1651 3 4
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Days went by as I stood in the woods waiting for a tree to fall, and when none did, I determined the universe is cold and indifferent and that man’s only hope is to buy wood chippers.
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203482
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1. Main character:
Promiscuous girlfriend.
2. Main character's goal:
Wants to have a lot of sex.
3. Obstacle:
Has boyfriend.
4. Character's idea of a solution to the goal:
Cheats on boyfriend.
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110620
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My apologies also for those crowded roads you and your families have to drive on. My generation would have built more public transportation but, in all honesty, we just didn't give a damn.
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356382
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There's just no pleasing her.
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154642
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The proud, burly tree / Rests on the now crashed TV / Thanks a lot, nature
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198841
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This is a story about Jim and Robin. They are strangers. Or at least they were. They are at the same party, but standing on opposite sides of the room. Robin is standing near the door thinking, “I wish there was someone here to talk to,” when she sees Jim. …
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26674
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I first realized I could fight monsters when I was six. There was a particularly nasty Class 4 that lived under my bed. It was green and scaly with veiny lumps for eyes.
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126731
|
“Tonight’s news begins with a Stone’s Throw exclusive. Intimate friends of hotel heiress Paris Hilton have confided that the talent-starved celebrity has agreed to marry Quaker Bob, longtime spokesperson and package icon for Quaker Oats cereal.
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193113
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Bobo opened his mouth, sang, "Hark the Herald Angels sing," till I placed my hand over his tiny lips. "I hate that hymn. I hate Christmas and all those angloid things," I exclaimed, fiercely. "I want another planet real bad I want it. Stop drooling all ov
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192600
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When I went to the SPCA, I had the intention of looking for a Beagle. I had done the research and thought the breed would be a good fit for my lifestyle. I am a long distance runner and wanted some company on the long night runs. I wanted a dog that would…
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154852
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|
9700
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I put on my one suit to impress the landlord. I made up a story that I was a trust-funder and Allison was my newly-wed wife and we had just arrived in California to start a relaxed life of luxury and yachting. We didn’t need to work because of this stea
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1599105
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That’s when the inconspicuous-until-now janitor saunters over, glances down at their starlist and mumbles, “Don’t forget the sun,” and the astronomers all slap their foreheads and smile.
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2200
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136650
|
Please direct your attention to the flight attendants as they demonstrate the safety features of this aircraft.
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