Snatch (6)
by Mathew Paust
“Scream.”
“What?” His reaction was spontaneous, despite a synchronous understanding of what she meant as she uttered the imperative. He felt her face turn to him. He kept his eyes on her ballpoint, frozen a half inch above the pad.
“It might help.”
Her voice had softened further, reaching a tonal intimacy that cupped his heart with an easy, intuitive confidence. Alarmed, he raised his eyes to her face, and in doing so he heard it, the scream. He thought at first it was Aggie, that her humming had moved to a higher register, ascending to soprano or beyond. A ragged crescendoing shriek, it seemed. Could it yet be music? A cry of terror? The questions went moot when the swelling sound oscillated and then became two. Aggie's ditty tripped away, leaving the shriek in solo.
He knew it now. Knew it well. He moved his focus to the face, and realized he knew it now, too.
|
11
favs |
1277 views
12 comments |
164 words
All rights reserved. |
Author's Note
snatch 1: http://tinyurl.com/j9h6fjw
snatch 2: http://tinyurl.com/gvvtkf7
snatch 3: http://tinyurl.com/jdp6zlf
snatch 4: http://tinyurl.com/jq648qs
snatch 5: http://tinyurl.com/jqvftzb
Other stories by Mathew Paust
Tags
Groups
-
Sooper Sekrit Wurd Kave
Private group17 members
"reaching a tonal intimacy that cupped his heart with an easy, intuitive confidence." Masterful.*
That is a good line. *
Strong writing, excellent word choices *
Great compression in this chapter.
I'm preferring Snatch to Bacon.
I like what Gary said,"great compression." Makes it heavy in a good way.*
Enjoying Snatch. Good punches.
I like this new venture.*
"Her voice had softened further, reaching a tonal intimacy that cupped his heart with an easy, intuitive confidence. Alarmed, he raised his eyes to her face, and in doing so he heard it, the scream. He thought at first it was Aggie, that her humming had moved to a higher register, ascending to soprano or beyond. A ragged crescendoing shriek, it seemed. Could it yet be music? A cry of terror? The questions went moot when the swelling sound oscillated and then became two. Aggie's ditty tripped away, leaving the shriek in solo."
I would like to point out the stylistic excellence of this paragraph.
Sentence one: basically a declarative, ending with an adjective participial phrase.
Sentence two: compound sentence introduced by a lone past participle.
Sentence three: I'm going to call this a variation of a complex sentence.
Sentence four: declarative sentence inverted.
Sentence five: interrogative sentence. (the placement of that "yet"!)
Sentence six: interrogative fragment.
Sentence seven: one subject away from a compound/complex sentence.
Sentence eight: similar to the first sentence in the paragraph, a declarative, ending with an adverb participial phrase.
The variety of types of sentences and the variation in construction of sentences create a prose rhythm that makes the paragraph enjoyable and memorable.
It may be conscious or it may be intuitive, but good writing is careful writing. This is careful writing.
Admirable, Mat!
*
I'm humbled and flattered, Bill. The structure of that paragraph came word by word with no conscious thought of composition. In fact, I'm not even certain I understand completely what you've said here. Maybe my musical background helped with the rhythm, sound, and feel of how those words work together. I lean heavily on intuition, both in the making and the perception.
Thank you, my friend. This is the kind of feedback I wish I were able to provide others.
*, Mathew. Keep 'em coming.
Am enjoying this series, but however many 'snatches' are forthcoming? I'm sure this must be a statement against male monogamy.