Poet Found Living Near Berkeley!

by Jerry Ratch


Reports have been spreading fast

that an actual living poet

has been found right outside the

borders of Berkeley


Rumors grew into a wildfire of speculation

Saturday night when one of them

a tall graying older specimen

more or less in the shape of Bigfoot


was seen hanging out trying to write

you got it, a POEM,

inside a café just over the border

on College Avenue


but apparently he was

having difficulty and began

hanging his head and weeping

after first wringing his hands


and letting out an exhaustive sigh

then slamming the fledgling young

upstart poem around on the café

table more than once


but it was no use. After that

an emergency vehicle was dispatched

but the poem was stillborn

and he left it crumpled up at the café


and fled limping in a typical

hang-dog, Bigfooted way

back to his lair, rumored to be

somewhere in the Rockridge area


Anyone sighting a poet again

in the area is encouraged

under penalty of law to report

the sighting to the proper authorities


Thank God for public input

into this kind of nuisance

We must all remain ever vigilant

if we are to wipe out his kind


and be safe inside our homes

and have children we can

depend on to become the economic

slaves of our future