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Thirteen Random Things I Learned About Jon Stewart From "Angry Optimist: The Life and Times of Jon Stewart."

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Jon Stewart factoids!

Bow Ties & Brooklyn Dressing

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collars of obedience / discarded in the pyre / with draft cards and bras

Illustrated Comments on the Apophatapataphysical Metrics of Cosmic Humor

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(the vast preponderance of dark matter and dark energy discernible in these latter days begins to suggest just how dark the humor of existence is) . . .

For My F-Fellow St-Stutterers

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Funny, funny stuff. She'll be here all week--be sure and tip your speech therapist!

Lost

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I can't find my way back to the library. I've heard of this happening, that if you leave even for just one day and for a very good reason, as good a reason as mine, you may not find your way back. Now why should this be so? I do not understand this library. It houses…

The Shreds of Flame

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For years I watched behind the glass While merry parties purpled past But now the world’s a Solemn Mass And I can only think.

Two poems

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I cut myself. Often. The bloodslice like thin lips parted/in prayer. life’s color drained to ashen/as the old world spins, pirouettes/like a circus dog on the back/of a galloping horse.

Protection

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You're a good dog, she whispered to him, a good brave dog. Her face was tight with soap.

Walking

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Who are not here.

check-out at the super saver center

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There is truth you can’t escape or say any other way and expect it still to be truth.

Living Alone

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This morning as I stepped out of the shower I was hit with a panicked fit in which it became urgent that I rid my flesh of each drop of water that burdened it. Not quite like the feeling of being…

left handed

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under your skin the moon is alive

Moi et Stendhal's Lust for Women's Eyebrows

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“Oh yeah?" I said to Stendhal. "I found six references to women's eyebrows in Travels in the South of France. That's all you think about!”

Howie Mandel

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We love the sparkling, speckless, spotless, spic-n-span, sanitary.

From a Street-Lit Dark Room

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Whenever trees or limbs fell in isolate forests—well, no narrators were ever to be found, not even beneath the larger tree trunks or under the fallen limbs.

Mount Baldy

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The most beautiful possible thing is to deprive all places of their meanings.

Things to Do while Waiting for the Toaster

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For you have waited. And waited and waited. And soon your slice of bread will be ready.

How dare you?

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She took a deep breath. Last night, she said, Who was the woman?

Goddess

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“So, do you still think I'm hot? I mean, do you think men still find me attractive?” Jenny asks. This is never a good question to answer, much less entertain. I know this as surely as I know anything. Still, let's break it down. I am married. Jenny is…

fake letters in reply

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I did do one nice thing for you

Not by Choice but Circumstance

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With small and fleshy hands/ I scratch at enigmatic stones,

Hellgate

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Either it was rescue--if the customer was alive to be found--or recovery, the term for bringing out the dead.

One Nil

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Each step you take on the pitchEach mile driven downEach closed exit of highway Blocked avenues of importanceBoarded up HammeredNailed shutPeople and places and things You can't get to anymoreThe knife and the needle The black and the…

Three Short Poems

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no more trying to keep / the peace, no more trying / to keep every person happy. / Just this: no more.

Assiduity Seventeen

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In the darkness, as I awaken, an orange glowing 3:45 greets me . . .

Strawberries

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The strawberries remind me of you,Fat and fleshy,Pimple-dimpled.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Coffee-Stained Fangs (excerpt)

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I’m not dog-like in any sexy manner, like a Wolf Man who kills livestock and lurks in the shadows on the outer fringes of society, mouth bloodied at the tips, and waking up as a fully functioning human naked in some field. Instead, I lurk among rows of cu

Ah, You’re Funny. Good Thing

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I was talking to this famous female artist at the reception, (as if I knew anything,) “If you want to be taken as a serious artist now, you have to have one long serious eyebrow.” There was no reaction. So, I said: “Also, you should kn

Epiphenomenal Glider

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Hissing through the opening, the spirits have no place.

Emotion is a Weather in a Basket of Clouds

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If you can imagine a ghost taking a shower then you can imagine the kind of emotion I have in mind.