Stories tagged humor

The Titan. An Office Romance

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The Titan, the last of his kind—his current name bears no connection to his past—sits in his cubicle, typing away. He took this job because he likes math. For 5,645 years, he has been hiding from Olympic gods intent upon killing him. Now that they ar

French Vanilla Death

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She found him sprawled on the floor, facedown in the International Delight. Not surprisingly, even the defunct stranger had preferred the French Vanilla over the awful Amaretto.

The Tall Guys Club

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Some of the guys wear earplugs. They wear ‘em because they don’t wanna hear it. Oscar Livitt fucking. Nobody looks.

Boba Fett Blues

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So you want to know my earliest realization that I was just another boob consumer? Trace it back to my Star Wars Action figure days. Fish out the collapsible C3PO from a war-torn pile of crummy Jawas and Storm Troopers, no they're all out of Snaggletooth

A Dispatch from an Enivironmental Lawyer Who is Trying to Grow a Mustache

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Angelina Jolie, seducer of Brad Pitt, tattooed mother of rescued orphans, and the unlikely daughter of Jon Voight who broke Billy Bob Thornton's heart, is only two blocks from me, in a travel trailer on Seventh Street, gently rousing herself from sleep.

Split the Hidden Hair

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he took me in his arms, and was about to take me… and daddy came around the corner yelling and screaming

Yadda, Yadda, Yaddo

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I arrived at Yaddo, the prestigious artists’ retreat, in the summer of 1941. With America’s “day that will live in infamy” several months away, my own day of infamy began the second morning of my residency.

A Letter to the Global Warming

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I am mightily pissed. I was, like, waiting for you last night, at the Greenhouse cafe, and you stood me up. I should have listened to my mom who always advised me not to go on blind dates, but you are so popular that I just couldn't help myself. When I ca

A Young Girl's Passage

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"There's a dead mouse in the toilet!"

Love Me, Tender

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The karaoke clique at Los Americanos Cantina called him “The Lisping Elvis” though his speech impediment was more cwust for crust than thithy for sissy. But too late for splitting hairs—he’d been stamped.

French Vanilla Death - Prima Parte

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At the time, we only knew that our guest had been lying on the carpet long enough for the coffee spilled on him to have coagulated and almost completely dried, and for the French Vanilla to achieve the consistency of glue. Or, at least, a thicker glue.

French Vanilla Death - Seconda Parte

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The lead man, who did not seem to be the most important or distinguished, just the one walking in line before all of the others, knocked twice on the door and opened it quickly. He stepped gingerly through the doorway and the others filed gloomily in afte

Men on Mars

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My love was photovoltaic, not Elizabethan.

Shafted

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And there it sits. One made-in-Hong-Kong-King-Kong of a ding-dong. An eight inch monstrosity, perfectly and permanently erect. The adage 'eyes bigger than belly' comes to mind, or better yet, 'don't shop when hungry.'

Recovering From Debt Rape

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Sure, we'll look at the causes for the lack of smackers, but, really, if you had a Swiss bank account stuffed with dinero, you wouldn't care how much your spouse's sex-change operation costs or if your boss approved of your lunch-hour massages you receive