"A part of growing old is folding things in half," she said, folding all the kitchen dish towels.
I saw how the family luck, clingy as cat hair, never had a chance to break free. I learned that my mother's luck was a wan cup of Pepsi that has been out all night for a sick child, flat and then discarded. On our stoop, luck cleared its throat like a Mormon missionary and walked away.
Now, the fake flagstone stone stairs leading up to our house are crazy, and our door knob is black. The sky and the moon always dawdling, absentmindedly humming, doing what the newspapers say.
Her luck was crocodilian, it ate her and I was next in line. I was the child waiting in the shallow water... for soft, tickling fish.
Her luck once had the dreamy lick of salt between us - and then I was born to her... screaming and wanting nothing to do with human milk. I imagine her whisking soy powder into water. The rise of her functional breasts.
We got rid of the dog because he bit the postman. My father left because he hated animals. We still had the three cats. He had a point. I munched carrots instead of crying, my feet and the palms of my hands became orange.
To kill our bad luck, I became the world's best. Best at things nobody bragged about:
1. chopping onions without ruining my makeup.
2. opening a curtain and seeing God in the wet air.
3. brightening my nights by moving things along the softest part of my body.
Luck sways and eats itself. Mom watches less TV and still folds towels. Soon, a boy will find me sitting alone at recess and say, "Hey."
That boy will find me attractive and say, "You are cuter than you think."
He'll try to change my luck while begging for cigarettes, and I'll offer them.
He'll trot to his car to get a lighter, and he'll bring a snack bag of nuts, pistachios... and we'll share them... sitting behind the school library, coughing and munching and kissing, echoing the others lips.
Nice. Lots of good stuff here. Particularly like this: "I saw that her luck, always lousy, never had a chance to bounce off the table and break free. Her luck was like a pressed flower, or like a wan cup of Pepsi that has been out all night for a sick child, getting flat and then discarded."
I say this every time, but this one truly might be my favorite Pokrass. Until the next one, of course. *
Thanks very much Chris. I edited it a bit since you saw it.
Julie, you are so supportive, thank you.
"1. chop onions without ruining my makeup.
2. open a curtain and see God in the wet air.
3. brighten nights by moving things along the softest part of my body.
Luck sways and eats itself,
Luck is a cannibal..."
Amazing work. Yes.
thanks so much Sam!
Folds open; folds closed. Love the structure of this.
thank you Jane. I keep changing the poor story!
It gets better each time you touch it, the story of course.
It's no longer poor ... if it ever was. I saw it earlier in passing. It was different, but certainly not poor.
I love the folding. The crocodilian luck ... pistachios. I love:
"2. opening a curtain and seeing God in the wet air."
I'm a sucker for lists.
Fave
WONderful rhythm; permutations on luck expanding & contracting along the way. "Her luck was crocodilian, it ate her and I was next in line" is a screaming across the sky. Rocket! I love the first line - it sets the tone simply and precisely. I love the poignancy of the piece. It's lyrically lovely - I imagine one reason you are tinkering to be a search for the predominant sharpness in only just one or two more places? For instance, I love the word 'lousy,' but wonder if something more visually (or otherwise sensorially) provocative might...? Likewise, perhaps, with 'died' on the stoop (love 'stoop'), as it's pale against the likes of crocodilian, etc. Forgive me if I trespass - and I might well be diametrically wrong! It's wonderful, Meg. Very much a pleasure to read.
Thank you Catherine, you are so right, I played with it and came up with other words. You PINNED it, I can't thank you enough! trespass? You must be kidding. so great, this kind of feedback. Invaluable.
"clingy as cat hair" - awesome. Now juicy juxtaposition between clinging & bouncing. AAnd "cleared its throat like a Mormon missionary and walked away" intrepid / slam dunk!
because of you! thank you, i need to be directed to these areas. xo-meg
Such fabulous stirring images here. -my mother's luck was a wan cup of Pepsi that has been out all night for a sick child-I love this, Meg!
"2. opening a curtain and seeing God in the wet air"
Very nice turning point. It makes this charcter's climb from the depths very moving. *
Dean, thanks very much. I'm happy you enjoyed this!
thank you Kim!
like this one a lot. the "her luck was crocodilian" is very nice, also, the "dreamy lick of salt between us".
Favorite bits: '2. opening a curtain and seeing God in the wet air.' & 'Luck sways and eats itself.' Such good stuff, Meg. *
Thanks, Robert Kloss! I'm glad you liked this. You were the first one to mention the lick of salt bit and I was hoping that worked, so this is really helpful!
Thank you Mark, I'm really glad. God in the wet air part works.
I've not been at Fictionaut for a while, try to scan the stories in a feed, and this one grabbed and pulled me through the internet to pay homage. One of your best--for me--Meg.
Love this bit:
"I became the world's best. Best at things nobody bragged about:
1. chopping onions without ruining my makeup.
2. opening a curtain and seeing God in the wet air.
3. brightening my nights by moving things along the softest part of my body."
sweet, hopeful, sad...and very touching.
This was wonderful. Loved the list and the ending. Just amazing writing Meg!
i'm glad you liked it Susan Gibb! Thank you.
hey Jo- thanks so much for reading this and commenting and i love that you love the list. I didn't know whether I could put a list in and worried about it, I'm really glad it works.
hey Jo- thanks so much for reading this and commenting and i love that you love the list. I didn't know whether I could put a list in and worried about it, I'm really glad it works.
Gloria -that means a lot! thank you!
great analogies. I like the juxtaposition of luck and religion/God ("opening a curtain and seeing God in the wet air." Also that God is a means to "kill(ing)" bad luck). It creates an interesting compare/contrast situation.
thank you for reading it C.
Rock on, Meg. Gorgeous lines.
Thank you so much, Jules!
Meg, you have knocked me out here. I TOTALLY LOVE this sad and honest and beautiful tale...
i like stories that keep eating themselves
I really like this. The way the elements break and get welded back together. Very nice!
thanks very much Susan!!!
Oh GO yeah, i know you like stories that eat themselves! And it is turkey day!
Bill - thanks so much I'm really glad you enjoyed this little story!
this is too close to home! heh heh.
This is great. I’m particularly fond of that image of the Mormon missionary.
Your virtuosity is breath-taking to me. Images cascade, their bittersweet chards left to sparkle in an array of loss and longing at once close and far away. Haunting. Poignant. An ongoing pleasure to read your work here.
It continues to reward after multiple readings. As always, I want more.
Fine work, Meg, as always.