3655 11 4
|
Lately, while he is upon me, in that way that men are upon women, I imagine him a pornstar with only one clip available for replay. Like I am a loop of a video girl below, taking it, maybe calling out in Russian. When I feel rambunctious, I imagine him a
|
365513
|
Saddam Hussein was a street-side seller of hot nuts near Faneuil Hall. He worked undercover there during the last Gulf War until just after it, as the US slagged the Iraqis. If only they'd known while they video-bombed his underground bunkers and chased his doubles that…
|
365455
|
"A little knowledge truly is a dangerous thing."
|
365083
|
I just like puppies, and slapping people.
|
36473215
|
Bobby Fischer hates anyone using his name. Movies, books, stories, news articles, games. Kasparov, Spassky, even Deep Blue—he cursed them for ever having thought of his name. Whoever's thinking my name right now—burn in hell!
|
364758
|
But you know what? You give yourself a fall back plan, you fall back. Not me. I am shooting for the stars and rising high. Next week, I start filming my first feature film. I get to play Tommy Lee Jones’ sexy little stepdaughter. Me and Tommy are g
|
36431511
|
...still the same old signs...
|
364211
|
He ignored his scalded scrotum and listened intently. The music was beautiful beyond all physical pleasure or pain. The end of the piece gave him a deeper understanding of the expression 'la petite mort'.
While he was still recovering, the next track b
|
36314720
|
The serious writer always knew there would be a last story but when the time came, he felt ill-prepared.
|
3627104
|
Two thousand and two was the worst year for love in the history of sports. People carried their sadness around in wheelbarrows.
|
36252422
|
I will gobble them like tiny men, missions and things to prove.
|
362266
|
[JESUS LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYBODY, BUT HE'S DEAD. NO-ONE COULD EVER LOVE YOU AS MUCH, OR YOU THEM, SO DON'T EVEN TRY. HAVE A NICE LIFE! MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!]
|
361522
|
What is the half-life of the daycare cold? That's what I'd like to know. Somewhere a scientist is carbon-dating a pterodactyl's knuckles, but does anyone really care?
|
3615126
|
I seem to be at a crisis in this cursed writing life of mine[exclamation point] I am too depressed to squeeze another uncannily inspiring observation out of my pert[comma] sassy self[semi-colon] I waiver hysterically between feverish confidence and a pai
|
36145244
|
I planned to go to the ends of the earth to avoid rejection.
|
360666
|
IN TIME,
we will walk on gravel paths
studded with gemstones.
|
36042716
|
|
36011911
|
|
359443
|
I execute my plan (conceived hours earlier while painting toenails) to go next door to the 7-11 clone and buy some coffee. I am too lazy to walk six blocks to the grocery store. I understand that this is a problem but I will deal with it later I swear. …
|
35876833
|
I know he's an accident waiting to happen.
|
358544
|
Wow. I’m just going to say it/
That’s one ugly little girl you’ve/
Made for yourself. But now someone/
Will miss you when you’re dead.
|
3584104
|
Stroman first saw the moons when he took Lisa’s blouse off. He did not call them moons when he first saw them; they were merely identical crescent-shaped crimson discolorations at the tops of each of her breasts.
|
35833721
|
A cartoon of my personal insight to publishing as I know it.
|
358294
|
I walk into the fruit and vegetable market and she sees me right away. I've been trying to avoid her and have been successful for more than three weeks. The break-up was not a good one. I still have a scar over my left eye where the glass ashtray hit me.
|
35783123
|
|
35623215
|
He wanted to walk in, take off his scrubs, and not have to look at pictures of peaches.
|
356062
|
Your mom’s favorite joke right now is how enamored I am with the chair the nurse brought me, the one that converted into a bed. Apparently, it’s all I can talk about when people ask about your birth. But really what can I say? If I say the birth was easy,
|
355442
|
My wife’s voice behind me says, “Where did you get that godawful tee shirt?”
|
355320
|
Hell found me. I was scouring my shelf for books to read last night and nothing seemed to interest me. There were books on anthropology, politics, economics, science, and sociology -- the works. There were also my Hornby's, Gaiman's, Tolkien's,…
|
355362
|
A sticky glass. An open copy of Outside magazine. A flat part of the meadow that reeked of blood and cologne. A dog (my dog) hidden in the closet, shivering so hard the hangers jangled.
|
