This year, instead of giving roses or candy for Valentine's Day, why not give something your spouse will never forget.
A brand new divorce!
Yes, with a Valentine's Day Divorce from the Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone, you'll not only get rid of that irritating slob you married when you were too young to know better, but you'll also save 25% on all legal fees, hourly billings and trumped up add-ons.
Yes, for a limited time we've discounted fees on our entire line-up of Paul Steven Stone divorce attorneys. So, you'll never have to worry about being screwed by your attorney at the same time you're putting the screws to your life's companion.
Tired of sinks full of dirty dishes, arguments over your favorite TV shows, incessant sexual demands and highly forgettable sexual performances? Had enough of those unsightly body parts and unpleasant smells? Spent enough nights kept awake by marching band-level snoring bouts? If any of this sounds vaguely familiar, don't wait another minute to act.
Make this the year when you finally say "hasta la vista, baby" to that dull, unresponsive spouse who never really understood you anyway. And never liked your mother, for that matter.
Act now and we'll throw in, at no additional charge, your choice of a restraining order or contempt citation. Plus, we'll even give you, free of charge, the first round of subpoenas for your spouse's financial records and employment data.
At the Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone we never stop searching for new ways to serve your needs, protect your interests and expand our billable hours. So, if you're ready to remove that no-longer-lovable housemate with a few flicks of your dialing finger, stop what you're doing and call 1-888-BYE-DEAR.
Remember, with an offer this good there's no telling who'll be the first person in your house to take advantage of it.
Valentine's Day Divorces from the Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone. Only cupid could shoot a sharper arrow into your spouse's heart!
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What inspired me to write this story? A perverse sense of humor. An impish disposition. Who knows? This piece appeared in a newspaper column I used to write, and is dragged back to life in answer to Susan Tepper's invitation for me to join a Valentine's Day-inspired group. Susan, it's your fault!