by Jerry Ratch
When you take her grocery shopping
take a list and make her stick to it
as she forgets and duplicates a lot
She is also very generous
and will insist on buying you something
I think she cannot live without fresh flowers
or plants that are blooming. She loves a garden
and has no seasonal sense
About privacy — set limits right away
or you won't pass your exams
You may have to remind her daily for awhile
Fortunately her bedtime is around 7 p.m.
When she visits in the early a.m. I send her home
but then often find her crying
With a little supervision she can make her own coffee
She needs a small fridge to store OJ, milk, ice cream, diet Coke and fruit
especially grapefruit and tomatoes
She loves cookies, candy and bear-claws
and munches a lot
I figure nutrition is not her problem
Her meals consist of one generous tablespoon
of three or four items, especially tomatoes peeled
and cut small, and peeled cucumbers
If she doesn't have a sliver of some meat at noon
she “hasn't eaten”
Thank God she loves baked potatoes
She will also eat Marie Callender's pot pies
She'll split half with you
Supper she will eat what you do, only small portions
She eats more if she eats with someone
Tapioca pudding and chocolate pudding
watermelon, and cantaloupe are favorite desserts
and if she eats ice cream
she likes a bit of coffee to warm up
Make some excuse, but don't let her loose in your kitchen
She will act furious if you offer to do something for her
She can help chop, or setting table
and at night I sit her down to a glass of wine
that I buy in a big box — White Zin
She occasionally likes a Budweiser
Left alone, she forgets to eat
clean up after herself, change clothes, loses her shoes
and forgets who you are and where she is
She's a loving 4-year-old, and you must say NO and mean it
no mater how much age difference there is
If she says she is lonely, she's probably bored
She likes picture magazines and short, light books
and peruses catalogs. She likes short drives
and will wait in the car if it's not too hot
Wal-Mart is fine if you give her a sundae
and tell her to stay in the food section. Also Costco
She will never nap lying down
but all the time sitting up
Put a thick towel on the seat
She is safe with knives and is very careful of steps
if she has nothing in her hands
Both hands should be used for balance
Also getting in and out of cars
she must have her hands empty as her right knee
hurts with bending or bearing weight
She has a cane and should be encouraged to use it
I have her trained not to carry her purse in the store
it's too heavy and cumbersome
If she falls, she falls —
you are not God
and she has lived her life
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from a letter by my mother's caregiver near the end of her life
this is touching and told with warmth. it is VERY spot on. my m-i-l, 91 lives with us and save a few of the preferences, this piece could be describing her. this really and truly is an homage.care giving is noble and often little respected in our society..this is an emotional and enveloping insight. a gem i think.
Oh boy. This one is both humorous and excruciatingly painful to read.
Well done.
That's real moving, Jerry. Real thoughtful. Glad I read it.
(And as you know, those last lines are killer...)
You said it. Great piece. Last lines put a lump in my throat.
Thank you all!
Jerry
Well-felt homage, this. Great ending.
very well said. the specifics are so very real.
This is crisp and also very moving, of course, and additionally poignant for anyone who's spent time caregiving. The tenderness and firmness of the instructions, the placement of details, and the cumulative effect of detail seem to move this from homage to an act of love.
So much of this makes me smile: White Zin in a box, 'she eats more if she eats with someone', sundaes at Walmart, and all the other persnicketies of older age. Lovely.
Let me count the ways in which I love this. Real and honest, and a beautiful tribute. As Stephanie said, anyone who has experience with care-taking or an elderly loved-one, could not help but be moved by it. And of course the end, pitch-perfect.
Right up close alongside the
necessary remove leaves the reader in a place of dignity. Graceful and, yes, lovingly told.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Jerry, I read this first at Like Birds Lit and it left a great impression on me. *
This is beautifully written and observed, as well as full of tenderness and understanding. Star.
My mother is 90 next month. This reminds me of her quirks. The feeling expressed here encourage me to be more patient with her. Thanks for writing it.
Thank you, Albert!
Terrific, real. Fav!
This is such a beautiful piece. You say EVERYTHING--very moving, painful, beautiful, sad, true...thank you for writing it. fave.
Thanks once again, Bobbi!
this piece hits home in its simplicity and truth.
thank you for posting!
Rings in truth and beauty. Loved the lines; "I think she cannot live without fresh flowers or plants that are blooming. She loves a garden and has no seasonal sense. About privacy set boundaries right away."
cried all the way through it.
Thanks again, Tantra!
Jerry,
I'm blown away by this. It's such a deep resounding way of writing without any pandering whatsoever. Really beautiful and strong. I'll use this as an example when I wanna stop telling cute jokes and when I wanna write like I'm fighting in a heavyweight title match.
Thank you so much, Bud! Appreciated!
My father is in this boat. Thanks for writing about it. Great piece.
Thank you!
"If she falls she falls." *
So simply told and powerful, especially the ending.
Nicely done.
Thanks, Roz!