by Jake Barnes
She packed up her stuff and left. Gone to make whoopee with her boy toy. He shrugged. Goodbye and good riddance, he said, but that's not what he felt.
She had left some stuff. A book or two. A bottle of Vermouth. He had no use for that. He checked the medicine chest in the upstairs bathroom and found that she had left her toothbrush. He tossed it in the trash. He had no use for that, either.
That night he dreamed about a duel with toothbrushes, she with her lavender one, he with his white. She wielded her weapon like a cudgel. She beat him black and blue. She chased him out of the house and he ran down the street screeching “Help! Help!”
In the morning he searched every closet and drawer in the house and put what he found, including the toothbrush, into a black plastic sack and dumped into the garbage.
The only thing he kept was the Vermouth. He went to the liquor store and bought a bottle of gin, and that night before bed, he had more than a few martinis and slept like a baby.
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She up and left me. The rest of the story is pure fiction.
Oh yes...that kind of sleep. Very well executed.*
With him all the way--except I'm not the least bit sleepy. *
Sometimes a martini is the only correct answer. Hits all the buttons.*
Good writing. Good closing. *
Good job telling an all-too familiar story.
Vermouth always come in handy.
I knew it was fiction, 'cause when they leave, they leave nothing behind. I know these things. Trust me.
*
Smart move keeping the vermouth. *
That night he dreamed about a duel with toothbrushes, she with her lavender one, he with his white. She wielded her weapon like a cudgel. She beat him black and blue. She chased him out of the house and he ran down the street screeching “Help! Help!”
How to do a dream. (See above)
How to write a story.(See the collected works of Jake Barnes)
What I learned from Jake Barnes: do not belabor ANYTHING!
*
Yep.*
My toothbrush and deodorant are my only vices. Vermouth makes boy toys look better. It wears off just like the deodorant. Well written.. loved this.
Tight. Visual. Liked the toothbrush passages. I envy you, so succinct in your arc. (WTF that means...)*
I have the art of swimming in martini's down to a schhlliienzzzzzzz….
Loved it Jake. Vermouth is a strange liquid, neither here nor there, yet very there when needed.
Splendid writing. One does what one does to survive. *
Excellent little scene - what does the Vermouth say about a person? At least he found some gin to make it palatable.
A lot of déjà vu in this. When my ex left, there were toothbrushes every where. She also left the Noilly-Pratt. What's with these women's who leave? Great writing. *