The Serious Writer and Her Pussy

Fabulous!!!

ha! touche, Meg, or perhaps should I say, nice thrust and pussy!

Good laughs. The pussy skillfully avoids the limelight, yet earns a name for herself.

My friend, the old man, calls Brazilian waxes "Bolivians." I'll get that in a story (if I dare).

thanks - have added tags.

Ann- do it! Dare! we must! We must be so, so brave!

Julie - Nice Thrust and Pussy sounds like band name! I love it!

Oh my, I do love this. Great work here. This is cunning and witty and, yes, edgy.

Why is this tagged clit when the clit is, as usual, not even mentioned? If I had the balls, I'd write about The Serious Writer and her Clit.

What would Mrs. Slocombe say?

Ok Angela, i will mention the clit in an edit. I will!

Angela has a very good point. I took the "clit" tag off. She got to the heart of the matter.

Brilliant. I could read a lot more of this. And not just because it makes me wet...damp...moist.

Correction: "The skillful pussy avoids the limelight, yet earns a name for herself."

The heartfelt tags!

Meg, who will finance?

a remarkable tribute to the ghosts so glibly summoned by gary. i'm torn: should have trademarked "the serious writer" earlier. love for meg and for her literary pussy wins. i'm giving this [a] head[s] up, clapping with one hand tied (behind my back, silly).

Finnegan, i would be glad to give it up to you. You are longer, stronger, and more knobby. I am but a tiny pudding.

oh, and Finnegan, please do not tie one hand behind your back. I think that is unnecessary. I like both hands forward and stuff. It's also very hard just to tie one.. or so i hear.

...a wobbly pudding, jell-o, more like it. (still laughing & wanting an introduction to the next 'Gertrude Smallwood' awards.)

nothing like a spirited and zesty mano a mano between Serious Writers! Next up: The Serious Editor and the Tools of the Trade?

Brilliant.

didn't pussy galore star in an austin powers movie?

finn & meg: thank you both. i am now retiring and bequeth to you both my wall full of gertrude smallwood awards.

good on you Meg!..be loud and proud!
why do women feel besmirched at shouting about their pussies? they can be cosmetically enhanced, bejeweled and adorn all means of pubic topiary and an array of merkins (for the fashionista!) in these days that pussy isn't a cat!
loved how you embraced the challenge..a great tribute to the guys...

LOVE

Ask Lindsay Hunter to send you her piece about the five definitions of pussy.

i will Tim. thanks.

thank you Doug Bond, thank you Grant Bailie, thank you Heather Vaulkhard. Man, this is a fun Sunday morning.

You are most certainly a cunning linguist

thank you Michael. I like to think that i am cunning with my ling.

Meg,
Hilarious. I almost fell off my chair laughing! Absolutely delightful.

Michael, Michael, Michael...

Meg! Your pussy is pure genius!

Good work.

Gosh! thanks Katrina! I like it too:)

Meg you have guts (balls?) to write this adorable satire!

Somebody once told me you can't be a writer if you are a chicken shit. THAT, dear Meg, you are absolutely NOT!!!

"Ballsy Broads!" you could start a group. I wanna join but do I have to bungee jump nude while writing about masterbation?

thanks Susan, and Gay! I am a chicken shit in real life. I am nearly painfully shy.

I have a ballsy, vibrant alter ego, that does nearly all of my writing!

I wish this weren't true, but it is.

YES, Gay Degani... in order to get invited to the Ballsy Broads! story group we would need to experience the two things you suggested at once: bungee jumping while writing about masturbation!!!

Okay, Meg, what I wrote at your daring is up ...

Chuckling and loving it. It's the best kind of word to mess around with.

Damn. Love this.

Well done, Meg; a nice match for Finnegan.

Love the last paragraph/line.

Meg I know it's an obvious comment but you're quite the cunning linguist.

Say it right to your face.

What a bold and funny piece. If I was bold I'd probably write something like "Thanks for sharing your pussy...." or "You're pussy just made everyone on here so happy." But because of my vocation I'll refrain.

nice! i thought it was just a joke and then the last line kinda hurt.

First thing I read on Fictionaut. I think I'll stay!

Cunning stunt.

cunning stunt... cunning stunt... sounds like... sounds like.... HA!!!!!!!!!!!

I thank you and my pussy thanks you.

Ok so this is fucking fantastic. A woman who isn't afraid to write 'pussy' over and over. Negative Suck wants you for damn sure.

EXCELLENT.

Oh god this is funny! Love it.

To quote Jack Black's character in High Fidelity, sincerely praising something or other, "This is so Pussy!"

Thanks Tiffer!

Thank you Jeffrey, Drew, Richard, and Gina! thank you guys so much.

Brilliant!

thank you Ajay!

You're having waaaaaay too much fun here!

sorry Jim. I will try to have less fun very soon:)

Hahah, I love the energy of this piece! Kind of manic but yet serious too. Pussies are, after all, a most serious matter. We'd all be oblivion without them...

I likey. I likey.

