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Fun New Year's Traditions From Around the World

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When New Guinea's president was a student at UCLA he received an A- in organic chemistry after watching a Joan Rivers Informercial. Each year he tries to re-create the magic of that moment.

Crimson and Clover

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The world follows me everywhere. I can’t get rid of it. I’m being stalked by a planet.

jewels

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it is said to make your manliness last forever

God

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I realize that to say, "I do not believe in God" is footsteps away from "I do not rely on God" and "God left me."

Miranda

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...cinched the handcuffs.

The Dance

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Angelo stood to the side and lit a cigarette.

Cloud Shaped Like a Heart

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The man who will lead you can be nothing if not already found underneath the light-heartedness of heaven, (dawn) if not under the light-heartedness of snow. He would have to have happiness already sewn into his soul. He bears no burdens

Pecking Order

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My first time all started with the girl on the bench. She had those perfect eyes, you know the ones, where you see them and you just can't help wanting to take everything she has on her. Those kind of eyes. And I saw them first. I was the first one there that morning at the…

Paul Steven Stone Goes Topless

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Breaking News: Noted local writer and very minor celebrity Paul Steven Stone joined a growing list of talentless wannabes to bare skin and a hint of nipple in a shameless attempt to draw attention to his current blog posting. When asked how far he would g

A Sudden Keen Nostalgia

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Junior year, word got around that Eric had lost his virginity to his sophomore girlfriend. She rode him on the back seat of his car. Eric wasn't keen to discuss it - he seemed to feel a certain blushing shame. It was almost as if he was raped.Eric was a scientist, first and…

The Stuffy Poet

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Getting up and reading his poem The stuffy poet sitting back down On the leather couch, which creaks under his weight After adjusting his narrow tie from the 1980’s The stuffy poet clearing his throat, twice, During an enemy’s reading The s

My Nashville Song

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I smell ham and biscuits I ain't eatin' Triscuits No more No more, no more Gonna get back on my Harley With my mutt named Bisquick Charlie I just ain't eatin’ Triscuits No more, no more And I heard you know the score Yeah, I know you

Ai Kitano

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Sick of sight, Ai Kitano constructed glasses by which the wearer was rendered totally blind.

Flashback

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Most of the deer around here have a higher IQ than the hunters.

Antarctica

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I don't have the feelings of self-worth a young woman should have, Monica Lewinsky tells the nation. She seems to understand there will always be some amount of ice beneath her.

Three Small Ekphrastic Objects

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Agamemnon and Menelaus were/ complete creeps. Achilles was// a pompous piece of shit.

A Memo From The CEO

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Over the last 30 days we have seen a radical decrease in our revenue stream. Our Q3 earnings fell dramatically short of what we had projected, and as a result the leadership team has had to look at some difficult cost-reducing measures.

Have to Find a Way

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I have to find a way To evolve To become To grow into something else To become something else I have to find a way To let go Loosen my firm grasp Watch it all fall away Let myself fall away Drop this act This weight This mess of a life This mess I…

Five Million Yen: Chapter 21

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Some friends of mine took him for a ride out to Broad Channel, you know that enclave of crazies that live in houses on stilts on the island in Jamaica Bay on Cross Bay Boulevard. He might find that when the tide comes in, the water might be a little deepe

A Whole

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You sawed off my wings then Asked

Bean Bag Chair

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Up to the loft we went, shedding clothes all the way. No one is home, but the place smells like the fresh cookies my mom had made before she left. It's dark and my lips hit his…

March Tenth, Two Thousand And Thirteen

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But the things I do know are the ways we've changed since we'd fallen into each other.

People Watching and Missed Opportunities at the Bus Depot

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It's not actually about blow jobs, sex, or coitus of any kind. You probably won't like it.

Augmented

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It is our gift-- the knowing/ without knowing--/ that allows us transport,

Smack

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They shoot up through the soles of their feet once the veins in their arms are all used up. They shoot up in their necks like the cows on the African Savannah

Sacrament

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“Eat up, little brother” Jack called out from his end of the table. “The food will make your blood dance. It will be eager to mix with Helen’s.”

Cato

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She was the clerk in the photography shop.

The Garage Sale

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She excelled at plowing forward. He excelled at staying in one place. Eventually the distances got too great and she put an ocean between them.

3

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there was the place where the large turtles had their eggs, and it was always a concern because everyone wanted the new turtles to make it back to the sea but the electric lights of high wattage along with sounds from the roadways beyond were in one…

Clinch Park

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There was nothing on the lake but a / faint sailboat and a shadowy gull.