Waffle House Worker Survives Wild Ride on Car Hood

by Jerry Ratch


After three teens took off without paying

and he clung to the hood of their car


He wasn't trying to be a hero

sandwich or otherwise

but climbed onto the hood when they

tried to run him over


There was some question and dispute

over the quality of the waffle

the teens had just ingested

and, obviously, there was no tip


Also, the syrup, it turns out,

was kind of pale

But maybe the bright lights,

the usual Saturday night frustration

of three teens with no dates

or the simple frustration

of never getting laid


Well, the Waffle House worker

was just incensed

and decided he would be their

hood ornament

and the three teens, you know,

just floored it to get the big

soda jerk off their hood


also, there'd been a wild outbreak of

acne around the Waffle House

possibly from all the sugar


For five minutes the Waffle House worker

clung to their hood

while the car reached speeds of 60 mph

as he fished his cell phone

from his pocket

and dialed 911


The police thought this was

one of those regular Saturday night

crank calls

they'd typically get on any weekend

the usual teenage angst, hysteria, etc

not even close to Reality

around Murfreesboro TN


And it turns out the entire scenario

was seen heading east

to New York City, directly

into the heart of the 1950's

with James Dean sideburns

and cigarettes hanging from their lips


where they ended up in another

Philip Guston painting hanging

on the wall at the Museum of Modern Art

where they were overheard shouting out