Stories tagged humor

The Great San Francisco Poetry Wars, 18

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We all ran out of the house into the communal garden without fences. There stood Von Rotten with a smoking rifle in his hands, and our mascot Digger lying on his side, limp. We all looked at each other in disbelief.

Get a Hold of God, Will You?

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Get a Hold of God Get a hold of God, will you? I have seen a lot I saw a Great Dane licking the dew off an orange bird of paradise Get a hold of God and tell him that Get a hold of God and give him a piece of my m

Kumquat Soda

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Pam spied her ex-husband, Steve, at a Whole Foods market. He was buying red organic grapes, seedless grapes, the type of grapes that babies choke on.

The Caveman Attends the Symphony Without His Club

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“Would you consider renewing for the next season?” “We’re not interested.” “Can I ask you why?” I considered my reply. I was thinking of mincing my words. The man on the other end of the line seemed, how should I put this, somewhat s

Waffle House Worker Survives Wild Ride on Car Hood

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After three teens took off without paying and he clung to the hood of their car He wasn’t trying to be a hero sandwich or otherwise but climbed onto the hood when they tried to run him over There was some question and dispute over th

The Naked Mountain

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Once upon a time, a young writer decided to leave his home in Iowa City, and seek wisdom in the East.

Monsieur, Monsieur, Nous Avon Pamplemousse!

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He came running out of his narrow little shop, Berthillon and chased me down the Ilse St. Louis street, saying, “Monsieur, Monsieur, nous avon pamplemousse! It’s ici, Monsieur. Your pamplemousse. They just come in this matin, morning and I’

High Stakes Transform Innocent World of Spelling Bees

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It's the final round of the third-grade spelling bee at Sacred Heart Elementary School in this small Midwestern town, and you could cut the tension in the school's gymnasium with a wooden ice cream spoon.

A Bum and his Shopping Cart, Giving Up his Ways

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A bum leaves his shopping cart in the middle of the intersection at 7th Ave and Perry St and walks away leaving everything behind Shopping cart gets hit by an onslaught of yellow taxis whizzing by The contents flying out into the hum

Iris of Our Eye

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Iris, take us back We’ll live in the corner like mice We’ll live with our suitcases tucked under our wings like termites Iris of our eye we want to move back to your apartment on the ground We promise not to leave or wander

My Commencement Speech

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To The Graduates Of The Class Of 2010: You are here today at a critical crossroads of your life. For most of your 22 years you’ve been taught to work hard, obey the rules, listen with respect to your elders and to trust that every effort you make wil

Man Wolfing Banana In His Car

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Man wolfing banana in his car as an Asian girl walks by with bare shoulders showing cleavage his head following her until it’s twisted 180 degrees then he opens a container of juice, does 3 quick Hail Marys signs of the cross w

Poet Found Living Near Berkeley!

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Reports have been spreading fast that an actual living poet has been found right outside the borders of Berkeley Rumors grew into a wildfire of speculation Saturday night when one of them a tall graying older specimen more or less in the

Food Porn

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Panini stood around the pan like an audience at Madam Butterfly, applauding but jalapeno with envy...

My Worst Nightmare

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