Call Me Naked

by Jerry Schatz

Archeologists are today celebrating the news that the tomb of a hitherto unknown pharaoh has been discovered near Giza in the country of Egypt. Found in a crypt was the mummy of the ruler, who was either 35- or 3500-years-old, depending on how you're counting. Scientists report that the pharaoh, UgoyrwyI'llgomyn, practiced aromatherapy and licentiousness, in no particular order.

He ascended to the throne after murdering everyone in his father's and mother's families. The high priest in charge of selecting pharaohs was reported to have said, "Everyone is dead. Who else am I going to pick? Besides, he smells nice."

UgoyrwyI'llgomyn reigned for one week plus Labor Day weekend. He was stabbed, run over by a chariot, forcibly drowned in the Nile, poisoned, and bitten by an asp. None of those things did him in. He died from hearing a really bad joke.

Historians are hard at work trying to find some record of the gag that killed the pharaoh.

“Thus far we've been unable to find any hard evidence for what the joke actually was,” said Kingston Bickle, chief archeologist at the site, “but it must have been a real stinker.”

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We'll continue to report the news of this exciting development as it becomes available. To follow the story, visit our website 24-7, and simply type in the keyword "UgoyrwyI'llgomyn."

Stash Mordant here, reporting for COMBO Media News.