Winter I hated the most. Winter, and days when rain pelted the ground in sheets too thick for space. Smoke curled, a yellow tsunami steam-rolling from the front seat towards the back where I sat with my sister. I made myself tiny as I could, imagining I was Houdini shackled underwater, holding my nose and practicing my escape. An hour into the drive I'd crack my window and sit on my knees to suck the moist air trickling in like a thief. Mother would turn around, the Pall Mall a fiery sixth finger. “Shut the goddamn window, Missy. It's cold outside.” The smoke never bothered my sister; she wallowed in the fumes, a gill-breathing dragon. When we arrived at our destination, I'd tumble from the car, refilling myself with pure oxygen for the return trip.
Later, my sister and Mother shared a special intimacy, talking on the patio and tapping ashes into coffee cans. I'd sit inside the cool kitchen and watch from the window. When Mother died last year, felled by a stroke induced by her pack-a-day habit, my sister kept smoking and started running charity 5ks. In her last race, the contestants lined up, waiting for the gun, and I watched from the sidelines. The air smelled electric, reminding me of riding with rolled-down windows, the shimmering wind pummeling us in a furnace blast. I remembered those summer months and wondered if they saved me from worse -- though what could be crappier than life tethered to an oxygen concentrator?
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My humble offering for the 52/250 week #9 theme -- cigarette smoke in the car
Based on a true story...
Wow. So great - Linda. What an ending!
Thanks Marcelle! I had fun with this one. Peace...
Linda, I love the image of a child trapped in a smoky car picturing herself as Houdini.
And the sixth finger.
And the starting gun.
I like we see how aware the child is, how intelligent. Great voice here.
Excellent images in this, Linda. Great sense of voice also. Well done!
Thank you for reading Sara -- I was happy with the sixth finger image, too. Peace...
Matt and Christian, thanks for kind comments on voice -- needed a lift in that department lately.
Well done. I like the line, "a yellow tsunami steam..."
Intense. Wow, Linda. The sadness, the tension, the sorrow -- it is all here, beginning in that small confined space of the smokey back seat. I felt hemmed in there myself, even as I was reading. Such strong images here, such strong emotion.
And the title: forgot to say how much I like that.
Musta been a 52/250 winner. A very solid, intriguing Micro that invited a couple of rereads, the writer's best friend. Really brought a snicker when the narrator referred to her sister as "a gill-breathing dragon." That's accurate kid-talk.
I agree with Michelle's comment; the title really works, as a title in the Micro craft should. And it's in all-CAPS. (fav)
A very moving piece, Linda. Strong presence to it. And the imagery stays in the head.
Ramon, thank you for reading, but mostly thank you for rereading -- that means something intrigued. The title IS everything; I perseverate over that one detail every story and poem. Peace...
Sam, thank you for your kind words, so happy the imagery lingers (I aim to please my poet friends). Peace...
Really good story. I missed seeing it here, but read it at 52250 and still like this one a lot!