Most read stories

Winnie the Pooh and the Very Medicated Day

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One day, when Rabbit was taking his medications, Tigger bounced his carrots to smithereens and Rabbit had an idea. A wonderful, terrible idea.

3 Short Shorts

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When he tried to kiss her, she ran to the bathroom to throw up.

The I Hate to Fuck Book

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This book is for those who have learned that sex is one of life's unpleasant experiences--like paying taxes, or renewing a driver's license--that does not become less painful through repetition.

Sex Dungeon for Sale!

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Calm down, I wouldn’t classify this as a sex dungeon.

Obituary for a Poet Heretic

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He sat on a leather couch in the nude, blew smoke rings shaped like wild animals and picked verses out of the thick air.

Hitler's Mustache

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“Where do you want your mustache?” Melanie asked. “You can have it on the side, you know, or, if you prefer, across your labia, in which case it will also look like a cross?”

Adagio

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... must we turn again (and again)/ to an orchestra stripped of wind and drum?

~drug abuse prevention panties~

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She locked herself in the bathroom, turned on the tap and poured lavender Suave shampoo all over them and rinsed them till they no longer bled. She took off all her clothes and tried on a pair, turning in front of the mirror, thrusting her hips, pout

Everything is Fine

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        The first one was dark and angular, coiled-looking inside an expensive suit.  Over her food at a small table in the hotel bar, Francesca had been unable to look at anything else but him.  Out of the suit, unsprung on a king-sized hotel bed, his skin…

Slices

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It was one of the first things she did after they opened the wall. That’s at least what she told me years later, more than 1000 miles from Berlin.

When To Break Up With Your Gynecologist

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He asked what I used for birth control and I told him, “prayer”. He smiled the kind of smile you smile at young girls who don’t know any better.

Foreign Film

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They are watching a movie about a man who cheats on his wife, whom he loves, and is so disconsolate that his wife eventually loses all patience and leaves him. They are at the point in the film where the man considers his many blunders as he walks…

Jacques Derrida, 9/11, And The Democracy Which is Yet to Come

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The decision to wage war on terrorism gave to terrorism its political legitimation.

The Golden Moment

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I wait for the small gap of time where the note vibratos into nothingness...

Stalling

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My son, six, is practicing dying.

Grammaria

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With the sudden addition of a comma and a pronoun, the clause declared its independence.

Essay on Cranial Electrification and Empirical Clarification

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Although decades have passed since I last tasted lysergic acid with diethylamide flavoring, I cannot fail to remember the tasting.

A Day in the Life of a Supermodel Armpit Makeup Artist

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“Skip the obsequies,” he said. He meant “flattery” but he’d been taking a “30 Days to a More Powerful Vocabulary” course.

The Serious Writer Occupies Wall Street

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When thinking of the commotion surrounding Wall Street, the serious writer gets very upset.

Check Engine

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“How’s the Pinto running?” Sean says. It’s been awhile. Maybe Darcy won’t remember him.

The Fermi Panic

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Schrödinger's Cat twitched and nodded as he picked up the discards, casting his mind back to 2014, when local confidence seemed at its peak . . .

Potato Mash

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Foxes haunted her dreams. Islands full of foxes, truckloads of vixen.

How To Become a Great Writer

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My name is Tom Scarlatti and my kid brother, Billy, resents me. Of course, if you read magazines, you probably already know that. You probably don't think much of me, either. In fact, you probably think I'm a rotten no-good clod, since my brother Billy the famous…

Have You Seen This Girl ?

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And it struck me. You needed to be on the side of a milk carton. 2 percent of course.

1974, What I Wanted

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If there had been arranged marriage in eighth grade, the grade it used to be and still sometimes is when children left school to work in the fields, I would have hoped that my parents would have arranged for me to marry Mike.

Planet Crabby

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On Planet Crabby a boy met a girl and a girl met a boy but neither couple got anywhere because they dismissed their prospective partner as just plain too crabby. Alternative arrangements were unthinkable. This happened a number of times.

Furniture Fights

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It amazes me that with everything this woman has to be depressed about, what really gets her down is an inadequate lounge chair.

First Contact

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All through their descent sequence K’var had nervous premonitions.

An Open Letter To My Vagina

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Dear Vagina,You are my oldest and dearest friend. We have been through so much together, haven't we? I remember the first day I really got to know you. It was about eighteen years ago. I thought I was dying, but it turns out I wasn't. …

A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte

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A woman is fishing in the Seine at the far left of the painting, while time is suspended and light remains. One man plays a trumpet. A half dozen people sit or walk under parasols. Couples stroll and children run or sit or stand beside their par