Retire! Dance! Die! But First, Pass the Chocolate. Boomers According to Google.
by Roz Warren
Born in 1954, I identify as a Baby Boomer. But what does that mean, really? Who exactly are we Boomers? And how does the world see us? I decided to perform a quick Google Search and find out.
I typed in the phrase “Boomers Are…”
Here's what I got:
The most selfish generation ever.
Retiring.
Reluctant to retire.
Flocking to cities.
Evil.
Doomed.
More likely to succeed as entrepreneurs.
An important target market.
Broke.
Sensing that I didn't yet have the complete picture, I decided to fine tune my results by Google-searching a few more Boomer-related questions and statements:
Boomers Need to…
Live to 100.
Get over yesterday.
Consider downsizing.
Worry about the health hazards they grew up with.
Consider the shingles vaccine
Get tested for Hepatitis C
Retire.
Die.
Why Do Boomers…
Plan to work longer?
Wear Blue Jeans?
Hate Millennials?
Have Hepatitis C?
Love baseball?
Baby Boomers…
Want to be young
Want to look younger
Suck.
All Baby Boomers…
Should be tested for Hepatitis C
Suck.
Boomers rarely…
Stop nurturing their children.
Baby Boomers enjoy…
Hair products.
Chocolate.
The ride
Baby Boomers can…
Be ignored.
Get pregnant.
Dance.
Afford to retire.
Baby Boomers remain…
In the workforce
Skeptical of the establishment
Relevant.
Baby Boomers never…
Say never.
Retire.
Grow up.
Had it so good
So who are we? We can dance! We can retire! (Unless we're broke.) We can move to the city and downsize! We never grew up but we nurture our kids. We're not young, but we want to look young. And we really should get vaccinated for Hep C.
Is any of this accurate? Who knows? If you want to discuss it, you can find me at the ball park. I'll be the youthful-looking semi-retired 60-year-old offering the Millennial sitting next to me a chocolate chip cookie and telling him to get over himself.
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Author's Note
First published by www.womensvoicesforchange.org
Other stories by Roz Warren
- Congratulations On Your New Diagnosis! (Greeting Cards for People With Mental Problems)
- You're Gay? I'm Not Surprised. But Thanks For Telling Me!
- Would You Ask A Librarian For A Lap Dance?
- ORSON SCOTT CART, MEET LOUISA MAY ALCART: TOP TWENTY NICKNAMES LIBRARIANS HAVE GIVEN TO BOOK CARTS
- You Have Something I Don't Have
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Roz is talented! Wry! Spot on! *
The refrain seems to be "Hepatitis C". What the hell is that? Enjoyed this--cringed all the way thru it. *
Are we the most disappointing generation ever? Time will tell.
Like the closing! **
Too old to be a boomer, I grimaced watching the boomer selfish ways abetted by my generation. As usual it's all about the money, except if you have hep C you can't get life insurance. Grat piece, Roz. *
Illustrates the diversity within a generation, and so the folly of sweeping generalization.
As a boomer myself, 1950, I think we love being boomers. I do.!
Thanks Roz.*
Boomers want to speak foreign languages. Mais oui!
Such an accurate depiction of us old pharts, particularly the 'never grow up' aspect. ***
I was going to take exception to getting pregnant, but then remembered that my ex-husband just had his first baby at age 60+ *
Fun, enjoyed the piece!