Stories tagged humor

Call Me Naked

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[He] practiced aromatherapy and licentiousness, in no particular order.

But Wait, There's More

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A rock group named Stuck Gas Pedal. Another named Tweezer. A group of young punk-rockers wearing neckerchiefs named Mein Kampfire. But wait, there’s more. A song called “We Were Being Facetious,” co-written by them all. Lost Flyswatter. That

The Outlaw's Last Stand

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The Outlaw was tired. Tired and sore. During his short life on God’s great planet, mostly in the last ten years, he had raped thousands of women. Possibly even tens of thousands. He had killed at least as many men, most likely more. Each one of them tur

Ripped From the Headlines

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“Economic Stress in the U.S. is Easing More Slowly” brought to you straight from the office of Mumbo Jumbo in Wash D.C. (as in Wash your Dirty Closet) All day long the junior interns sit around their squeaky clean, orderly desks thinking

Flirting With Immortality

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That stupid bastard seemed to defy death at every turn in his life. His actions suggested invincibility, but his catch phrase indicated full awareness that he was indeed quite vincible. And how fitting was his name. We didn’t know if it

Quitting Is Easy

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I took up smoking just to show the world how easy it was to quit. It’s been five months now, and my wife is wondering why I haven’t yet.

A Dick Move

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I was fired today for fucking my boss’s secretary during my lunch break. Those were his words. I would never use such a harsh phrase to describe such an intimate moment. He called me into his office in the afternoon—after he had caught us and given me

Wild Dreams of Reality, 12

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I went out behind Parker's house and saw Darrell's tent set up in the grass. The flaps of the pup tent were open. I could see him through the mosquito netting. He had a Coleman lamp burning and lay on his back in his underwear on top of his sleeping bag.

The Oaten Hands

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His hands were like that when he was born. No one really understood why. Neither of his parents had any body parts made of oats. Neither of them had even eaten any oats the morning the conception took place. But sure enough, when Edwin MacGrain was born o

Putting the Fun in Funeral

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The funeral was a blast. One helluva time. We all had the time of our lives. Well, all of us except Dominic. It pissed me off that Dominic didn’t have fun. After all, he was the center of attention. The whole day was about him, and we spared no expense

Superhero 101: The Sidekick

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Robin is sick of being a sidekick. "I am just sick of it," he says. He is standing in front of a head shop. The manager is high, aroma leaking from his tee-shirt. He isn't sure if Robin is part of his trip or not, but he isn't going to

Hot Weather

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I would like to invite the public to an open-air, environmental art piece called Hot Weather. The exhibition will take place this summer. It will not begin until the temperature reaches 90 degrees. This demonstration is available free of charge

Piece of Mind

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Samuel wondered if Megan could hear the brains humming, but like so many of the questions Samuel had for Megan, it was difficult to find the right moment to ask.

Low On the Hog

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Living lower on the hog than anticipated lower on the hog than previously expected lower on the hog than desired Living on the underside of the hog belly pretty much bouncing on the ground beneath the aforementioned hog belly Living clos

Fates of the Stepdaughter

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The girl started with jell-o shots, followed by hard shots, followed by beer chasers, followed by too much of the brand of whiskey her father liked, followed by blood poisoning.