Stories tagged humor

Tweezer

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So, have you heard about Tweezer? It’s an offshoot of the band Wheezer

Best Left Unsaid: intro and ch.01

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“Evil is not always clothed in scales and horns,” the son frowns, “but it does wear a most unfashionable hat. To continue, what do I offer as collateral? My soul? Or is that too heavily mortgaged already?” The devil named his terms, congratulating

Rats

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I tell my wife that for just $36 you can buy a year’s supply of bananas to feed one rat. Or you can buy a “love nest” for a breeding pair of rats.

Josephine Skinny Jeans: Chapter 2

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Sometimes I have really violent dreams where I smash Libby’s face in with a liquor bottle, a brick, a mounted boar’s head... really whatever my brain makes available to me. I always wake up satisfied.

Josephine Skinny Jeans: Chapter 3

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It's possible I was having an acid flashback or some kind of semi-conscious when I opened the door of #3.

Josephine Skinny Jeans: Chapter 4

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They gave Lee a bunch of morphine in the ambulance and he came to vaguely, murmuring shit about God and mermaids.

Abletofly: New Wonder Drugs and Their Prohibitions

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With Abletofly you will be able to fly and the feeling will be overwhelming! A few warnings and precautions: Don’t try to drive a car if you experience an erection lasting more than eight hours. Stay at work. Work overtime. Don’t try to

Dear Planters

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My mother said that Corporations are soulless entities run by evil greedy men. I told her Corporations were nothing more than pieces of paper, the real company is made of the people that work there - real people with families, maybe even a kid like me. So

Cellphone Girl (Part I)

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The calls were going through her as if her whole head had become a wireless receiver. She absolutely did not understand how or why that was happening, but the physical evidence was impossible to ignore.

New Bum On the Block

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to get someone anyone to warm up to him and come out of their cloaks of uniformity like the glazed doughnuts of the human soul

Warning: Mud Makes Me Horny

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One day I was sucking down the HG French Vanilla, and the next day my body plugged itself into some universal energy grid. Like some unseen force had snuck into my body and somehow a biological experiment had gone terribly wrong. The unintended result was

Wild Dreams of Reality, 10

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I spent the whole day at Oliveira's, writing furiously in my notebooks. The words came pouring out. Just before seven, Darrell picked me up. I grew anxious driving down to Parker's studio because it was in a bad area on the border between Oakland

High Jinks

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A bunch of punk lambs standing around eating lion at the Lamb Eating Lion Buffet How can they go on eating like that knowing what they kno

Not Even

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That’s not just a trinket on her finger, that’s a rock, a fortress, a castle. No one can scale those walls except Joe Sixpack, slumped beside her at the airport. They’re not a match. I give it 5 years, max. Not even. Joe

Sugarfoot Pond

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i was jus countin' your heartbeats, Emmie and you know what? i think they's the same as mine!