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Tony Soprano said, “My pal Franco is a misunderstood hopeless romantic. If you don't capiche that, I'll have a conversation with your kneecaps.”

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Jackson's a chocolate lab. I brought him home from the no-kill this morning. I've always wanted a dog, but I did it more for Wylie. We stand under the willow with the water running out the hose, Jackson, Wylie and I. Dandelions cover the…

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My name is Tom Scarlatti and my kid brother, Billy, resents me. Of course, if you read magazines, you probably already know that. You probably don't think much of me, either. In fact, you probably think I'm a rotten no-good clod, since my brother Billy the famous…

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She walks through the house she’d bought. The filth and the stench of mould nearly make her retch. Dead fleas line the windowsills, the dressers, the floors.

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I can’t take my eyes off a tall blonde with green eyes. I catch her eye.

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I tell my friend, the animal lover, not to get too near the panther's cage. "Why not?" she asks. "You'll see," I say.

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He drove down there in his truck the second time. Didn't want to get anywhere near that snooty car of hers.

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March 16, 2006 My mail, e-mail, and phone calls go from the ridiculous to the sublime. Apologies for the cliché, but I can't resist its perfect applicability: In my mailbox today yet another catalogue of boob jobs in bikinis and an invitation to explore…

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The love of hundreds of people, seemingly, rain down from the sky, but its not like when the cock hits the good spot inside you. And everybody who is reading this knows this is true. We all know what that feels like, that aha moment, that eiphany, like,

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He was on his way home from school on a dank winter afternoon when the attack came from nowhere, launched like a missile across the Gaza Strip. Suddenly he lay on his back with Jonathan Love pounding him in the face.

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I should have created a first-date questionnaire heartaches ago.

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Poets are more like Jesus,/ suffering the cross