Stories tagged humor

Nightmares from the Wanted Section

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WANTED: a Muse. Former Special Forces solider turned poet seeking artistic inspiration. Brunettes preferred but blondes will not be turned away; gingers, however, are out of the question. Must have a voice that sounds like money, a self-destructive tem

The Dummy Drop

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I looked at my now silent cell phone feeling like an idiot. Thad was standing next to me, that shit eating grin plastered on his face like gravy stains on an old shirt."So Genius Jones, what the fuck did he say to you?" asked Thad, sarcasm dripping onto the floor. "She blew…

Are You Sure Charles Bukowski Did It This Way?

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"I'll bet the weather is rather pleasant in Guantanamo this time of year. A black hood will actually go nicely with virtually anything in my wardrobe," I thought as I turned away from the counter.

I Happen To Think I Have A Great Face, Actually

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For those of you with a position cemented firmly to the contrary, I happen to think I have a great face, actually. My face, maybe I talk about my body a lot, but my face is pretty great, really it is.

Life As a Beach

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Life is a beach, not an enormous ashtry.

Seiler

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1. If anybody tells you that this story isn't true they are lying. It is a true story; I am lying if it isn't, and I don't lie. It's the story of me, Ms. Emma Wakeling and the Winter I was holed up with her and her two girls, Noranbole and Urine. What a Winter! It…

The Centre for Cultural Sled-Dogs?

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Centre for Cultural Sled-Dogs. Oui? No?

Ma & Pa

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The rickshaw is a monument to Ma, who waves at gawkers, a beauty queen on a float of faded flowers.

Who Will Play Monica? That Is the Question

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It is absurd to think that a cockroach will wake up one day as a human. And it is certainly surreal to imagine that a fat pigeon in Paris, New York or Rome, say, or even Prague, will one day take up a pen and begin writing poetry, or wave the wand of phil

You're A Bad Dad: The Story Of Juniper Mélange

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Juniper Mélange was a cat person, not a dog person. Truly detested when she perceived falseness in another person. She wore glasses and drank tea. Had dark straight hair and light skin. She dressed conservatively and would watch the sky most days. She wou

A Paris

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Massachusetts Man Catches Fire After Applying Sunscreen

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a plateful of empty bangers!

Seiler

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A tale of cruelty, love, devotion and neglect, lust, obsession, ego and vanity, cowardice, courage, fetish and power. And string.

Damien Hirst Burger

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the Tate Modern is like a dungeon!

The Bad Tourist Handbook

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P is for poop