Most read stories

Full Stop! Punctuation Police!

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Picture a scene: Catholic School, circa 1987. In a well-ordered classroom full of future secretaries ...

In the Cemetery Where Al Jolson is Buried

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"Tell me things I won't mind forgetting," she said. "Make it useless stuff or skip it."

Little Sister

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"Hey, Ceecee." Rodrigo squatted on our three step stoop every morning, flanked by pit bulls with wide black smiles puffing steam. I jogged down the steps, leaned against a parking sign. Warmed my hands with my breath. Tugged my crop top down. "Girl, you gonna…

Monopoly Money (Or the Lesbian's guide to seducing Straight Women)

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I met Lizzie after her break up with Brad. Big-Dick-Brad she used to call him. That’s ok, I’m not a man, I don’t have penis envy, I feel sorry for men who can’t please the masses like a fruiterer.

Something Better Than This

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It's one of those raw, wrung out Yonge Street Saturday mornings. The smog-gray sky is just congealing into blue over the buildings and concrete.

Three Cigarette Stories.

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My mother is private with her grief. Since my father’s death last year there has been almost no talk of him. When she got back from the funeral, she put his clothes in boxes for Goodwill, and rearranged the furniture in the den. She won’t discuss what

Breasts and Pickups

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Two giant greasy hands were working those breasts hard, squeezing and tugging and pulling. She didn't holler.

The Naked Man of Barcelona

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It is no easy thing getting noticed on Las Ramblas.

The Reluctant Exhibitionist

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“Why won't you let me watch you?”My stomach twisted with anxiety at his question, but also with excitement. Tim, my boyfriend of a year and a half, lathered soap on my back as we stood under the hot shower spray. He loved these post-sex showers as much as I…

Common Password Profile Users: God, Love, Lust, Money, and Private

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She leans to see fresh bruises in dawn's early light.

Space Man

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His girlfriend's probably surfing somewhere in California right now. She is an astrophysicist and a veteran and a triathlete, but she's never been up in space, like he is now, in a failing spacecraft. He knows it's failing by the way the engine sounds, like…

My Date With Satan

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My date with Satan commenced at the Sanrio store by Union Square where we went to browse through two stories of miniature Japanese school supplies and grooming accessories.

Every Time a Fairy Gets Laid

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Once, when I fucked Tinkerbell, thirty glowing lights sprang to life in the dark static air of the by-the-hour motel room. They were new fairies I'd brought to life with each thrust. "I feel like someone's watching," I said, unsure I could continue, but Tink said,…

The Naked Wedding

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New Year’s day was my brother’s third wedding, and people gathered in the Memorial Garden, up the path above the main part of the camp. My mother, Terri, Quebec, and Quebec's daughter, Judy — who was Catholic and just visiting, and who wouldn't go o

We

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We all got married — Suzanne, and Virginia, and I — and it was all we ever wanted to be at the time.

The Book

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The woman returns from the store with an armload of books. She reads them quickly, one by one, over the course of the next few weeks. But when she opens the last one, the woman frowns in surprise. All the pages in the book are blank. Every single one.

Sex Ed With Barbie and GI Joe

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As soon as I discovered that nasty thing the grownups called “sexuality,” I just knew it would get me in a lot of trouble some day—with Jesus, my parents and some yucky boy—so I hid it. But my Mama and Daddy noticed my sinful sexiness way before I knew I

Two Poems by Natan Zach translated from the Hebrew

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Look, as we promised each other, we changed nothing and the world is as wonderful as it was, the rain tarries this year, but it will come: it will come as long as we’re still here.

A Nerdy Valentine's Day Poem

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So I wrote you a poem Sorry if it’s geeky and weird But I’m not your traditional guy I mean I can’t even grow a beard

A short, nonsense story about colours, sounds and Big Mo

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And as he looked at the departing pink cushion in his rear-view mirror (shaped like a canoe without the paddles), the latest big question popped into his mind like a hot slice of buttered brown bread from his shiny, metallic stainless steel toaster –

Fiancée

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We walk to the Narrows from the boutique, fortified by talk of men and fashion. The Narrows is a blues bar known for outbreaks of small violence. I am wearing the winter white swing coat I bought for the wedding and the gold and turquoise beads.

Apple

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Madeleines, which he hadn’t touched in twelve years, had a place in all this, were accessories in his daughter’s violation.

Fuck Me Please

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Your maddening oh-so-skinny jeans make me so hungry/I need to peel them off your narrow hips like potato skin.

My Night with Sarah Palin

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I admired her stamina. Her ability to Charlie Sheen it night after night.

Puppy Love

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When it started to really sink in that Audrey might never meet Mr. Right and that she may never have the rose garden wedding, the South Pacific honeymoon or silver Honda Odyssey replete with plump-cheeked kidlets snoozing in car seats, she got an eight-we

The Chair of Rejection

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Before I published anything in a literary magazine, I was rejected by literary magazines, dozens of them, and these rejections gave birth to one of my more strange and long-lived art projects.

Nostradamus Dies of Gout. Nostradamus Dies of a Broken Heart. Nostradamus Crosses a Bridge that is Yet to be Built.

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Nostradamus died of gout on a Friday evening. He would be the first person in history to die of complications relating to gout. Spiked rods of crystallized uric acid pushed their way through his synovial fluid just as he composed a quatrain about the end

Pigeons Having Sex On An Air Conditioner In New York

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“The place is great” we told the rental agent “except for one thing “Pigeons are nesting on the air conditioner in the bedroom window “At 7 a.m. the pigeons were having sex on the air conditioner “They started getting r

Requiem for a Glass Heart

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The stone thrower lives in a glass house with his glass family. His neighbors often stop in front of his home and stare at the flesh and blood man as he goes about the business of living with his glass wife and glass child, their glass furniture and glass lives.Every…

Wake Up

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Mr. Dorn finishes the song and stands holding his penis, looking amazed, as if penises had just been invented and he'd been asked to try this one out for size.