by Kathy Fish
People huddle in their basements like kittens. People laugh, darkly, saying they'd rather be surfing. People wonder if their batteries are charged. People never do get what they want. People grow tired of the sad dog following them around. People want you to know how disappointed they are. People, on their worst days, consider a length of rope. People worry their minds are no longer sharp. People long to distinguish themselves. People think you're ugly, too. People recall the taste of ice cream. People will tell you they never saw this coming. People, thankfully, no longer hunger for cows. People yearn for structure. (Their obsessions: street maps, road atlases, the lines of longitude and latitude.) People learn the importance of precision. People discover untapped veins of kindness. People walk the rows of corn. People sometimes kill their noblest instincts. People are here to remind you, that's somebody's sister. People slow down, finally become old. They stand in their backyards, by the petunias, at a loss.
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Originally published in Sleepingfish.
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kathy:
i love this list. yet another gorgeous one. that last line kind of made my heart hurt.
you are flash queen. you should get a crown or something.
oh thank you, Lauren...a crown, now that would be nice
Yes, you should get a crown.
Haunting final image.
Your shorts do what I think shorts must do to work: they satisfy. I notice that I read them by the line, doing a reader's phrasing between marks of punctuation, and they always hold my attention. This piece is more "experimental" in a sense: it isn't a story-story, but it evokes story. It's interesting that you go against standard advice and adopt the generalization (about people) as the method to get these observations across.
Thanks, David.
Ann, you are such a close, smart reader. I really appreciate your comments.
Wow, this is really fantastic. This frustrated my tendency to find the best line in the piece; they're all surprising and funny and they can all be flipped over for another look.
thanks Adam!
Hey, I'm going to throw this out there, though i know you haven't asked for critique and we also don't know each other...
I think you'll get a better charge if you cut out all but one or two "people," and all the theys. The thing is they can be cut. These phrases do what they do w/out them, and repetition, intended or not, almost never stands the test of time. I'm not suggesting you haven't thought of this, you just don't want a reader thinking you haven't.
Oh, yeah, I did think of that. Somehow I liked the repetition. Not sure about "standing the test of time" but I just preferred it this way. The story has been published, but I will keep your idea for revision under consideration, John.
Great short!
Hey Marcelle, thanks!
I remember this one. It is so big and so small. The perspective makes me feel the way I feel looking out at the ocean.
Claudia, hi! Thanks for commenting...
Chills at the end.
thanks for reading, Katrina!
"People sometimes kill their noblest instincts."
This is such a noble piece.
Like Myfawny's work, I've come to realize that I read your work not with my eyes but with all of me.
Oh we have something in common then, Ethel. I read Myfanwy's stories the same way. And thanks so much, again!
I was woken up in the middle of the night with a thought, and I've learned to pay attention to such things...maybe "we" is what you want here?
Flattered that thoughts of my story would wake anyone from their slumber...changing to "we" is an interesting idea. Would very much change the tone here, I think. Thanks, John.
What an evocative first line - and from there, the rest is pure surprise. I love the swiftness of this one, it engages and makes us wonder and then bam, you stop us in our tracks with that haunting last line.
Thanks so much, Arlene!
oh! i have a lozenge sruck in my heart. that's what it feels like. to me.
thanks kindly, donna
Oh, my. It gave me goose bumps and that weepy feeling when the truth gets too close
Oh thank you so much for reading this one, Susan!
This is lovely. The entire thing just reads so honestly. You should consider submitting it to Like Birds Lit. We'd love to have it. :)
Thank you, Kaitlyn! This one has already been published in Sleepingfish, but thank you for the offer. I'll check out Like Birds Lit!