Stories tagged humor

Mr. Creeping Hands, Gum-Popping Granny and Crabby Newspaper Guy: Welcome To Your Local Library

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Giving challenging patrons funny nicknames is a "library thing."

What I Learned About Death While Eating Dark Chocolate

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85% extra dark cocoa:/biting into bitter darkness

Onion Butt

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The onions are cut in half and sliced thin.

I Am Not Like All The Rest: Funny Lines From Online Dating Profiles

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After becoming single at age 62, I joined an online dating site. After a year of perusing profiles and meeting men for coffee, staying single is starting to look better and better to me. But I've stayed on the site, in part for the pure enjoyment of…

Driving Lessons

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He describes brushes with royalty. Tête-à-têtes with Nixon. The time Ho Chi Minh phoned at midnight desperate for his advice. Ah ha, I say. And Really?

Arion, the poet

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Nearly everyone knows of that celebrated poet’s story coming down to us from classical Greek mythology: the tragic tale of Orpheus and his descent into the underworld to rescue his beloved Eurydice. Well, there’s a much lesser known story of a legendary 7

Instructions for Assembly

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Please be advised to have at least 2 persons to assemble this unit Although it could take close to a dozen Always include at least 2 kibitzers Another 2 or 3 standing around sipping vodka martinis Be sure to have enough olives to go around And b

Life in a Time of Drought

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Life in a Time of Drought: Sign taped to the latrine Do Not Flush Until The Alligators Rise To The Surface

In a Perfect World

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Old Bukowski is sitting at the left hand of God You can’t tell who’s on the right side But every one of the angels are hushed Until God and Bukowski finish their hand of poker Beer bottles are strewn about everywhere Though there’s no drinking

Second Hand (Full)

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“Okay, here is a wild idea. Let's each choose outfits from the second hand store for the other to buy and wear to a bar for a drink..." Famous second to last words?

Creating Raoul

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Randall had created Raoul to enjoy the freedom of being another person, but this became his second life crisis.

They

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They had been part of the world for as long as he knew, but they were still an enigma to Timothy. They had an origin but he did not know what it was or what they were. They were both the source and the outcome. They generated and spread the information.

Everybody Be Cool, This is a Robbery!

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Wesley did not rob banks in Banning County. Wesley Roberts was the sheriff of Banning County; robbing its banks would have created a conflict of interest.

The Game Show Support Network

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Those who have lost at game shows meet each week for mutual support. All is well, until they start disappearing in ways related to their ill-fated appearances as contestants.

Sorting It All Out

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To understand how and when things have gone wrong, it works best to proceed from the beginning and put them in order.