Most read stories

Funny Jokes

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Why was the broom late for work?

Revenge at the Nudist Camp

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When my mother called to tell me what had happened with Francine, she was crying. The minute Francine left, my mother understood that woman had bamboozled her. We got on the next jet down to L.A. and rented a car. Gina and I drove all the way out past Ont

Wake Up

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Mr. Dorn finishes the song and stands holding his penis, looking amazed, as if penises had just been invented and he'd been asked to try this one out for size.

The Palatski Man

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He reappeared in spring, some Sunday morning, perhaps Easter, when the twigs of the catalpa trees budded and lawns smelled of mud and breaking seeds.

Snow

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She made them all watch ``Oceans Eleven'', even the baby...

Smoking

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"She gave me a "you're fucking stupid, kid" look and handed me a of cigarettes. It was all downhill from there."

Gold

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He entered the kitchen, carrying the silver metal scuttle filled with coal. The draught brought in the scent of woodbines. She paused her work, her hands resting inside the bread dough, and breathed deep, having…

Recent Rejection Letters

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Dear Meg, Thank you for submitting your breasts to our evening last night. Your cleavage has been carefully considered, but unfortunately I've decided not to explore further. That said, remember that I am a fan of women in general; my tastes, biases, and opinions…

Woman, Running Late, in a Dress

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Gasps and shouts, a hand on my arm, sequined gowns and expensive colognes parting before me. And then, there, Raymond’s crumpled form on the hardwood floor of the foyer, like a sleeve torn from a jacket, the stitches frayed and useless.

The Girl in the Storm

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There once was a girl who was lost in a storm. She wandered this way and that, this way and that, trying to find a way home. But the sky was too dark, and the rain too fierce; all the girl did was go in circles. Then, suddenly, there were arms around her

My Mother Was An Upright Piano

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My mother was an upright piano, spine erect, lid tightly closed, unplayable except by the maestro. My father was not the maestro.

Problems Pretty Girls With Pretty Faces Face

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I think about my husband, who is dead, who has left me in this position.

Ambulance

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Once you start telling the truth it's hard to quit. You look around and reasons are everywhere. It's like a new appliance, truth-telling, a can opener that's so good you barely have to turn it.On the phone my sister asks me why I don't come out and see her in San…

Some Fairy Tale and Sleeping Beauty Poems

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The apple his slightly necrophiliac kiss saved her from soaks in the petrified sun, turned to leather, like a screaming skull of summer in its glass enactment case.

Journey of Thade

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"I will die here." It came like a warm breeze. The first thought that entered his mind when he came to. A low groan of pain escaped. A surrendering kind of sound one makes upon seeing their world collapse in all of its red raging glory. Fear g

What's Eating William Gass?

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Sometime in the 60s a philosophy teacher named William H. Gass was writing a novel. He had it about where he wanted it when someone stole the manuscript from his car.

How To Make Potato Salad

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Boil 8-10 red potatoes and 6 eggs in heavily salted water. Remember that the first chef you worked under taught you to salt egg-boiling water because the salt breaks down membranes between shell and meat, making the egg easier to peel later on. Decide tha

The Serious Writer and Her Pussy

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One can smuggle drugs inside a pussy. (also, see tags!)

Arcana Magi - c.1: Oryn Zentharis, Seeker of the Truth

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Oryn Zentharis accomplished many things in her life. She completed her greatest desires with a driving force and believed anything was possible.

Sadie Hawkins Day

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It’s Leap Year and my school is observing Sadie Hawkins Day, which means the sixth-graders have a dance where the girls ask the boys to dance and the rest of us get to dress up like hillbillies.

Conjugal Visit

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Sandy stood with three year old Josh, in line at the Santa Cruz County Correctional Facility in Watsonville. They were waiting to visit Tim, who she had met when she moved back to California after breaking up with Josh's father. If you call fleeing in fear…

Moving Day

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I didn’t hear that Duncan Pratt had been killed until I’d been out of the Army for two weeks and had gone four days without a single thought about that final year in Vietnam.

Star Anise

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She wonders if Minh knows fear, if it is something that forms in the womb, like fingernails.

Insect Haikus

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The grasshopper leaps And bounds through the green meadow Fleeing from it’s foe

Oops

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Ok so oops. I messed that up. I made it sexual when it was sweet. Oops. I swear it was the beer. Ok I lie. I always lie.

Florid Psychosis

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I bought / a radio embroidered with pearls

(Like a Pop Song) This is the Head of a Sunflower

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This is the head of a sunflower as well as the butt of a beetle as well as the membrane with its busy veins of traffic between sky and cloud as well as the upside down skeleton of a raindrop as well as the groove twisting in a line around your sweet kissable…

Meryl Streep Laughed at That

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The boys' mother lived in a house two lawns from his, but she wouldn't bring him ice packs; she had her period, she said.

The Winston Peacock Transpiration

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Winston Peacock had had a long day that New Year’s Eve of the final full year of his old life. There had been contemplation about the grave failures, the money lost. The third quarter of this past fiscal year had been especially dismal.

The Hollow

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They live on the edge of town. There is a cornfield behind their house. When the wind blows, it is like the hands of many children clapping.