Most read stories

Slight of Hand

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Our ironies don’t make us happy

Darwin at the Zoo

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This year we have no need of spring!

'MY DICK IS SO HARD FOR JESUS!' by Christofascist Jones

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"Now, I'm not no Holocaust Denier . . . I just think it was a little bump in the road! Like Reagan said about Watergate . . . 'Mistakes were made,' and all. Well, shoot . . .…

Curiosity Killed the Cat

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rocker bogie system

The Polymath

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Now that I am dead, my god will fight your god...

Time Flies

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Time has wings. They are bright and beautiful, like those of a butterfly. They are delicate wings, and they carry the years away from my decaying mind. I would break those wings if I could, for tomorrow I turn seventy-three, and I grow weary of their ince

WAR STORY

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We shot out the windows of an abandoned building nearby so as to trick them into thinking we’d had snipers stationed in that building. They shot at the abandoned building.

Not real words about a not real place

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I'm going up and down elevators all over the Financial District and I have no office.

The Secret

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Of course then I did it all over again. Got married, that is. Fortunately, this one worked out.

WANT A JEW TO FALL FOR YOU? TRY THESE FUNNY PICK-UP LINES.

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KOSHER PORN is a new collection of funny pick-up lines just for Jews, written by humorist Sarah Rosen, and illustrated with photos by Tom Stokes. It's based on Rosen's popular dating blog, Porn4Jews. And it's hilarious. Rosen started her blog after a year and a…

Monkey House

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We walked into the light where tired elephants slung their trunks and big cats moved over hills. My head was swollen, the whole back of my skull throbbing and black.

Neither star nor killer

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I am fantasy

The Baby With Monster Truck Wheels

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Somebody needs to call Frank. The pediatrician who fixes cars on the side.

Our Closet

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I was enchanted with the suppleness and intensity of her movement and slowly edged to hide myself askew from the jam as not to disturb her.

The Dream Shop

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From nine at night until five in the morningthe mannequins staff the Dream Shop.Customers sleepwalk in and murmur their enquiries.Some of the patrons are very demanding.They queue outside before opening…

The Land Collector

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He liked owning acreage.

Cento (Christian Morals)

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Be not a Hercules furens abroad, and a Poltroon within thyself

Serving

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patience is....

The Metope Prophecy

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When his brown eyes met the lapis colored stones representing hers, she leaned forward from her exalted position and whispered to him, “Save me.”

Something Horrible Has Happened

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The smart drivers know the signs/ and the back street ways around the wreck.

last light

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whisper to me

Upstairs on Montague Street

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Benton showed her his old room, a shrine of old posters and records. But it had been cleaned out, made to look like a guest room. “Kiss me,” Benton said. “April.” “That was just a name, so don't get any…

Beelzebub

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The jewels were dragonflies, buzzing lazily, Beelzebub’s hair a golden meadow.

Bloody Vodka

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Broken glass attacks me

The Light After Equinox

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Soon enough, October’s ragged/ lawn will hide its deficiencies// under withered leaves of oak,

Wolves at the Door

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“Little Pig, Little Pig, Let me in.” One of them yelled out from behind the door. The wolves always loved to taunt him, itched for any chance they could get to fight.

Feb 8

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Call it a spell or a prayer or a ritual; it worked.

Effort

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For you – because you deserve more effort

Jagged Dog Story

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But I had learned from ingesting Roberto’s glitter-eyed fear, it could make you never close enough, and then, never far enough away. And both at the same time.

Personal Hell - I'm Not Scared, Just Disappointed

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Satan is a wide-eyed Pollyanna mime who communicates with a ventriloquist dummy that corrects my grammar, speaks in internet acronyms, tells me that I’d be a lot prettier if I just smiled more and lost fifteen pounds, and nags me about how all my problems