Our Valentine's Day Special (From The Law Offices of Paul Steven Stone)
This year, instead of giving roses or candy for Valentine's Day, why not give something your spouse will never forget.
A brand new divorce!
Yes, with a Valentine's Day Divorce from the Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone, you'll not only get rid of that irritating slob you married when you were too young to know better, but you'll also save 25% on all legal fees, hourly billings and trumped up add-ons.
Yes, for a limited time we've discounted fees on our entire line-up of Paul Steven Stone divorce attorneys. So, you'll never have to worry about being screwed by your attorney at the same time you're putting the screws to your life's companion.
Tired of sinks full of dirty dishes, arguments over your favorite TV shows, incessant sexual demands and highly forgettable sexual performances? Had enough of those unsightly body parts and unpleasant smells? Spent enough nights kept awake by marching band-level snoring bouts? If any of this sounds vaguely familiar, don't wait another minute to act.
Make this the year when you finally say "hasta la vista, baby" to that dull, unresponsive spouse who never really understood you anyway. And never liked your mother, for that matter.
Act now and we'll throw in, at no additional charge, your choice of a restraining order or contempt citation. Plus, we'll even give you, free of charge, the first round of subpoenas for your spouse's financial records and employment data.
At the Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone we never stop searching for new ways to serve your needs, protect your interests and expand our billable hours. So, if you're ready to remove that no-longer-lovable housemate with a few flicks of your dialing finger, stop what you're doing and call 1-888-BYE-DEAR.
Remember, with an offer this good there's no telling who'll be the first person in your house to take advantage of it.
Valentine's Day Divorces from the Law Offices Of Paul Steven Stone. Only cupid could shoot a sharper arrow into your spouse's heart!
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Author's Note
What inspired me to write this story? A perverse sense of humor. An impish disposition. Who knows? This piece appeared in a newspaper column I used to write, and is dragged back to life in answer to Susan Tepper's invitation for me to join a Valentine's Day-inspired group. Susan, it's your fault!
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Valentine Day & Valentine Week 2012
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I will dial the number if your law office will also provide me with a large attack dog.
So funny!!! A dose of V-Day humor that is hard to resist!
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I'll take the free contempt citation.
This is just silly enough to be true.
Susan is a bit irresistable, isn't she? Glad she got you to post this. Love it.
Susan and Sally, many thanks for giving this piece of silly satire more attention and comment than it deserves. Are there any lawyers in the audience? If so, I might need a lawyer.
Dear Mr. Paul Steven Stone: My husband recently had me "served" with "papers." I believe I will need your undivided attention. There is the matter of a certain mobster... well.. you get the picture.
Dear Ms. Susan Tepper. There are divorces and there are divorces. The kind of divorces certain mobsters specialize in are beyond my menu of services offered. However, if you need a witness, or witness protection, in your divorce, see our special on witless witnesses. I believe we're offering three for the price of two this week only. Act quickly before they're all gone!