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How to Score With Freudian Chicks

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Unlike me, Gino could walk up to a group of unattached women, say something sensitive and thoughtful like “Hey, hey, hey!”–and suddenly the fun would begin.

Buttons

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I opened my switchblade mouth and sliced through the scab of silence.

Quasimodo Casanova

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After shooing away the filthy pigeons and closely inspecting the bench, he squinted with his good eye at a second-page article on noise abatement headphones.

Big Hotel Inside of a Jungle Brain

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He's not something you'll want, waiting for you, inside your living room's ear. Go and see your family. Breathe the broad daylight whenever you can. I got lost in some free form dog caves. That's all. That's no path to aspire to …

take

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THERE'D been mutterings on the shareholders' board about a dodgy deal shoved through. In the rush after the towers' thing to get out relevant stock an executive producer had signed off on some film school kid for five big ones to shoot a…

Road Trip

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I'm sitting in a burned out skeletal frame of an old Cadillac on the side of Route 66 just outside of Kansas. Back home in New York State my sister is explaining to my mother that Jack Kerouac convinced me to run away even though he's been dead for years. They're…

Poppa

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said you loved me told some jokes aren’t you dying?

When Dreams Come Knocking

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“What are you doing after this?” I asked, faking a self confidence I didn’t truly posses at fifteen. I didn’t seem to realize that I wasn’t old enough for any of the clubs they’d go to. I’d heard that fans sometimes followed the band to an after-party.

Dead Girl Rolling

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They left me on a gurney for hours...

The Tale of the Donut and the Éclair

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“I scheduled some time today to talk to you about something…something important. Since you’re going on with your life, leaving everything you’ve known so far, you’re going to need some information about sex.”

Not Yeatsian

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Didn't he have like a frog No lips so speak of, and the weathered lizard Look of the frequently face-lifted?

Balls

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Evening was drawing nigh and Mosby's horse had tired from the daylong ride.

Spatter

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Splat.

Limits on Lint-Rollers Tighten as Illicit Use Spreads

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The latest teen abuse of an ordinary household item? Late-night “lint roller” parties at which boys and girls engage in heavy “feel-up” sessions that can lead to unwanted pregnancies, white slavery and in extreme cases, marriage.

(2) Liars

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"Being honest with me," said her teacher, "will hopefully allow you to be honest with yourself--writing is about being honest, and articulating that honesty." It sounded like a riddle, and her teacher looked at her with the sanctimony of a wizard.

Babushka – Opening Night Review

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...will it be as overwhelmingly dull and tedious as de Sade?

How to Shampoo in French

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Commencons (let us begin) our deconstruction of la bouteille typique de shampooing (the typical shampoo bottle).

Filth and Splendor: A Love Story

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Solomon just makes people leak. Literally.

Carrie Nadeau

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She wouldn't have been the first.

Piggy Bank

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He shivered in his robe and pajama pants as the showdown with the piggy bank continued on this dark winter’s night. He couldn’t resist the cute dots for eyes, the stubby legs and perked up ears.

Silent Season

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we are tired, you and I.

Cat People #22

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When Kat returned home from The East Street Wars, she learned that her epileptic lover, White Dog, died from madness

War & Peace

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I stand at the edge of the water naked as a newborn. Tiny ripples lick my toes.

Here Comes the Sun

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She lies on her stomach by the side of the pool staring into her towel. On her back, I can make out a pastel isthmus, surgery's pink art or charlatan's scab, I can't tell which. She is beautiful as rare roast beef is beautiful.

Mannequin

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Having sex with her there made me feel like a child molester, I said. She said it made her excited.

My Favorite Breakfast

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When Mavis is satisfied that her new man and I have met her criteria, and at long last she goes, no one will stand between me and the relentless boredom of my own company.

First Job

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I thought each day died inside the clock.

Dislocutions

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Q: This name in Basque means “owns a new house.” A: What is “Xavier”?

Snake, Rope

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The snake was fang-less and so had to choke her, making the kill bloodless and drawn out, just the way she liked it.

air

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i flew