1321 9 8
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The giant hurled threats and insults. He brandished a knife that was a foot long.
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128111
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By: Roz Warren (and Janet Golden)I'm a humor writer. My work appears in publications from The Funny Times to The New York Times. Janet is a history professor whose writing was confined to academic journals and the occasional op-ed. Driving back from the Jersey shore one…
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1900
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The snow-capped mountains in the distance looked like a pair of pointy boobs, reminiscent of a Madonna bra.
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148700
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Gerald's law practice wasn't new. He'd worked on the law review and finished near the top of his class thirty years ago. After earning his J.D., he'd gotten a master of law in taxation. His favorite cases required researching legal precedents, and he…
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7922
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Perhaps it is not the tie itself but the way I have it threaded around my neck that offends him; the words “Little Miss Bronx” are clearly visible on the front.
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4830
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Here’s your new diet plan.
Eat 3 bugs a day.
You’ll puke so much you’ll have to lose weight.
Use a knife and fork.
Chew slowly.
Get up from the table and puke some more.
Don’t sit back down until you’re done puking.
Then eat 3 more bugs.
P
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130983
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Sherry and I stand on the sidewalk on a sunny morning, watching her dog take a dump. She's new to the neighborhood and we've just introduced ourselves. The dog, a handsome poodle, does the deed efficiently. “See you later, Gloria!“ Sherry says…
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165576
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BERT AND ERNIE -- THE PRE NUPBy Roz Warren and Janet GoldenInspired by a recent Supreme Court decision, Bert and Ernie are finally going to tie the knot! Their just signed pre-nup was leaked to us by a Muppet whose identity we've promised not to reveal, in…
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72931
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I got a male bouffant hairdo like Trump
I can’t wait to develop patience
And the next time I have a ringing in my head
I’m not going to answer it
Can I Get a New To-Do List?
I tried changing my name to Richard Vixen
Until the State Dept. too
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170653
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Please stay on the line. Or don't stay on the line. We don't care. If we cared about your call, we'd answer it. Which, to be honest, isn't going to happen. We're going to make you hold. And while you hold, we're going to subject you to some really bad…
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107232
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Scientists have discovered what I already did once on dope
way back in the Sixties.
There are so many other earths out there
that they are almost infinite.
Now in our other lives we have to
shuttle from planet to planet
reading our poems. And o
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4600
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Do we enter into an implicit agreement not to judge when someone invites us to comment on their blog? Do bright colors really make us eat faster? Is the beginning of a relationship supposed to feel like pushing a boulder up a mountain?
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144784
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“I wanted coffee, not art. That’s why I came here, and the coffee here isn’t even that good. We should have gone to the place across town, their lattes are the best.”
“How do you determine the best coffee? Do you think they have judges that go from sto
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84921
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Listening for a chain saw with one ear and to Todd and the trooper with the other, I’m trying to hustle up and finish my business - sweating in my coat and sweatshirt - and I think this: not so silly now, is it, this invisible or being able to fly choice?
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152746
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"The problem is, sometimes my pigeon wants to fly somewhere new- to the beach or south for winter. Other times, my pigeon wants to steal someone else’s lunch or picnic with a stranger’s leftovers. Often, my pigeon wants a good show and some freedom, to be
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