Stories tagged humor

Gorging on a Diet of Words

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After years of unsustainable binge spending and a global economic semi-meltdown, most people have had to cut back on their expenses. Many folks are struggling to make do in this new and bewildering economy and we are all learning to live on our means, rather than beyond…

Photographing Jesus

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Arnold was sure he'd seen Jesus in a slightly torn silver raincoat checking out the marked down wine in aisle three. Really sure. He’d seen the yellow ID badge and the heavenly aura that he’d read about. Only this Jesus looked like a woman and an attr

This Is For Freddy

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Milton Glick waddled his girlish hips through my front door.

Cloudstopper (poem)

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She was Clementine Cropper and didn't you know She's the one you remember when there's talk of the blow.

And in Chicago Yet, and It Was 108*

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It was the middle of the night when she started hearing voices. She thought the voice was saying, “Hello Dolly, Hello Dolly,” and that was when she called the building manager. It was the middle of the night, but he came up to her apartment anyway, be

Kitchen Consciousness

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she's bent over and reaching into the oven to pour fat over a chicken. I just want to tug those pants down and thrust.

More New Bands I Have Known and/or Been In

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Uber Rich Spongecake Caca Mimi and the Autre Merdes

How To Become a Great Writer

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My name is Tom Scarlatti and my kid brother, Billy, resents me. Of course, if you read magazines, you probably already know that. You probably don't think much of me, either. In fact, you probably think I'm a rotten no-good clod, since my brother Billy the famous…

A LETTER FROM YOUR SECRET ADMIRER

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“What? Someone broke into your apartment while you were there and did what?” “The dishes.” “The intruder did the dishes?” “Yes.” “The intruder did the dishes?” A second time, skeptically, “And left a sweet note.” You would clarify.

A Fave Author

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“I like all the popular writers a whole lot but not so much the not-so-popular ones because they're not popular and that's just nasty if you think about it and I have.”

Good For The Ducks

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It's dawn. It's quiet on the pond in the Public Garden. The light is calm, the pollution is mild, and everything is still,except for the occasional cruising taxi. It's the beginning of spring-- tulips out, leaves…

News You Can Use

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Escaped pet monkey terrifies Fla. neighborhood. There’s no need to panic, says the local sheriff. He’s a “pet” monkey. He’ll come back to his senses pretty soon. Any day now. Just stay indoors. Pretend you’re in a hurricane drill. Get some sleep. Or maybe

How to Get Gaythin (an excerpt from Conversations with S. Teri O'Type)

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"Never! Use sugar! Except! As a prefix . . . for daddy."

How to Get Gaythin (an excerpt from Conversations with S. Teri O'Type)

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"Never! Use sugar! Except! As a prefix . . . for daddy."

Friend of Man

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I don’t read. I don’t do the dishes. What am I? If I were more domesticated, I’d poop in the street. I’d lift my leg and pee on the bushes. I would chase after every ass in the hood and sniff them too. I wouldn’t fetch much. What am I? Wha