Most read stories

The Serious Writer and Her Pussy

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One can smuggle drugs inside a pussy. (also, see tags!)

How To Make Potato Salad

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Boil 8-10 red potatoes and 6 eggs in heavily salted water. Remember that the first chef you worked under taught you to salt egg-boiling water because the salt breaks down membranes between shell and meat, making the egg easier to peel later on. Decide tha

Problems Pretty Girls With Pretty Faces Face

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I think about my husband, who is dead, who has left me in this position.

Fiancée

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We walk to the Narrows from the boutique, fortified by talk of men and fashion. The Narrows is a blues bar known for outbreaks of small violence. I am wearing the winter white swing coat I bought for the wedding and the gold and turquoise beads.

Journey of Thade

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"I will die here." It came like a warm breeze. The first thought that entered his mind when he came to. A low groan of pain escaped. A surrendering kind of sound one makes upon seeing their world collapse in all of its red raging glory. Fear g

Apple

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Madeleines, which he hadn’t touched in twelve years, had a place in all this, were accessories in his daughter’s violation.

Woman, Running Late, in a Dress

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Gasps and shouts, a hand on my arm, sequined gowns and expensive colognes parting before me. And then, there, Raymond’s crumpled form on the hardwood floor of the foyer, like a sleeve torn from a jacket, the stitches frayed and useless.

Fuck Me Please

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Your maddening oh-so-skinny jeans make me so hungry/I need to peel them off your narrow hips like potato skin.

My Mother Was An Upright Piano

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My mother was an upright piano, spine erect, lid tightly closed, unplayable except by the maestro. My father was not the maestro.

Conjugal Visit

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Sandy stood with three year old Josh, in line at the Santa Cruz County Correctional Facility in Watsonville. They were waiting to visit Tim, who she had met when she moved back to California after breaking up with Josh's father. If you call fleeing in fear…

Moving Day

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I didn’t hear that Duncan Pratt had been killed until I’d been out of the Army for two weeks and had gone four days without a single thought about that final year in Vietnam.

Wake Up

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Mr. Dorn finishes the song and stands holding his penis, looking amazed, as if penises had just been invented and he'd been asked to try this one out for size.

Revenge at the Nudist Camp

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When my mother called to tell me what had happened with Francine, she was crying. The minute Francine left, my mother understood that woman had bamboozled her. We got on the next jet down to L.A. and rented a car. Gina and I drove all the way out past Ont

The Winston Peacock Transpiration

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Winston Peacock had had a long day that New Year’s Eve of the final full year of his old life. There had been contemplation about the grave failures, the money lost. The third quarter of this past fiscal year had been especially dismal.

Mario's Three Lives

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The plumber has three lives left or else he is already dead.

The Girl in the Storm

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There once was a girl who was lost in a storm. She wandered this way and that, this way and that, trying to find a way home. But the sky was too dark, and the rain too fierce; all the girl did was go in circles. Then, suddenly, there were arms around her

Pigeons Having Sex On An Air Conditioner In New York

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“The place is great” we told the rental agent “except for one thing “Pigeons are nesting on the air conditioner in the bedroom window “At 7 a.m. the pigeons were having sex on the air conditioner “They started getting r

Chop Your Own Firewood and Learn To Juggle: Advice I'm Going To Ignore From "Life's Little Instruction Book"

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"Life's Little Instruction Book." There are some words of wisdom here that I plan to ignore.

Insect Haikus

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The grasshopper leaps And bounds through the green meadow Fleeing from it’s foe

Star Anise

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She wonders if Minh knows fear, if it is something that forms in the womb, like fingernails.

The OD & Hepatitis RR or Bust

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We got this new group man--it's dynamite! I'm up front--no more bass--just front man--and this cat Jack on lead and Stokes the drummer and this outasight piano--he used to be with the Dead--

What's Eating William Gass?

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Sometime in the 60s a philosophy teacher named William H. Gass was writing a novel. He had it about where he wanted it when someone stole the manuscript from his car.

Danëh

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Freedom comes with a price

Magic Jane

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This is what magic feels like. Excitement. Clarity. Danger. Justice.

Cellini's Salt Cellar

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An old man writes the story of his life into a book.

The I Hate to Fuck Book

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Some women, it is said, like to fuck. This book--The I Hate to Fuck Book--is not for them.

Dizzy

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It’s never good to get arrested on an empty stomach.

Good Girls, Bad Boys, and Porn

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We’ve all heard the stereotype of good girls wanting bad boys. It’s been studied, ranted about, and capitalized on. Hell, Disney has built a kingdom off the Princess Who Lusts for Adventure and Falls for Rebel Guy with Supreme Confidence storyline.

Fragment from an Untelevised Revolution

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My wife has gone in Laos to translate foreign tongues, and I await the day when I too may leave.

One-Way Ticket

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Margaret and I are going to Chicago. Everything we do this morning feels final, as if we are doing it for the last time, which is probably true.