Most read stories

Things I saw before and after I broke into my neighbour's apartment

19331933 views22 comments00 favs

Before Plasma screen TV Futon Underwear (brief style) piled on kitchen chair Unopened mail from funeral parlour Water in the sink coloured orange with grease Desktop computer (flying toasters screen saver) Cigarette butts floating…

Magnum Opus

19331933 views44 comments33 favs

The scaffolding had been difficult to construct. The rock floor of the bluff offered no purchase, so he'd been forced to anchor braces to the trees behind, then span some thirty feet. A cantilevered gallows reached another fifteen feet past the stage...

Unveiling Kirkiss Automated Amazon Reviews!!!

19331933 views2020 comments1212 favs

No! No! Nonononono!

First the Newborn Birds on High and Then the Awful Climbing Beasts

19331933 views1212 comments88 favs

"Stop watching the news!Because the news contrives to frighten youTo make you feel small and aloneTo make you feel that your mind isn't your own"--MorrisseyThe world has gone crazy, but please let me make you One of my healing songs. You can eat it now, if you…

Weary

19331933 views11 comment00 favs

At this time of night, the fluorescence makes his eyes bleed. The muscles in his legs are tight; walking's more of a necessity than anything else. Alexander pushes the shopping cart down the endless gray tile floors of the Grand Union on 35.

The Case for Mashed Potatoes

19331933 views44 comments11 fav

Steam rolls out of the bathroom as Mr. Larson opens the door with a white towel around his waist. Pepper strolls up to him and purrs as she rubs her long, gray tail against his tanned legs."Hey, girl.” He runs his coarse, scarred fingers through the cat's soft coat.…

Pterodactyls

19331933 views1111 comments88 favs

In his head he thinks oh whatever when I wake this time I shall have a very fine discussion with Someone special, oh but finding meaning in anything nowadays that's Just too much rich flattery, isn't it, filthy mirror? Inside His head's…

Stumptown Mary

19331933 views22 comments11 fav

so one time the Holy Ghost come down to Stumptown

True Vocation

19331933 views11 comment11 fav

After lunch it's vocal coaching: shrieking, screaming, crying Oh-my-God!-Oh-my-God!-Oh-my-God!, panting and face fanning. Next it's ‘situational training', where we pretend to be audience members on real talk shows and practice everything we've learned th

The Big Game

19331933 views33 comments55 favs

The vampire donated floodlights so the children could play ballgames at night. The lights came on but the dugouts remained vacant. The vampire sat alone in the bleachers. “Sometimes I am less than the sum of my parts,” he said to the sum of his parts.

Albatross Antics

19321932 views00 comments00 favs

Track One Johnny Burkemeister, lead vocals and flutist of the band Albatross Antics, sits on his bed thinking in silence. His elbow rests on his knee, and his palm on his forehead with his fingers running through his dirty-blonde hair. He is staring at a copy of Paste…

A Dispatch from an Enivironmental Lawyer Who is Trying to Grow a Mustache

19321932 views11 comment11 fav

Angelina Jolie, seducer of Brad Pitt, tattooed mother of rescued orphans, and the unlikely daughter of Jon Voight who broke Billy Bob Thornton's heart, is only two blocks from me, in a travel trailer on Seventh Street, gently rousing herself from sleep.

Antigone Détente

19321932 views1717 comments1414 favs

Tan my hide. Feed me to rabid / macaques.

Letters from the Asylum (3)

19321932 views22 comments11 fav

She stepped into a pair of high heeled slippers and began to dance. She was Salome, a witch, dancing like the most beautiful, the most skilled whores of Paris.

Casting It

19321932 views1010 comments55 favs

Truth came out of it, a little bug that hovered there...

A Girl / An Elderly Woman / A Bear

19321932 views88 comments44 favs

A girl waiting at the door, heart in a Ziploc. An elderly woman stopping at the bank. A bear in a screaming contest with a troop of girl scouts.

The Laughing Grave

19321932 views1010 comments77 favs

Newhouse returned his gaze to his wet palm, which he lifted to his nose with suspicion, sniffed again and again, then struggled to move out from under the growing stream.

Cherry Stem

19321932 views55 comments55 favs

He moved his rotten breath closer to my mouth, like he wanted to twirl his tongue around just to see how it felt.

I will be your girlfriend, Sam Pink

19321932 views11 comment00 favs

I don't really know, though. I've been locked in a beer cave for the last ten years of my life. I was just let out by some frat boys who were looking for Natty Light.

The Birth of Girma Dali

19311931 views11 comment11 fav

Amid the swerve and pulse of hungry bodies Girma Dali picks his spot, a tissue-wide patch of net where's he going to strike. A green-jerseyed defender closes in on him his brute momentum unleashed like a kamikaze pilot swooping into enemy orbit, his lunging body makes…

As Pleat

19311931 views1010 comments66 favs

I turn up the music and slip into drone, rock it like a tunnel in canary. When that does not erase his face, I cup my breast with one hand and let my hair fall.

The Fugitive Waits

19311931 views00 comments00 favs

The wind rushed by her and she heard the faint sound of barking. And then she knew why she was coming. And she ran.

toupee

19311931 views11 comment00 favs

It wasn't until about 2:30 that my hairpiece began mauling small children.

The Whippy Guy

19311931 views11 comment00 favs

He was the tall, whippy type. Dangerous.

five discards or less

19311931 views66 comments55 favs

weep or go stark mad your amanuensic fool will bury your words

Dick Be Gone

19311931 views33 comments22 favs

One thing about being a musician—more specifically a drummer—struggling against the cost of living—more specifically the cost of living in the Bay Area—is that I will do just about anything to earn money.

The Atlantic

19311931 views2020 comments88 favs

Phoebe-Lou Adams wrote this of them

The Chicken In A Can Incident: A Cautionary Christmas Tale

19311931 views33 comments33 favs

Don't feed it to the dog, it has bones, it is a whole goddamn chicken in a can, and I can't stress that enough. Besides one year you gave me a toilet seat for Christmas. I couldn't even eat that Ky

Girl Friends

19311931 views00 comments00 favs

Two women grab a table near a window in a coffee shop. Outside, the sky is the color of dulled aluminum. It is early spring and pollen assaults the air with a tint of sulfur.

Folded Up

19301930 views1010 comments88 favs

Time to pull in the shining teeth, but it makes me so sad, you know I'd rather be holding hands. The others have told me, don't hold back, hit them with every white knuckle, and let them bleed out, I'd rather be kissing your face. It hurts,…