1307 2 1
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Forgive me father for I have sinned.”
“Tell me how you have sinned, my son?”
Lies, father. I have told lie after lie in pursuit of my personal gain. I have lied to my family, my friends, to thousands of people who desired nothing from me but the tr
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83133
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I've heard it said that nothing lasts forever. But when I heard this, no one could have made me believe that nothing referred to my Helen. For it was just this morning that I watched her step quite happily onto our porch, and blow me her goodbye kiss, as
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112276
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"I'm in a wrestling movie!" you shouted.
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64953
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I'm sure this sort of thing happens all the time.
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29900
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Q: How do you explain immaculate conception?
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161022
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It was 1986 when I met you. We both lived on Decatur Avenue in a tank that had enough room for you, me, and all our fake plastic accoutrement. I was 30 years old -- really old for a jellyfish. Some people thought I'd die sooner. But I knew better. I was…
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115622
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The leadoff hitter must be comfortable accepting that he will almost never be the hero and will not be anyone's favorite and he will not be the baseball card that is traded for simply because his skills and abilities are subtle.
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7800
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10700
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Abby sat on the slate floor of the strange kitchen and gagged: Mr. Titters's end had precipitated a surge of diarrhea—frothy, moist, and impossible to expunge entirely from the white carpet, as if he had became an icing tube in…
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98387
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Cat fight. I rush outside and swinging my trusty broom I charge the rolling yowling ball of black fur.
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5300
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The hell with beheading people
I’m inventing the Be-Assing Machine
for people who are just plain big asses
This way they won’t be able to sit down anywhere
If they do they will just fall through a big dark hole
similar to their own big assho
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248122
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What if Walt Disney had himself turned into a cartoon?
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4500
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Bobby Putnam was an idiot. He was a successful idiot, a wealthy idiot, an idiot born of Connecticut royalty into an ancient and venerable name, but a raving and mindless idiot.
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89911
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71121
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You’ll end bar-hopping once and for all
You’ll never leave the house
Steve took this one with him to the grave
because he knew nerds everywhere would stop speaking to him
Yes, that’s right, it’s the magnificent new I-Penis
with built-in 10 m
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