But, I still can't say, "Pokrass," in mixed company.

24 kt. wry!

Gawd I love it. Not only do you have a "puzzy" but ya gots balls too. Thanks for the story

Thank you Peter!

Thank you Hobie.

Thanks R.A. - i love the "wry" word, and the way you used it. yes it was meant to be so indeed.

thank you Michael. Very much appreciated!

575 views? Holy you know what.

This is very funny, Meg. The last line did kinda hurt (I like Ben Loory's characterization so I'm copying it).

Thanks, David. It hurt when i read it on video. It hurt to say it.

Nice. Succinct. And I am relatively certain that Ian would not use the word "damp" (unless I somehow misread his penchant for chicken).

Bold because the story needs it to be. Simply put: This is great writing.

"Not just any man... but Ian, the vegetarian with an occasional weakness for farm raised fowl." Wow.

"The Serious Pussy and Her Writer"

wow! the bravest thing I've read on fictionaut. Sorry, but I had to blush. I'm a coward

It was not a masturbation reading this piece. it was really a good pleasure to read this.
A pussy is not only an organ. it's a text.An appealing text written by Meg.

No matter how brave any of us women are. No matter how much bright sunlight sex, or sex in the incandescent spools of watts, we are willing to engage in, speaking the words aloud can be chilling, create stutters where none ever existed before. You captured it so brilliantly, with just those specific words.

Thank you so much!

When I was five years old, I learned that if you repeat a word often enough, mantra-like, it becomes only meaningless sound, its signification rendered impotent. I had to stop the practice when I noticed that my vocabulary was slipping, sliding away, paul-simon-like into the nether wetlands and that if I continued, I would be forever ... mute.

I had a point when I started writing this, but lost it. This 'piece' is sooo funny, as are the comments here. Meg is a serious phenomenon, serious ... seriously.

I just animated this! The link is next to the story. Take a look if you can. I am loving the freedom of animation. I would say it makes the piece all funny and less serious. A fun experiment.

freedom! word! Meg, you've got a whole different kind of party happening here, glad to be here!!

Thanks! Ha!

For some reason I read this the first time holding back my laughter, like some do with a sneeze...but then I thoguh better of it and let go of something. the deep belly-laughs began....

I love this.

The tags may be my second-favourite bit.

One never knows until one forces open the boundaries of what is possible, do-able, repeatable. What a great start to a plethora of forbidden words this piece is. The mirror is often the harshest critic so bravo for facing it down.

This could be the best short story title ever. Ever. Ever.

I have the need to make everyone I know read this. Seriously, I've already called my neighbor. Thank you, especially, for this: "(The serious writer is sick of the adjective “wet”. She is experimenting with other adjectives. She wonders if a man would really say ‘damp'... Not just any man... but Ian, the vegetarian with an occasional weakness for farm raised fowl.)"

This is wonderful. I love to laugh, and I'm doing it.

"'Pussy,' she says it again. She says it, right to her face."

What a punch. This one, I can tell, will make me laugh every time.

This is a delight and put an enormous grin on my face! The 'damp' diatribe kills me.

My favourite part:
(The serious writer is sick of the adjective “wet”. She is experimenting with other adjectives. She wonders if a man would really say ‘damp'... Not just any man... but Ian, the vegetarian with an occasional weakness for farm raised fowl.)
Haven't we all been through that agony over a word? - very funny!!

I'm new to F'naut and wandering around. I was stopped by the P in the title -- so I peeked. How far I've come (so to speak) since my beginning reading (in the year that Rhett's "damn" almost was censured). In those days, we just said "down there." For description, as a long-time man and a serious (or anxious)writer "wet" is trite and "damp" could kill the mood(although it rhymes with vamp and could lead to a certain lyricism). "Moist" would bring a laugh -- "dewy" is a stretch and could be misunderstood as "do we?" Then there's "dank" and "muggy" (both insulting) Or "aqueous" for the nerdy types. Alas, sodden, soggy, or soppy. None will do. How about "inviting." But this is dodgeball, if you write p----, you got to say p---- and add it's not dry.

This is funny and teaches something! Thanks!

Meg, I enjoyed the way you employed "for fuck's sake" with such ease while in the midst of the "pussy" word crisis.
Congrats on a great set of comments.

The serious author practices saying pussy. Hell yeah! I love the concept, and it's very well executed.

Thank you Gary, Roberta, and Juhl!

thanks Jon, Melissa, Catherine, Matt...

i can't believe how amazing these comments are, I am feeling great cheer.

thanks, Martin Dodd, Jen Knox, Rumjhum Biswas, and Grey.. so much.

I am not sure why it took so long to find this, considering that it contains three words that apply to myself, being "serious writer" and "pussy." Four if you count "wet" and five if you count "damp."
This was hilarious. By the way, I think that "swollen" is a nice counterpoint if you tire of using wet. Just a suggestion. Ta for now.

a small miracle. man, meg. you are really good.

Gita, thank you very much for reading this and is such great and funny feedback!Ha!!! Swollen? Ha! Yes! Ta!

