Walt's Frozen Head

by George LaCas

Maybe it was the technology of the time, he didn't have anything better to choose from, but why was it exactly that Walt Disney had his head frozen? The lure of cryogenics, in which your body (or head, including face and brain, or your DNA which could then be grafted onto a fresh body of some sort) is preserved for a future time when you can be brought back to life. Personally I wouldn't hold my breath on that one. And besides, what would you do in the future, hundreds of years later, when you wake up to a science-fiction world full of robots and semi-human creatures and flying electric cars and ads you can't get away from because they're beamed directly into your cerebral cortex with cellular technology?

            Anyway, getting back to Walt Disney and his frozen head. Suppose, just for the sake of argument, that instead of having his head frozen--or maybe as a stop-gap measure while he waited for science to catch up with his apparent wish for immortality--Walt had himself turned into a cartoon? With his resources, he could have had animation artists make cartoons starring Walt Disney in a wide variety of life situations: Walt taking a bath, Walt smoking a cigarette on the balcony of a Hollywood mansion, Walt hobnobbing with movie stars and other well-known cartoon characters, Walt driving a car through the Hollywood hills, Walt sleeping and dreaming while two hookers lie there patiently waiting for shift-change at which point another pair of hookers would relieve them, Walt eating ice cream, steak, French fries, hamburgers, shrimp cocktails, Caesar salads, etc. along with various beverages. A full list is impossible, but you get the point.

            Walt could have achieved an interim immortality, simply by being a cartoon character. While he might not have experienced consciousness during these onscreen adventures, he would have been "alive" from the point of view of everyone else. And such an existence would be in keeping with his life's work, and many of these episodes of his fictional post-life life might well go on to be as loved as movies like Cinderella, Snow White, and others.

            Which is a good thing, because sooner or later they'd have to play the cartoons over and over, in a continuous loop, and reruns are only tolerable if they're really, really good.

            Besides which, as anyone familiar with freezing things knows, freezer-burn is almost inevitable if something is left in the freezer long enough, no matter how you wrap it up. So imagine poor Walt, waking up in four hundred years, groggy and headachy, with his puckered head attached to some cybernetic horror of a body, or a body like a long slimy tadpole which would later mature into Walt's normal self. What a grumpy prick he would be.