Stories tagged humor

The Artist Church Close

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In a news article recently they misspelled the artist Chuck Close to read Church Close. I didn’t know art could have such a huge effect: Church Close. And is that ALL Churches? Or just the one called Chuck?

WWJRD

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On a visit, Jesus sees bracelets with WWJD. What does that mean? he asks. What Would Jesus Do? they respond. I wouldn’t wear that, he says.

Laughter Is a Full-Time Job Without Benefits

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Beware of shouting Dress Barn, Dress Barn! when having an orgasm Don’t tell him you were seeing Starbucks when you came It’s just not the same

Consider The Son

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Don’t forget, I’ve watched the evil you’ve done to the lawn for years, not to mention the chaos you’ve made of the woodshed. Don’t you remember me showing you how to properly stack the wood?

Lint Trick

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Those socks? Nope. I'd look like the joker in the commercial, the creep with the pollen issues and the triangular smile. What a genius. It's the part off-screen I can't forget, the part they left on the editing reel. She's crumbling the crackers into her soup, that dry…

Bootsy Goes on a Bender

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Bootsy awoke with a hangover that only brain surgery could cure, a hangover that caused a seam to open in the known universe, leaving Bootsy on one side while all other matter sped away, away.

Wavering Faith

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Grady Quail wondered why God didn't just have another son

Why I Don't Write Sex Scenes Anymore

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I’ve had my face talked off by those types (and I’m sure you’ve met a few) who need to say and hear “special” words, and they go "unh-hunh, unh-hunh, o yeah, o yeah, unh hunh."

You Only Get One Question

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Before the wife knows it, she’s renting motel rooms for us to sneak away. She feels so alive that she’s practically vibrating, like a high-school girl right before a date with the town bad boy.

The Tale Of Cunegunda

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Now it should be mentioned here This is certainly the time That Cunegunda lived in Ipswich A beastly place to rhyme.

Florida Man Mistakes Girlfriend for Hog, Shoots Her

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no further comment

Party at my Place

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My vagina invites you to a party Whenever your time frees up Or now, Now would be better

Honey Bee

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But only to watch the boys squelched over and over — only to suffer the longing of a life I will never live with them while in the nunnery of honey.

A Tough Act To Follow

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In an ancient burlesque house the curtain rises. A trio of aged, idiotic vaudevillians takes the stage. They begin performing. Tumbling. Pratfalls. Acrobatics. One grabs his balls and throws up.

70-Year-Old Virgin Says She’s Finally Ready for Love

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70-year-old virgin says she’s finally ready for love. What a heart breaker! Oh, Lord! Meanwhile, elsewhere in the news, Girl Scouts are under scrutiny from Catholic bishops. I’ll bet! Also, this just in: 'Butt dialing' may be to blame for 38% of