Librarians Love Me!

by Con Chapman

Librarians love me, you want to know why?
I don't dog-ear pages, I don't even try.
I don't highlight passages for future reference,
I give each book its proper, due deference.

I don't talk too loudly, or laugh in the stacks;
I don't bring in coffee, or loud crunchy snacks.
If I see a toddler check out 50 Cent,
I whack the young scofflaw until he's quite bent.

I know a couple of library puns
That I share quite freely with librariuns
As I lean on the circulation desk with aplomb—
The one about the book return's never a bomb.

Books are my friends! I don't write upon them.
I never steal books, and sure wouldn't pawn them.
I much prefer books to dim backlit screens,
I'd rather turn pages than scroll through e-zines.

For all of these reasons I'm a biblio-femme's dream,
But still there's one thing that is not as it seems:
If library ladies have hearts that are mine—
Why in the world won't they forgive my fines?