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How To Write Funny

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I've never really been impressed with authors that write long teary-eyed novels about people dying of terrible diseases or uplifting stories about the armless boy who made the wrestling team.

Parts

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IT's like, 15 words. Do you really need a snippet?

Justice

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“Too dumb to live,” my wife said when cretins on a motorbike blasted around us nearly taking a side mirror with them.

Police Mistakenly Release Murderer: An Analysis

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He has no plan, he needs a plan, he has no plan, he needs a plan -- the two thoughts bounce around inside his skull like racquet balls.

The Work of Constant Rising

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When did the air become warning?That clairvoyant delft and Delphic sky.What strange and ardent premonitionheld sway? Where were we goingbefore this hard work of constant falling?We were catching cabs and making breakfast,ironing, cursing late trains; hoping the deal…

Mnemonics

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I write to make visible my small/ assertions against impermanence.

Parting Gifts

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His hair was well groomed. The skin was radiant like apples tossed at the moon. The gym membership was well used, as the weight issue was easily cast into an abyss of loaded memories.

Anhedonia (excerpt 2)

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Crazy. I really hate when people use that word.

Submission guidelines

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Somewhere in her the name triggers/ a grainy chain of Cheech & Chong

Road Trip

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I threw my hand / at the gearshift/ the car glided off.

World Trade Center

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I can feel the souls of those who perished here They’re still here like old kites hanging in the sky tattered, but they won’t come down or can’t come down just yet because they haven’t fulfilled their unborn promises t

laundry

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She’d once read the Time-Life Encyclopedia on The Universe and became obsessed with the woman from Alabama who was singled out, by a rock from a far place, in her sleep.

The Last Bailout

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In desperation, the city council imported a shaman to exorcise whatever demons had possessed the house.

Decomposition

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She can never say why, but guilt rides her bones like the spirit. She rubs worry raw.

X Marks the Spot

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I was an only child....

Ambitious

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Why do men become explorers? he asked. Because they want to cannibalize the unknown; to leave the chemicals, the furniture (and, yes, the shrew) behind; to make their way hi ho into the brush, whose weeds and lianas remain empty of the exhortations of Jesus Christ, whose…

'My Mother Was My Sister' — Rejection Letter to a Young Writer (Memoir)

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When I was 10 or 11, some people thought that my father was my grandfather, that my brother was my father, and that my mother was my sister!

Marjan’s Tooth

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When my feet touched the ground on the tarmac at Bagram I cannot begin to describe the feeling I had. It was as if God had spoken to me directly, whispering in the cold mountain air: “Son of Marjan, I welcome you.” The feeling took hold and overcame m

It Ain't Berklee College Of Music

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“You know who Neil Peart looks like?” Gram said, ignoring Aaron's outburst.

The Longfellow Bridge Diaries: Part 1

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I dared to dream whether she was coming or was she going

Mermaid

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While the other kids blew bubbles, Maddy clung to my neck. She didn't cry or scream, and she held on loosely, not with the death grip some kids have. For five Wednesday afternoons, Maddy wrapped her pudgy arms over my shoulders and rested her bottom on m

John & Jackie

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By the time I learned how much I loved my family, I was 3 years and eight-hundred miles away from them

Norm Never Says

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He was supposed to be a garden gnome. Give pause to the squirrels, keep an eye on the impatiums. We found him at Wegman’s. He looked hopeful and observant.

In the Path of Mary

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She walks ahead, dropping matches as she goes. Grassland is consumed by flames and when I arrive all is wasted.

Anise Fish and Colin behind the glass

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“What is the sickness that you have?” Colin behind the glass wondered. “Too much world,” said Anise Fish. “We have that in common.”

GOING NOWHERE

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you may meet the man of your dreams.

The Underwater Afterlife of Memory

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My fingers are shining in the underwater afterlife of memory searching for the nipple-sized mollusks searching for the solid nature of things left over from having lived a life at all That new rain smell, specifically I remember that,

Finder Girl

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We fold it end over end, meeting in the middle where she takes it, and I let go...

The Blue Whale

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The blue whale in the bathtub weighed one hundred tons and wore a grin like the Cheshire cat on steroids. Her smile stretched from wall to wall. Her blowhole scraped the ceiling. Sam never learned how she crammed her tail down into the drainpipe,…

Not Lao-tzu's Magna Carta, xxxviii - xlv

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what is raised up must rest on its foundation.