Things to Do while Waiting for the Toaster

by John Olson

Get a PhD in electrical engineering. Build a giant boat and fill it with all the living organisms of planet earth. Perform surgery on a nebulous description of maple syrup. Become a semantic irritant crouching in a syllogism with 32 flavors of ice cream. Go boldly where no man or woman has gone before. Sew a patch of consciousness into a kimono. Fill a kneecap with the luster of association. Raise a family of wildebeests. Visit Paris. Impose yourself on the tapestry of experience. Learn Japanese and Spanish in your spare time and make big money writing poetry. Solve the Grand Unified Theory. Take a stroll in the Grunewald Forest. Peruse the Bahaus Museum. Dance until dawn. Tour the floating islands of Lake Titicaca. Sandboard the giant sand dunes in Huacachina. Seek enlightenment at Kinkakuji Zen Buddhist Temple. When you return home your toast will nearly be ready. Get your butter knife. Work a slice of butter onto your knife. The toaster is not yet done but the time is coming. Conjure the Froth King. Prepare yourself for the great adventure of a piece of bread emerging for the bowels of an electric toaster. For you have waited. And waited and waited. And soon your slice of bread will be ready. Will emerge from the toaster in a perfect shade of brown. Ready to be slathered with butter and jam. Ready to be eaten. Ready to become a motif in the theme of your mouth.