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I'd Be Happy To Date You When Hell Freezes Over -- One Single Librarian's Collection Of Online Dating Profile Turnoffs

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Dude -- I DON'T want to date your boat!

Forgiveness

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where teenage mothers sat in the waiting room feeding babies from bottles filled with Coca-Cola and Group 13 was filled with the unluckiest women in the world.

Soap

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Jackson's a chocolate lab. I brought him home from the no-kill this morning. I've always wanted a dog, but I did it more for Wylie. We stand under the willow with the water running out the hose, Jackson, Wylie and I. Dandelions cover the…

Old men, old dogs

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old men with crispy sunburnt ears

How To Become a Great Writer

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My name is Tom Scarlatti and my kid brother, Billy, resents me. Of course, if you read magazines, you probably already know that. You probably don't think much of me, either. In fact, you probably think I'm a rotten no-good clod, since my brother Billy the famous…

No Goodbyes

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She walks through the house she’d bought. The filth and the stench of mould nearly make her retch. Dead fleas line the windowsills, the dressers, the floors.

New York, New York

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The city's hung in flashlights.

Quail

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I can’t take my eyes off a tall blonde with green eyes. I catch her eye.

We Must Be Carefully Taut

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In the dread / of night, navigate by the sliver moon

Zoo Story

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I tell my friend, the animal lover, not to get too near the panther's cage. "Why not?" she asks. "You'll see," I say.

Real Estate

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He drove down there in his truck the second time. Didn't want to get anywhere near that snooty car of hers.

Written Six Weeks Before

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March 16, 2006 My mail, e-mail, and phone calls go from the ridiculous to the sublime. Apologies for the cliché, but I can't resist its perfect applicability: In my mailbox today yet another catalogue of boob jobs in bikinis and an invitation to explore…

Drinking an Orange Julius While Listening to Pink Floyd

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I was strapped for cache

Love?

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There's a mutual recognition...

How to Travel with Your Demons (2)

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The love of hundreds of people, seemingly, rain down from the sky, but its not like when the cock hits the good spot inside you. And everybody who is reading this knows this is true. We all know what that feels like, that aha moment, that eiphany, like,

Cymbals Guy

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cymbals guy — another way of saying hey turdshitface haul your skinnyass to the front of the bus.

We Used To Be Sharks

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I was sitting on the therapist’s couch in someone else’s boxer shorts.

The Boy who killed Christ

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He was on his way home from school on a dank winter afternoon when the attack came from nowhere, launched like a missile across the Gaza Strip. Suddenly he lay on his back with Jonathan Love pounding him in the face.

watch

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what drives them here?

Things I Should Have Done - #4

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I should have created a first-date questionnaire heartaches ago.

Hands

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pressing my hands into the voice in the bed,

Strange Fruit of Unrewarded Labor

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Poets are more like Jesus,/ suffering the cross

She Waited for Him

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what smells like love may not be love at all

Windowers

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naturally, the windowless ones are the worst.

Sorrows Know How to Swim

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That night he dreamed about a duel with toothbrushes....

Sinister Age of the Draft

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The so-called good, a weak but whiny lot, who actually clung to that abstract of "justice for all," would tattle to Mrs. Pufry...Mzzz Puffy, she hit me...Mzzz Puffy he said the bad word...Mzzz Puffy, I gotta go...Mzzz Puffy, Thomas is hanging in the cloak

Stone Cold Sexy

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You drink in women's bodies, without reserve. You take a sip at the post office, a gulp at the gym, a teensy taste when we walk together. Tonight you even indulged as we were looking for a parking spot and passed some twenty-somethings, then followed up w

Exit 30

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They meant no harm when they flooded farms in its swirls and eddies

It Stops

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We made our escape on grimy streets under skies filled with crows, flapping like litter in the wind.

Twenty.

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His face is lined, lost, resigned,