Most recent stories

Some Indian

991991 views88 comments22 favs

We had been drinking.

The First Soliloquy of the Interior Zombie

17411741 views99 comments66 favs

But do come close enough for me to hear.

Across US Sullen Teens Dump Family for Olive Garden

13001300 views22 comments11 fav

"That zit on your forehead just won't go away, will it, sweetie?" she adds as she brushes her daughter's bangs downward.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

13051305 views77 comments55 favs

I was tired and lonesome when I checked into another insufferable, shop-worn Holiday Inn. It was the only motel around with the internet — dial up only — in that little jerkwater town, Notmuch, Alabama. It was too late for a nap, so I jumped in the shower,…

My Smelly Valentine

14331433 views33 comments22 favs

He asked me if I was going to buy Valentine's for the office this year, and I shook my head. We were in the dollar store, February 13, and I could get a box of twenty kids' Valentines with last year's favourite cartoon…

I, Betty Crocker

12201220 views22 comments11 fav

I was born at the age of 42. Some of you might regard that as a handicap, but at the time I assumed everyone was born fully grown in a corporate test kitchen. In fact, I still think of it as an advantage; like being born with a silver spoon in my hand.

Rattlesnake Pancakes

20122012 views2424 comments2020 favs

I don't usually take bets, / but I took this one.

Hotel Khadijah

20862086 views2727 comments1616 favs

"A prostitute of the Hotel Khadijah in Rahab fell in love with my father...."

Condos Dumping Lawyers for Paramilitary Death Squads

11201120 views00 comments00 favs

“Honorable condominium association members,” the leader begins. “I apologize for not having a PowerPoint slide show tonight, but me and my muchachos travel light.”

How To Find Yourself (or a reasonable facsimile)

19701970 views33 comments00 favs

While I had believed that the subject had been exhausted, that the bottomless pit of the individual navel gazer had been done to death, now here arrives How To Find Yourself to show that previous literature had only scratched the surface of the belly butt

Mating for Life

11961196 views88 comments55 favs

Mari thinks that's all fine and fucking dandy.

Speak

11511151 views00 comments00 favs

She can still be normal, says Momma, knowing my sister can’t hear, forgetting I can.

Infinite Penis

16871687 views44 comments22 favs

He finds a beach ball and recreates humanity upon it. Kicking it down the shore he wonders how the little people must feel about each other. To place them on such a tiny globe almost seems unfair.

Our Valentine's Day Special (From The Law Offices of Paul Steven Stone)

10981098 views55 comments22 favs

This year, instead of giving roses or candy for Valentine's Day, why not give something your spouse will never forget. A brand new divorce!

February 2012 Denver, COLORADO

12861286 views22 comments11 fav

"You don't need the gun," Dean said. "Bring me a bottle of peroxide and some duct tape."

Spices

10131013 views22 comments11 fav

In the tang of winter warm and summer cool,

The Fat Man's Third Wife

15721572 views99 comments77 favs

They say it was like an elephant married to a dove. Imagine, me, a dove! Ridículo!

Stumbling Grace

988988 views88 comments22 favs

I'm not sure if my heart is breaking Or attacking Like an aged lovesick romantic with a faulty beat, I sense a valve needs replacing But only after the main artery has been sutured and made whole By a seasoned and skilled Midwest surgeon in a…

Life Before Kant

21102110 views5252 comments2222 favs

I doused back three Buds in the time it took him to detest a variety of subjects including the naivety of quantum physics and pregnant women.

The Burglar's Golden Rule

739739 views55 comments33 favs

Undies before jewelry!

Yakkety-Yak

15851585 views33 comments33 favs

Last night, the station played me a dream of sexual promiscuity that included -- but was not limited to -- imaginative acts involving....

Dairy Queen Lust

17711771 views00 comments00 favs

I, personally, just had no interest in having some pimply-faced moron stick his tongue down my throat.

WWJRD

20032003 views88 comments77 favs

On a visit, Jesus sees bracelets with WWJD. What does that mean? he asks. What Would Jesus Do? they respond. I wouldn’t wear that, he says.

Decomposition

15141514 views1010 comments77 favs

She can never say why, but guilt rides her bones like the spirit. She rubs worry raw.

Valentine query

10271027 views11 comment11 fav

Did I flirt first?

Bait Shop

12621262 views1111 comments1010 favs

They wanted to go fresh water fishing, so I had to buy worms. None there in the saltwater town. Drove about 10 miles over the long bridge to cross the bay. I'd been there before. Walked in and a crusty, little skinny man got up from his chair. He: Watcha need? Me: Fresh…

Somewhere

18361836 views1414 comments1212 favs

...but still, when she whispers that going out now might put her in the mood later he unties from his mooring and sets them both drifting toward the gin-splintered latitudes

Stop Sign

10721072 views00 comments00 favs

Made sense then, should have written it down - But I fell back to sleep instead

Man on the Moon

11481148 views22 comments33 favs

I even listen to the Ugly Kid Joe version. I fall asleep perplexed and disheartened.

With Ann Coulter on the Jewish Conversion Tour

17841784 views22 comments22 favs

A little bony for my tastes–I wonder if she’s on the Lady Di diet. I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers, but it would be like sleeping with Eva Braun.