Stories tagged humor

Genesis Serpent’s Skin Found

11471147 views55 comments55 favs

This may be too religious for you, as at first it was so with me. But I assure you, on my scholarly integrity, I have found the Genesis Serpent’s skin! Yes, that Genesis Serpent--though just a leftover piece of him,


857857 views22 comments22 favs

What a great feeling it was, the day I first thought about and discovered how toilets work. Nearly as exciting as the day I learned wheelbarrel is actually spelled wheelbarrow.


2727 views11 comment11 fav

he opens the car door, wrestles out a full-size tiger, and drags it across the snow-covered lawn

Don't Let Bears Give You a Headache

781781 views11 comment11 fav

You think about bears and it gives you a headache? Don’t give them that power. You see bears and it gives you a headache? Don’t run. Don’t walk but don’t run.

some days are

10811081 views66 comments66 favs

some days are minotaur shit on your tongue/ smokestacks dumping acid rain on your already thinning hair your eyelashes pinned in upside down, backward/you give wrong shaving directions to the mirror

Sugared. Spiced. Salted.

962962 views44 comments22 favs

They continued sitting by the fake oasis, drinking single malt, eating soy crackers and chatting about the quality of escorts in glitzy glamping resorts. The Paring happened on number three. Just as the gold leafed chocolate fondant oozed decadent Bolivia

Union (Snatch 1)

6767 views66 comments66 favs

...male, female, ambiguous, obese, anorexic...

Them, Not Us

889889 views1212 comments66 favs

We hold fast to the bed’s corners, afraid our bodies, these new old bodies, have forgotten how to love in its center.

Union (snatch 2)

6161 views44 comments55 favs

There were little fights.

Snatch 3 (Union)

8181 views88 comments77 favs

Stop. Consider the risks before opening. Please.

snatch 4

11131113 views88 comments88 favs



10581058 views33 comments33 favs

You were sitting on dark leather meringue, wearing slit ivy, epilated thighs sliding through, roots showing beneath your anaemic skin, fighting with the pale bluegreen of your veins. Quills extended from your left hand, bent about 10.2 degrees or so.

Snatch (6)

11671167 views1212 comments1111 favs


Sleeping Apes and Washing Dishes: What I Learned From Magazines This Week

970970 views55 comments55 favs

Eat blueberries every day and you'll live to be a 92 year old mogul. Really.

Snatch 7 (come 11)

10751075 views88 comments66 favs

...the scream and the face...