Mary Guterson, i am thrilled to know you read this. So glad you enjoyed it. I wrote it on a dare, and in a rather silly mood, and am lucky that it came out as it did! Thanks a million.

(dat one big dam cat.) ++

this story makes me smile -liked how it's daring and intricate at the same time.

Meg, those last two paragraphs are killer. I've been meaning to read this story for a while, and I'm so glad I finally did. It's a humorous and serious look at the limitations we put on our art and ourselves for reasons we sometimes don't understand. Love the use of "serious writer."

Thank you Catherine, you beast.

Nicolette - thanks for saying it is daring and intricate. that is a lovely comment! I am still in shock about how much this brought forth. I think this is a potent topic and I also think mildly poking fun and how much so fun.

Thanks, Melanie! I have to credit Marcus Speh with the "serious writer" term! (He used to be Finnegan Flawnt)

Snort! Damp! That's fantastic.

ha, thanks Ally! it still makes me laugh. That scares me.

Hilarious and so true.

Ha ha ha...

I'd hope a man wouldn't say damp...

Great tone. Love the non-specific, non-particular use of "the serious writer." That kind of characterization reminds me of a story I read recently. "People Like That Are the Only People Here: Canonical Babbling in Peed Onk" by Lorrie Moore.

I adore this story even more than I admire the fact that you've worked in "poontang" as a tag (and that's a great deal.)

ha ha, fun how meta this is. love the ironies, and also, myself, have never been able to use any of those words. would seriously have to practice if i did, just as you describe. love the tags. including finnigan flawnt.

Seriously funny piece! Ah, can a serious writer use the word "piece," for fuck's sake?? Oh, sure, why not now that you've let the pussy outa the bag.

Thank you Thomas!

thanks Simon. Nope, I don't think a man would say "damp" I really don't.

Alex - thank you very much for your comment about this and the character comparison to Moore's piece - high praise indeed. Much appreciated.

Tracy, you are a doll. thank you.

Tantro, thanks oodles.

Tantro, thanks oodles.

Ed Higgin, much thanks. Yes, I know that "for fuck's sake" takes her (or me) OUT of the realm of serious writerhood. Thank God. I'm glad you caught that!

This is the first thing I read on Fictionaut. It's great! Thanks Meg!

Of COURSE I love this story! I ooze. You are both funny and a real turn on here.

I love it! One of my mantras for writing is that nothing should be censored and nothing is taboo! Fabulous piece! Thanks for posting it.

Thanks Kathy!!!

Thank you Brent and Eryk W. I am really glad it is fun to read. I had so much fun writing it.

Absolutely had to read it since a) it's one of yours, and b) what a title. Wasn't let down! And my GOD, the tags - my vocabulary has certainly expanded. Bravo!

Well done.

Such a great piece of work!

fave

After reading this piece, I find I have something on my mind, but I can't quite put a finger on it...

Anyway, this is fantastic. FANTASTIC.

soggy?

One wishes that today's romance novelists would take a leaf from your book.

thank you Mr. Matvey, Mr. Robinson (what is your finger on?) Mr. Roorbach (no to soggy)

and Mr. Yeh! such a surprise and nice to meet you here. Thank you. Haha! (about today's romance novelists). yeah...

OK seriously - R U kidding? Major FAV in all caps, red and bold. I'll be back tomorrow to offer some comment about the writing...but for now I am responding to it and resonating with it like a ROCK 'N ROLL song- and you don't analyze that shit when you hear it for the first time!

By the way - who did that painting? I LOVE it!

I trust this was as much fun to write as it is to read!

This story made me cackle. Nice.

Seriously...

thank you so much Jim Lloyd Davis. It is serious to me too. I find it so. well, sort of!

Thank you Mr. Maxwell! did i thank you here?

I got moist reading this. *

Hairylairious. *

I have a difficult time being serious when the word pussy comes up. I could have said it gives me a hard time, but that wood have been too much of a play on words. Fave this though, because it could be serious, touches on all those damned aspects of being my age. Yikes. Pussyhood/adulthood/femalewriter/midlifer/master of all masterful things (like pussy and practicing reflection-stares. Well done.

This issue is of urgent importance for the serious writer as as soon as the writer becomes completely comfortable uttering this word smoothly in readings, a new repugnant synonym will come to the fore as the latest to be used by the most serious writers of all, and pussies will be allowed to return to the feline community and small children in a house full of cats will no longer have to be mocked by their adolescent siblings for using the term.

thank you Yvette. I know there is no sense of seriousness when the word "pussy" comes up, for me anyway... it kind of dampens things.

Gloria -thank you pinned it here. I am hoping to return the word "pussy" rightfully to families with cats.

I too have embraced Pussy and Cock (writing-wise), albeit with some trepidation, but have been told to avoid "moist." Now it's official: the New Yorker has weighed in: http://tinyurl.com/7pa6agg

Meg - I enjoyed this.

Didi

I love when pussy makes me laugh.