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20232023 views66 comments44 favs

When Quince came rolling up into my front yard that morning, we were up to our neck in August, staring down a seventh-grade year that had crept perilously close when we weren’t looking. I’m thirty-five years clear of it now, and I can still sense Texas on

Saving Grace

20232023 views00 comments00 favs

It essentially comes down to this: If you have nothing left but paper, all you can really use it for is wiping your behind if you’re in a jam.

Three Sentences, Adding up to One Spectacular Disease-Ridden Bed of the Broken Hearted

20232023 views1212 comments99 favs

1.Oh yes, I'm just kicking around in the leftover moon dust you could say I'm certainly not waiting around for your satellite feed anymore certainly never ever hoping to see if your free falling hair strands still look…

The Duck, the Clock, and the Condom

20222022 views99 comments77 favs

Every night famous authors read not only to us, but to a duck. A wild female who emerged from the lake just as we were gathering, settled her gray-brown feathers down not three feet from the podium, tucked her head inside her wing, and remained there. If the duck liked…

Stevie Wonder

20212021 views33 comments22 favs

Like Prince said one time, parties aren't meant to last. Guys who don't get the message are guys who die by the inch.

Sugarfoot Pond

20212021 views1313 comments1111 favs

i was jus countin' your heartbeats, Emmie and you know what? i think they's the same as mine!

Science Homework

20212021 views22 comments22 favs

The difficulty of disabled parenting was predictable, but nothing could prepare me for having to say goodbye to my wife again on problem #7.

Bert & Ernie: The Pre Nup

20212021 views77 comments66 favs

BERT AND ERNIE -- THE PRE NUPBy Roz Warren and Janet GoldenInspired by a recent Supreme Court decision, Bert and Ernie are finally going to tie the knot! Their just signed pre-nup was leaked to us by a Muppet whose identity we've promised not to reveal, in…

The Serious Writer and His Penis

20212021 views4747 comments2222 favs

Only strong personalities can endure such size, the weak ones are extinguished by it.

Withdrawal

20202020 views1414 comments1313 favs

Are you interested in a new account?

Out of That Bed 1963

20202020 views22 comments33 favs

My father's hands were huge. His left knuckles gashed as a kid when he rode his bike too close to a moving train. When his fingers fisted around a glass, the scarred joints bulged from his grip like blind eyes.

Born Too Soon: America's Hottest Teachers

20202020 views00 comments11 fav

The teachers who get caught propositioning male students are always wholesome family women. This is why I have repeatedly called for regular round-ups of wholesome family women before another young man’s morals are corrupted.

'Introduction' to LETTING IT ALL HANG OUT

20202020 views00 comments00 favs

Was Sligo an unfeeling privacy-violator or an uncannily-feeling empath, privy to the deepest longings of those whose lives he came in contact with? [...] Sligo's grave is as silent as these pages ultimately would be if they were left unread.

Like Trial and (Also) like Error

20202020 views1717 comments1010 favs

We sat all in a muffledlittle line up, on theconcrete lips of tomorrow'ssleepy chin, like all the world's good little children should, as the paradelimped itself slowly by, slapping itself against the young day'sexcitement like a damaged flattire, trying its…

The Paprika Ewer

20202020 views55 comments44 favs

Valeria never whistled. Nor did she approve of people who did. One thing she had learned in her sixty-seven years was that people who whistled were crass. Butchers whistled. So did peasants.

Boys of Summer in Yonkers (Memoir Excerpt # 2)

20202020 views66 comments11 fav

I am coming to understand how many memories of my father involve him, driving

The Great San Francisco Poetry Wars, 4

20192019 views44 comments00 favs

That night we slept on the floor of Kirk and Maggie’s apartment and listened to them arguing all night about art and life and love. Ah, me, I sighed, the sad soul of America! I thought of Walt Whitman. I thought of Allen Ginsberg.

Corporal Punishment

20192019 views1414 comments1313 favs

When I was a little boy, I had a thing about women’s behinds.

"Changes" Isn't Just A David Bowie Song

20192019 views1111 comments88 favs

Erin Hoffmeyer Zulkoski. I was at work today, doodling on a piece of scrap paper. I often find myself writing my name, practicing my signature, for when I become famous. I have always written "Erin Zulkoski." Today, I wrote "Erin Hoffmeyer." This…

We Don't Need No Education

20182018 views2727 comments1919 favs

“There’s an ill energy that emanates from your precise heart that I find attractive”

Fall Of The Twin Towers

20182018 views44 comments00 favs

Sitting at an outside table at the Bassett Café on West Broadway, I remember, in the background always the Twin Towers behind me in the photographs from that time And the sparrows in New York, bolder than anywhere working over the scrap

Rosaleen In Mourning

20182018 views1818 comments1111 favs

She hardly twitches. Her face regards the stars. If her body is an object, it is the isthmus before global warming. They want to find the source of the glacier in her eyes that is always melting. Maybe they like a woman who cries.

What He Knows What She Knows What You Know

20182018 views88 comments77 favs

next time i come around i want to be a redwood.

Countdown

20182018 views00 comments00 favs

I’m twenty eight years old, and I am dying.

Boredom & Ennui

20172017 views00 comments00 favs

I had a weird feeling I had just validated his behavior — provided another tile in the mosaic of his ego and self-esteem — by doing nothing more than entering this hall of mirrors, and reflecting.

Flash Fiction With Instructions

20172017 views77 comments66 favs

The protagonist’s story goes like this: 1.) You are young. You’ll get over it.

Arcana Magi Behind the Scenes: Character Sheets

20172017 views00 comments00 favs

A behind the scenes look at the character designs of the Arcana Magi Universe.

Gerade rechts zum Volkszimmer

20172017 views2626 comments1616 favs

So, we are all healthy but suffering financially, not equally so, and the tendency to suffer financially has been caused by humbling ourselves to particular men. We take a quiz in moral values, phrased as a party game.

Monsieur Editor and Madame Malaprop

20162016 views1010 comments33 favs

They slept in the same bed but that was all they had in common. He, an editor, had shelves filled with literary works and she, his wife of many years and never much of a reader, had strewn their penthouse apartment with Madeline children’s books.

Zombie

20152015 views1010 comments55 favs

If it were known that I am as stupid as I am, if the press were to open that page on TV, if the laughter shot itself like fireworks out into the road--