Why did Susan's coffee taste like mud? It was fresh ground.
What word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly.
Why was the broom late for work? He overswept.
What shakes at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck.
What kind of tree would have the best bark? Dogwood.
What fruits do twins like best? Pears.
Why are calendars so popular They have a lot of dates.
Why did Julia stay cool during the baseball game? She stood with the fans.
Why was the car always sleepy? Because it was tired.
What kind of boats do vampires like? Blood vessels.
What kind of pie do ghosts like? Booberry.
Why does the library have so many floors? It's full of stories.
Why are math textbooks always stressed? They have so many problems.
What has a bottom at the top? A leg.
Why do strings never win? They can only tie.
What did Shelia tell the owner of the missing Dalmatian? He was spotted.
What did the zookeeper use to unlock the cage? A monkey wrench.
If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay? Bagels.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crumby.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Where did the baseball keep its lemonade? In a pitcher.
Why do basketball players wear bibs? They dribble a lot.
What do you call two elephants talking? A heavy discussion.
Why did Sally put her bicycle to bed early? It was two tired.
What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese.
How did Dolores mend the farmer's pants? With cabbage patches.
What's the only bone that can play music? A trombone.
Why was the rock climber nervous? He was at a cliffhanger.
How did Melanie improve her hearing? She ate an ear of corn.
Where did Sally take her bees for fun? The wax museum.
How do skeletons communicate? Cell bones.
What gets whiter as it gets dirtier? A Chalkboard.
What did the dog say to the bone? I'm pleased to eat you.
What would you eat while watching a scary movie? Ice cream.
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This is a story told completely in jokes and the jokes are appropriations from Popsicle sticks. There can be no "author" of a text, nor even a secretary to segregate from all utterance an original stream of same, but there may be a public accountant who records debits against taste and gains against death and suffering. I aspire to be, along with Ellery Queen, a kind of CPA.