He gambles even though he always loses and drinks even though alcohol makes his legs cramp. He has a much younger wife who doesn't care about him anymore. And he knows it. But still…but still when she whispers that going out now might put her in the mood later he unties from his mooring and sets them both drifting toward the gin-splintered latitudes. He watches her teeter across the suite toward the bedroom and envisions sunrise sex against a window that overlooks the city. But he knows the intimacy will not last, that their mutual orgasms or losses of interest will begin his slide back to being an old and outgrown thing. He lights a cigarette. This game is different than he had imagined. He blows smoke off the balcony. This game is already over.
They find themselves outside the hotel in the cold and rain waiting to be taken to a Somewhere. She is elegantly shattered and giddy. He looks for a taxi to emerge from inside concentric smears of streetlights. So occupied with themselves are they that when a cab pulls over to pick up an elderly gentleman leaning on a cane in front of them, they do not hesitate to take it. An elderly gentleman is no match for his daydreams of desire and her boozy insouciance. Soon the light that made him visible at all is moving away, caught in the constellation of her gems.
As they pull off the back compartment fills with the choral music that streams from the driver's cassette player. Her face momentarily disappears through the hole cut into the plexiglass then she falls back against the seat. She leans her head against his shoulder and closes her eyes. He focuses on the singing. It seems familiar, a segment of the past he cannot locate. He looks through networks of refractions on the window toward the canyons of light. He wonders where they are going. It doesn't really matter.
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A variation on a little story I made using a list of words suggested by Meg Pokrass. I got kind of interested in these people. But it doesn't use all the words from the list. I didn't set out to make a seasonal thing, btw. But there we are. Enjoy.
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The first section was all I needed. It remained in my mind even as I read (distractedly) through the subsequent two.
Wonderful * I've been away too long...
I'm utterly floored. Such power in the language, surging the story towards danger through gnashing teeth.
Emphatic *
this is excellent writing.
Agree with Carol about the first paragraph being whole. Sad and astute writing, Stephen.*
Another vote for completeness at end of first.
I don't even know what to say. Except, "wonderful." *
thanks very much for the reads and lovely comments. i'm pleased that the piece seems to have an effect for you. thinking about the comments concerning the first paragraph being all that's necessary..i agree that it could stop there, but i'm kind of glad in this case that it doesn't.
such a sad read, but wonderfully written.
The voice works well for me, Stephen. I like. *
Love this, Stephen! "but still when she whispers that going out now might put her in the mood later he unties from his mooring and sets them both drifting toward the gin-splintered latitudes." Really nice! ****
This is sad, yes, but so eloquent, too, and I loved it. And for all it matters, I like it in it's entirety.
Fave.
thanks very much for the reads, lovely comments & faves. i'm pleased that the piece works for you, and in particular that so many have pointed to the voice.
rv-->i had decided that i think the whole has to be as it is, that even as the dynamic is in the opening.
"he unties from his mooring and sets them both drifting toward the gin-splintered latitudes. " With lines like this, what more can you say afterwards? Great stuff! *