 20 Things I Learned about Norman Rockwell from "American Mirror, The Life and Art of Norman Rockwell"
- I'm Face Blind. Who The Hell Are You?
- I Am Not A Careful Reader
- Slippery Slope
- Two Little Words
- Jackie Kennedy, Marge Simpson & Longevity: What I Learned From Magazines This Week
- Zen and the Art of Enjoying the Last Laugh
- Laughing All The Way To The 2020 Election
- Doctor My Eyes: The Ultimate Cataract Surgery Mix Tape
- Confessions of a Cursing Librarian
- Librarians! Are You A Book Whisperer, A Truth Wizard, Or an Information Goddess?
- Seven Things I Learned About David Letterman from Jason Zinoman's "Letterman: The Last Giant of Late Night."
- Sleeping Apes and Washing Dishes: What I Learned From Magazines This Week
- This Train Is Bound For Paoli: A Multiple Choice Essay
- Hey Old Lady! Want To Buy A Reverse Mortgage?
- This is Poop Patrol!
- Advice For Aspiring Writers
- Magic Jane
- Happy Birthday Mr. Watterson, Wherever You Are!
- What I Learned From Magazines This Week
- Freeze! It's the Library Police!
- You Never Forget Your First
- Your Call Is Not Very Important To Us
- Like Me On Facebook. Or Else.
- Fat Cats, Happiness and Laptop Love -- What I Learned From Magazines This Week
- They Don't Call! They Don't Write! But at Least they Have a Dog Blog
- Here Comes The Pope!
- Let's All Get Up And Dance To A Song That Was A Hit Before Beyonce Was Born
- Colonoscopy Serenade
- Detroit: I'm Emotionally Invested
- Would You Name YOUR Dog Voldemort?
- Welcome To Bedpan Alley! Honest Names For Nursing Homes
- Lewd in the Library!
- What I Learned From Magazines This Week
- Beverly Abbey
- Outpatient
- A CAPITAL TIME FOR TWEETING, PLUS WHEN TO SHOOT A MOOSE
- "Is Your Stomach Making You Sad?" and Other Conundrums of 21st Century Life
- My Resolutions for YOU In 2014
- Cary Grant's Underpants
- Pour Yourself A Glass of Wine, Hop on the Treadmill and Read This Book
- When Bad Things Happen To Other People
- I'm In Love With Mr. Yippee!
- Are You A Handywoman? Take This (Not Entirely Serious) Test and Find Out!
- WANT A JEW TO FALL FOR YOU? TRY THESE FUNNY PICK-UP LINES.
- Radical Middle-Aged Cake Acceptance
- Pablo Picasso and Pornhub: What I Learned From Magazines This Week
- Valentine's Day: Say it with Chickens
- A Good Man Is Hard To Find. But What About A Good Dog?
- Is This Seat Taken?
- Thirteen Random Things I Learned About Jon Stewart From "Angry Optimist: The Life and Times of Jon Stewart."
- Marion Winik Has Kissed A Lot Of Frogs
- How To Break A Toe In One Easy Step
- Bible Stories for Atheist Babysitters
- Greener Than Thou: Saving the Earth, One Smackdown At A Time
- How To Find A Galaxy In The Dark
- Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen
- Furniture Fights
- My Not Entirely Serious Predictions for Season Four of Sherlock
- A Few Random Things I Learned About Bill Murray from "The Big Bad Book of Bill Murray."
- Gone With The Wildebeest
- Airline Passengers! Is There A Right To Recline?
- It's May. Enjoy Yourself!
- Selling A Wedding Ring
- Will Write For Crab Cakes
- A MAMMOTH UNDERTAKING
- THANKS FOR TRYING TO RUIN MY DAY!
- Good For The Ducks
- The Inkblot Test
- The Penguin Flight
Group Membership
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Non-Fiction
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FAMILY THERAPY
Member since Aug 01Public group33 members -
CHILDHOOD MEMORIES
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Member since Feb 09Public group7 members -
LOVE ME, LOVE ME NOT
Member since Feb 09Public group9 members -
FRIENDS
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Member since Feb 09Public group3 members -
FEMINISM
Member since Apr 26Public group5 members
Roz Warren's Favorites
- I Hate Your Favorite Band
- Multiple Simultaneous Submissions
- My Birthday Is Tomorrow And These Are A Few Of The Things I Did Not Do This Year/An Attempt To Write True Sentences
- Ten Amazing Don’t-Miss Writing Prompts (Especially Number 6)!
- In the Cemetery Where Al Jolson is Buried
- One Poem, Eight Rejections
- My Dog's Hipper Than Your Dog
- Freelance Your Way to Poverty
- I Must Slip The Batman a Fin
- At the Jr. Algonquin Roundtable
- Librarians Love Me!
- Happy Rhythm 'n Blues Halloween
- Me and J.D. Salinger at Burger King
- The Flautist
- Me & Sylvia Plath
- Luck
- Spontaneous Sunrise Prayer
- Billy Strayhorn: A Short, Gay and Lush Life of Beauty
- Pigeons Having Sex On An Air Conditioner In New York
- These Are a Few of My Least Favorite Things
- People Who Go to Poems for Truth
- How Poets Die
- Alone
- The Poet Faces a Government Shutdown
Roz Warren's Contacts
Roz Warren
| Location | Planet Earth, mostly. |
| Occupation | Writing Coach, Essayist, Humorist |
| Website | https://muckrack.com/roz-warren |
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You are now very funny. (As of the Cart Recitation.)
Hey Roz, thanks for reading middle of the night.
Let me know when you want that sandwich.
Roz,
Thanks so much for reading and commenting on "Missing". I'm sorry I'm just now seeing it but I'm sure you know the notifications are broken again. So delighted you think this little piece is cool!
Thanks for reading and your kind comment on Shrinkage. Much appreciated!
Hi Roz,
Thanks for checking in on Strangers on a Train... :)
Hey Roz thank you for commenting on the ceiling short!!! Pax!!!
Roz, yes. After I did a reading of "Never Let Me Go", I realized why everyone said it was so trippy and near impossible to get. In any case, I'm glad you enjoyed the trip.
Thanks, Roz, for commenting on my two little stories!
Thanks for reading and commenting on "Whiplash Marriage," Roz!
Thanks Roz, for your comment on Refill Please. I've been enjoying your work and appreciate that you looked in on mine.
Nice piece. great insight into human nature. I enjoyed it.
Hi Roz, nice meeting you too, you funny woman.
Thanks Roz for commenting on my "Things I Didn't Do This Year" piece. I promise to call the next time I'm in Philly.
You are funny.