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Things I Should Have Done - #3

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Should I have shooed the cats from my bed? Shaken awake the silky tangle of feline true love curled at my feet? Shut their bedroom door against them? Perhaps, maybe, I don’t know.

Seal Skin

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I had told myself that I would not cry. That I would hold on to my anger so tightly, there would be no space for pity.

Cary Grant's Underpants

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Cary Grant wore women's panties. Not boxers, or even briefs. Panties. He said he wore them because they were more comfortable, according to “An Affair To Remember,“ a memoir written by one of his lovers. It gives you a whole new perspective on…

Walt's Frozen Head

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What if Walt Disney had himself turned into a cartoon?

Responsible

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This morning, she woke to the banshee: “Individuals must get up early and put in a full day’s work in this economy!”

Jesus, Borges, Jelly Roll

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It was Judge Fogarty who said “Thirty days in the market—take him away. Give him a good broom to sweep with—take him away.”

The Defective Detective : The Curious Case of the Kilchester Courier

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In which Clint is sucked into a remarkably civilised but mildly deranged crime scene. There he encounters almost-blackmail, not-actually prostitution, probable-sex scandals, genuine-imposters & the very real theft of something incredibly important. Twice.

Awash

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Nobody has been able to use the washer and dryer for over a month now. Our neighbors have gone laundry crazy. They've become suds-a-holics. They wash everything. If it isn't nailed down, they wash it. Outboard engines, peculiar feelings, dominatrix boots, metaphors,…

Whose Barney's Version is This, Anyway?

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Early reviews of Barney’s Version (the film) had prepared me for finding the book’s most amusing attributes – particularly its skewering of Quebec nationalist politics and Canadian cultural nationalism – left out. After all, turning a 417-page account of

This Story Isn't About You

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"This story isn’t about you, even if it seems as though it is."

Tonight I Am The Zipper

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It’s so hard to get to know people these days. Even the social ones wall you out with politeness. Like jackknives with pearl handles in a display case.

There are Grandmas and there is my Grandma.

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Last night Grandma got her walker stuck in the snow almost up to her tits. I feel the mark of a dutiful grandson is to come to her aid. And I always do. Even though she usually gets back home at 2 00 a.m. — or maybe 3 — sometimes she's late and we worry but I…

Songs of Innocence

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I heard the worm was interested in the fat robin’s song.

Baby Games

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The sky is orange and red. It’s getting dark out by the time Sophie goes inside to tell Mom. The colors of everything fade together and turn gray, even the grass and my pink bicycle.

Shoebox

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They lie down in the prairie grass and clutch each other, imagine dying under fat clouds.

My Children in Times New Roman

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This test should not be a riddle, it's a simple yes/no. The answer should settle curiosity with an image. One line or two, plus or minus. I say something like this, and the customer service rep asks me to hold.Thing is, I know the answer. I'm moody. My breasts feel like…

Black & White/ Color

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We had them in our bunk beds in the trailer, before Becky fell and broke her neck.

The High Line, New York City

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She doesn’t notice the small group of women in saris, emerald and garnet, sapphire and citrine, the cloth covered with mirrors glinting in the light. Or how they link plump brown arms, frightened or delighted by the attention, huddled close, bird-like ch

Sweet Sounds of Home

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Father makes sure the rum is safe, and still down, on his ass, he unscrews the top and takes a slug, and then a second one.

SONS OF ITALY

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I am a good liar

A Day in the Life of a Hip-Hop Grants Administrator

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The questions on the form are tough--the U.S. government isn't going to hand out money to just any old rapper hanging out on a corner. We want fresh 'n nasty stuff.

Descanso

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Lupe says stealing is bad whether it's from a Baptist or a Catholic.

Knot Eye

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The diagnosis was peculiar, the doctors agreed, / but so was the condition

Potato Head

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I weighted her so she would be suspended in the water. Sometimes late at night I would go down to the edge and listen to her bump against the filtration system. The sound she made was soft and low like a strange drum.

The Solid Table Fallacy

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‘Do you know that tables aren’t actually solid’ he said suddenly. ‘I mean there’s loads of space in the molecules that make up wood or whatever. The only reason we can’t push through them is because of the force.’ Nearby the Android called up his light

Monkey Love

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There's an orangutan riding an elephant that spots a hound dog.

You Have Something I Don't Have

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So, as the lines on my face grow more pronounced, the lines on my finger prints are fading away? All I can say is that it's a damn shame it's not the other way around.

First Husband

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"My, aren't you queery looking? She says.

CRITERIA

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“I’ve gotta take a break from this,” Hector said. “I’m not feeling inspired right now. I’ve added about a thousand words. Why don’t you look it over and put your changes in?” “I can do that,” said Martin. “Impressive! That brings us up to nearly sevent

pickup truck

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The first time we fucked my face was squashed between a seatbelt buckle and the right-side door.