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Full Stop! Punctuation Police!

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Picture a scene: Catholic School, circa 1987. In a well-ordered classroom full of future secretaries ...

In the Cemetery Where Al Jolson is Buried

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"Tell me things I won't mind forgetting," she said. "Make it useless stuff or skip it."

Dear God, know me, from Adam

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When God created Adam and then Eve, he thought they were fucking awesome. It's true that Eve grew on him but even so: awesome.

Monopoly Money (Or the Lesbian's guide to seducing Straight Women)

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I met Lizzie after her break up with Brad. Big-Dick-Brad she used to call him. That’s ok, I’m not a man, I don’t have penis envy, I feel sorry for men who can’t please the masses like a fruiterer.

Mary and Alicia (f/f erotic story, beginning)

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The feeling slowly arose that I just had to, I really needed to, kiss her. We had been such good friends, but I realized I could not resist this urge that had been building up, however scary.

A Nerdy Valentine's Day Poem

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So I wrote you a poem Sorry if it’s geeky and weird But I’m not your traditional guy I mean I can’t even grow a beard

Something Better Than This

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It's one of those raw, wrung out Yonge Street Saturday mornings. The smog-gray sky is just congealing into blue over the buildings and concrete.

My Night with Sarah Palin

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I admired her stamina. Her ability to Charlie Sheen it night after night.

How To Make Potato Salad

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Boil 8-10 red potatoes and 6 eggs in heavily salted water. Remember that the first chef you worked under taught you to salt egg-boiling water because the salt breaks down membranes between shell and meat, making the egg easier to peel later on. Decide tha

The Naked Man of Barcelona

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It is no easy thing getting noticed on Las Ramblas.

The Reluctant Exhibitionist

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“Why won't you let me watch you?”My stomach twisted with anxiety at his question, but also with excitement. Tim, my boyfriend of a year and a half, lathered soap on my back as we stood under the hot shower spray. He loved these post-sex showers as much as I…

The Serious Writer and Her Pussy

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One can smuggle drugs inside a pussy. (also, see tags!)

Danëh

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Freedom comes with a price

My Date With Satan

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My date with Satan commenced at the Sanrio store by Union Square where we went to browse through two stories of miniature Japanese school supplies and grooming accessories.

Three Cigarette Stories.

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My mother is private with her grief. Since my father’s death last year there has been almost no talk of him. When she got back from the funeral, she put his clothes in boxes for Goodwill, and rearranged the furniture in the den. She won’t discuss what

THE SWEAT FROM A BROW

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And God told Adam and Eve as they were expelled from Eden, "the sweat from your brow will now be the water for your garden."

Problems Pretty Girls With Pretty Faces Face

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I think about my husband, who is dead, who has left me in this position.

Every Time a Fairy Gets Laid

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Once, when I fucked Tinkerbell, thirty glowing lights sprang to life in the dark static air of the by-the-hour motel room. They were new fairies I'd brought to life with each thrust. "I feel like someone's watching," I said, unsure I could continue, but Tink said,…

Star Anise

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She wonders if Minh knows fear, if it is something that forms in the womb, like fingernails.

The Body of a Cow

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It’s Halloween in veterinary school. The large-animal vet who is lecturing today on introductory nomenclature in bovine medicine is dressed in full Holstein uniform. His entire body is cloaked in white cloth, with black patches sewed on and a three-dim

Piece of Mind

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Samuel wondered if Megan could hear the brains humming, but like so many of the questions Samuel had for Megan, it was difficult to find the right moment to ask.

Moving Day

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I didn’t hear that Duncan Pratt had been killed until I’d been out of the Army for two weeks and had gone four days without a single thought about that final year in Vietnam.

The Palatski Man

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He reappeared in spring, some Sunday morning, perhaps Easter, when the twigs of the catalpa trees budded and lawns smelled of mud and breaking seeds.

Woman, Running Late, in a Dress

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Gasps and shouts, a hand on my arm, sequined gowns and expensive colognes parting before me. And then, there, Raymond’s crumpled form on the hardwood floor of the foyer, like a sleeve torn from a jacket, the stitches frayed and useless.

Revenge at the Nudist Camp

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When my mother called to tell me what had happened with Francine, she was crying. The minute Francine left, my mother understood that woman had bamboozled her. We got on the next jet down to L.A. and rented a car. Gina and I drove all the way out past Ont

Some Fairy Tale and Sleeping Beauty Poems

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The apple his slightly necrophiliac kiss saved her from soaks in the petrified sun, turned to leather, like a screaming skull of summer in its glass enactment case.

Recent Rejection Letters

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Dear Meg, Thank you for submitting your breasts to our evening last night. Your cleavage has been carefully considered, but unfortunately I've decided not to explore further. That said, remember that I am a fan of women in general; my tastes, biases, and opinions…

The Chair of Rejection

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Before I published anything in a literary magazine, I was rejected by literary magazines, dozens of them, and these rejections gave birth to one of my more strange and long-lived art projects.

Cheat Sheets

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I decided to cheat on my husband the day the washing machine broke. It was Darrell's fault, anyway. If he hadn't tried to wash the dog in the Maytag, none of this would've happened. It just goes to show that a man who forsakes the normal use of a househol

Space Man

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His girlfriend's probably surfing somewhere in California right now. She is an astrophysicist and a veteran and a triathlete, but she's never been up in space, like he is now, in a failing spacecraft. He knows it's failing by the way the engine sounds, like…