Alphabetical stories

My Life as a Part-Time Rapist, Full- Time Comedian

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The rapist was caught on December 23rd, the day before Christmas Eve. Everyone in town was surprised to learn he had a wife and two children; a son and a daughter, the same age, and a yellow Labrador retriever.

My Life As A Series Of Houses (1950-1968)

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There were three other guys on the bus. The landlord (or buslord) let us use the kitchen and bathroom in the house he shared with his wife. I rode into San José City College with the other guys, who were also taking classes there. I remember frigid autum

My Life As A Series Of Houses (1968-2012)

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One night just as I dozed off I was awakened by a circular saw going right next to my head. The coke dealer was working on his deck. His hair was biblically long and he wore a pair of goggles as he worked on his patio utterly oblivious to my presence just

My Life In Five Paragraphs

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The first punch sent me flying into a Christmas tree. The second put me on the floor on my hands and knees, blood dripping from my nose.

My Life in Prepositions

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Thanks to prepositions I can be on drugs, get into music, sway under the influence and rock around the clock. I can jump up and down, crawl into a sleeping bag, sleep under the stars, wander into dreams, and wake up feeling down. I can drink from a bottle, sit…

My Life on Discord

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I’m on Discord but I don’t know how to do anything.

My Literary Pockets

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I don’t know what to do with all this money flowing from my books. It’s burning a hole in my literary pocket.

My Love Affair With The Unknown Comic

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At least, I think it was him. It sure looked like him.

my love for you

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my love for you/ is like the falling snow

My Love For You Is Real

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Caroline smiles before reaching out to touch a shapeless shadow dancing on the wall, closing her eyes as the bumps in the primer serve brail to oncoming dreams.

My Lucky Tooth

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At that point he would leave and listen to the scientists as they debate as to why the moon has organs and why they are covered in a thick fat.

My Man Wears Cherry Pants

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My man wears chartreuse shoes.! He wears chartreuse shoes like a new king right there on Main St.!

My Memoirs, To the Best of My Knowledge

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This country needs a self-administered memoir veracity exam, like a home pregnancy test, that could weed out made-up memoirs before they hit the bookstores.

My Mind Says It Wants to Forget Everything

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you think it knows about getting us as far as wehave, to the here we are now boathouse where we can stop holding onto our worldweary chains so much. How else can I slap this thing into a new clay pot for you? All those things that are…

My Mistress

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the ex now alien

My Moon's Famously Caught

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behind your one perfectly showcased yet irreplaceable earlobe, like a still inflated island-- in order to float away on any slight rogue gust of gregarious wind-- seedling tool kit and so I mistakenly thought I'd just …

My Morning Song is Better than Yours

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And I just want to say that my morning song is better than yours. I want you to hear it buzzing in me like an old radiator. I want you to do what you’ve done before. To press your ear against the skin and listen for the static.

My Most Humble Request

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Do not shake the baby. Shake the martini. That’s what martinis are for.

My Mother Loved To Dance

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I can picture her

My Mother Was a Bluebird - song

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My mother was a bluebird Who flew from tree to tree My father was a pilot Who flew right over me Her soul is still living There upon my tree My dad’s evaporated Right in front of me My brother’s soul has wandered Far away I see I

My Mother Was An Upright Piano

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My mother was an upright piano, spine erect, lid tightly closed, unplayable except by the maestro. My father was not the maestro.

My Multiple Personality Disorders (DID)

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...

My Name is Luka

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The first and easiest reason was that he never hit me. Well, if he never hit me, then how could it possibly be abuse? Never mind the threats to stab me in the neck. He was only angry. He really didn't mean that. Never mind he restrained me, or cornered me

My Name is Philippe

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I ought to see, in Mr. Smith's dilated pupils, the projection of his last reverie.

My Name is Smegma Jones, and I'm a Pussy: A Memoir

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[JESUS LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYBODY, BUT HE'S DEAD. NO-ONE COULD EVER LOVE YOU AS MUCH, OR YOU THEM, SO DON'T EVEN TRY. HAVE A NICE LIFE! MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!]

My Name is William Hurt and I Am a Movie Star

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Not to sound too ridiculous, but Hurt was giving me the hurt, and it felt good.

My Nashville Song

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I smell ham and biscuits I ain't eatin' Triscuits No more No more, no more Gonna get back on my Harley With my mutt named Bisquick Charlie I just ain't eatin’ Triscuits No more, no more And I heard you know the score Yeah, I know you

My Neighbor in the Apartment Across the Hall

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She's an obese woman whose clothes don't fit: shirts that ride up too high her belly hanging out her pants suctioned to her strangely pegged legs. Her ballooned cheeks are always chapped pink her lips little slivers peeled back over small beige teeth like…

My Neighborhood is F*cked Up

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There is a couple across the street who fight constantly. I feel bad watching them fight but they haven't had curtains since I moved into my new place and no one in this neighborhood can afford cable. I know that …

My Night with Sarah Palin

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I admired her stamina. Her ability to Charlie Sheen it night after night.