An Open Letter To My Vagina

by Erin Zulkoski

Dear Vagina,

You are my oldest and dearest friend.  We have been through so much together, haven't we? 

I remember the first day I really got to know you.  It was about eighteen years ago.  I thought I was dying, but it turns out I wasn't.  Apparently, this was a "natural change that happens to a young girl's body when she reaches puberty."  Or at least that's what I got out of sex ed class...when I wasn't too busy giggling, that is. I was so scared to tell anyone, which is ridiculous thinking about it now.  I was afraid my older brother would make fun of me, as he had when I started wearing my first bra.

But, we got through that period (ha!) just fine, and if I may be so bold, it really bonded us.  A girl and her vagina--like Timmy and Lassie. Crockett and Tubbs. Simon and Garfunkel.

The next few years were insightful, as well.  Oh, the joys of maturing into our sexual being.  This time was difficult for me, being raised on religion and all.  To do "that" was considered a no-no in the eyes of the Lord.  I think God should look away, then. Turn a blind eye, so to speak. Try not to be omnipresent, G. It took us a while to really get to know each other, in that sense.  And get to know each other we did.  Some say TOO well, if you catch my drift.

Our early twenties were fun, the prospect of meeting new people, trying new things, etc. And then we met Him.  He was the end-all, be-all.  We were willing to give it all up for Him.  We wanted Him to be the only one for us, so we committed to Him.  I admit, dear Vagina, we were very pleased in the beginning.  The three of us doing things together, things we've only read or heard rumors about.  We were very happy with Him. 

Then, as all things do, it came to an end.  Now, Vagina, it's just us again, and here is where I must offer my deepest and most sincere apologies.  I've been neglecting you, mistreating you, ignoring you.  How can I be so cruel to you, Vagina?  You're always here for me, yet I haven't been there for you nearly enough, and for this, I am truly sorry.  Please know I'm trying to rectify this situation, Vagina. 

Until then, please be patient with me.  I'll try to pay more attention to you.  You and I are in this for the long haul, and I'd hate to see something like this come between old friends.

So until then, I will always be,
Faithfully yours