Stories tagged humor

Flash Fiction With Instructions

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The protagonist’s story goes like this: 1.) You are young. You’ll get over it.

Blueprint for a tale

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Remove with care, then slowly lay the string, wide well-soaked end at left-hand edge, to start, and allow to curve, to bend, to almost loop and wind its way at rest across the mottled, patterned green

Modern Santa

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Santa.com was taken. So was christmas.com. Gosanta.ca was in Canada, and that didn't make any sense. Canada didn't own Christmas. Theredsuit.np was the best they could do. "Why has it taken us this long to put up a website?" asked Santa.

I'm a Man of Few Words

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Of only there were more like you, I wouldn't be changing careers. And my drawings would still be in magazines, instead of on strange people's rears.

A Memo From The CEO

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Over the last 30 days we have seen a radical decrease in our revenue stream. Our Q3 earnings fell dramatically short of what we had projected, and as a result the leadership team has had to look at some difficult cost-reducing measures.

Judging the Critic's Dance Contest

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How we all apologize for what we know and what we don’t, taking refuge, often self-professed, in illiteracy, incompetence or stress, in place of work.

Tales from the fictionaut Fave Side

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Into the bowl I put Tales from the Crypt, The Far Side and an episode of Numbers. Wisked for a moment, then let the dough rise.

writer’s block

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round & round this empty block again & again i go

Blanche DuBois Gives You a Tour of Her Company's Christmas Party

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You don't smoke, do you? Unfortunately, pet, there is not an indoor smoking area. But there is an indoor cocaine area!

Blind date

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“I'll have the Ribeye cooked medium rare,” says Bill, who looks over at Julia, blonde hair and disarming smile, and he thinks that she's not bad for a blind date. He doesn't like the way she butters her roll, however, and it agitates him that she spreads…

Officer Handsome

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I managed to get ahead of him, but he got behind me and turned his lights on. I then heard "Pull over NOW!" I wasn't sure how I could hear that as my windows were rolled up. Did he have a bullhorn? Oh crap; maybe he is a real cop? Why would a thief want t

Hipster Fighting

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My friend Abbs and I were out the other night in Williamsburg since it was so deliciously warm. You'd think the warm weather would put everyone in a good mood, but there's always gotta be one asshole. I went to park my car in front of Harefield Road only to see some…

Word of the Day

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“I've developed a strong yen for passionate sex with someone other than you," said Alice to her husband Tom as she turned the car into the parking lot of the local Dairy Queen...

Suppose, I ask my friend

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nothing has ever happened in this or that or any other or maybe too damn many parallel universes. . . .

Chinese farmer gets life in prison for evading highway tolls

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Bring me your poor, your tired, your hungry anyone skilled at evading highway tolls Bring me your escape artists dangling upside down in a straight-jacket from the sides of tall buildings Don’t let them starve in the prisons of the world Bri