Most read stories

Full Stop! Punctuation Police!

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Picture a scene: Catholic School, circa 1987. In a well-ordered classroom full of future secretaries ...

In the Cemetery Where Al Jolson is Buried

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"Tell me things I won't mind forgetting," she said. "Make it useless stuff or skip it."

Little Sister

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"Hey, Ceecee." Rodrigo squatted on our three step stoop every morning, flanked by pit bulls with wide black smiles puffing steam. I jogged down the steps, leaned against a parking sign. Warmed my hands with my breath. Tugged my crop top down. "Girl, you gonna…

Monopoly Money (Or the Lesbian's guide to seducing Straight Women)

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I met Lizzie after her break up with Brad. Big-Dick-Brad she used to call him. That’s ok, I’m not a man, I don’t have penis envy, I feel sorry for men who can’t please the masses like a fruiterer.

Something Better Than This

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It's one of those raw, wrung out Yonge Street Saturday mornings. The smog-gray sky is just congealing into blue over the buildings and concrete.

Mary and Alicia (f/f erotic story, beginning)

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The feeling slowly arose that I just had to, I really needed to, kiss her. We had been such good friends, but I realized I could not resist this urge that had been building up, however scary.

Three Cigarette Stories.

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My mother is private with her grief. Since my father’s death last year there has been almost no talk of him. When she got back from the funeral, she put his clothes in boxes for Goodwill, and rearranged the furniture in the den. She won’t discuss what

Common Password Profile Users: God, Love, Lust, Money, and Private

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She leans to see fresh bruises in dawn's early light.

The Reluctant Exhibitionist

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“Why won't you let me watch you?”My stomach twisted with anxiety at his question, but also with excitement. Tim, my boyfriend of a year and a half, lathered soap on my back as we stood under the hot shower spray. He loved these post-sex showers as much as I…

The Naked Man of Barcelona

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It is no easy thing getting noticed on Las Ramblas.

Breasts and Pickups

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Two giant greasy hands were working those breasts hard, squeezing and tugging and pulling. She didn't holler.

Every Time a Fairy Gets Laid

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Once, when I fucked Tinkerbell, thirty glowing lights sprang to life in the dark static air of the by-the-hour motel room. They were new fairies I'd brought to life with each thrust. "I feel like someone's watching," I said, unsure I could continue, but Tink said,…

My Date With Satan

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My date with Satan commenced at the Sanrio store by Union Square where we went to browse through two stories of miniature Japanese school supplies and grooming accessories.

A Nerdy Valentine's Day Poem

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So I wrote you a poem Sorry if it’s geeky and weird But I’m not your traditional guy I mean I can’t even grow a beard

We

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We all got married — Suzanne, and Virginia, and I — and it was all we ever wanted to be at the time.

Space Man

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His girlfriend's probably surfing somewhere in California right now. She is an astrophysicist and a veteran and a triathlete, but she's never been up in space, like he is now, in a failing spacecraft. He knows it's failing by the way the engine sounds, like…

Two Poems by Natan Zach translated from the Hebrew

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Look, as we promised each other, we changed nothing and the world is as wonderful as it was, the rain tarries this year, but it will come: it will come as long as we’re still here.

Sex Ed With Barbie and GI Joe

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As soon as I discovered that nasty thing the grownups called “sexuality,” I just knew it would get me in a lot of trouble some day—with Jesus, my parents and some yucky boy—so I hid it. But my Mama and Daddy noticed my sinful sexiness way before I knew I

The Naked Wedding

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New Year’s day was my brother’s third wedding, and people gathered in the Memorial Garden, up the path above the main part of the camp. My mother, Terri, Quebec, and Quebec's daughter, Judy — who was Catholic and just visiting, and who wouldn't go o

My Night with Sarah Palin

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I admired her stamina. Her ability to Charlie Sheen it night after night.

Nostradamus Dies of Gout. Nostradamus Dies of a Broken Heart. Nostradamus Crosses a Bridge that is Yet to be Built.

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Nostradamus died of gout on a Friday evening. He would be the first person in history to die of complications relating to gout. Spiked rods of crystallized uric acid pushed their way through his synovial fluid just as he composed a quatrain about the end

Funny Jokes

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Why was the broom late for work?

Smoking

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"She gave me a "you're fucking stupid, kid" look and handed me a of cigarettes. It was all downhill from there."

The Chair of Rejection

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Before I published anything in a literary magazine, I was rejected by literary magazines, dozens of them, and these rejections gave birth to one of my more strange and long-lived art projects.

The Serious Writer and Her Pussy

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One can smuggle drugs inside a pussy. (also, see tags!)

How To Make Potato Salad

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Boil 8-10 red potatoes and 6 eggs in heavily salted water. Remember that the first chef you worked under taught you to salt egg-boiling water because the salt breaks down membranes between shell and meat, making the egg easier to peel later on. Decide tha

The Palatski Man

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He reappeared in spring, some Sunday morning, perhaps Easter, when the twigs of the catalpa trees budded and lawns smelled of mud and breaking seeds.

The Book

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The woman returns from the store with an armload of books. She reads them quickly, one by one, over the course of the next few weeks. But when she opens the last one, the woman frowns in surprise. All the pages in the book are blank. Every single one.

Problems Pretty Girls With Pretty Faces Face

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I think about my husband, who is dead, who has left me in this position.

Some Fairy Tale and Sleeping Beauty Poems

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The apple his slightly necrophiliac kiss saved her from soaks in the petrified sun, turned to leather, like a screaming skull of summer in its glass enactment case.