Most read stories

Keep more opinions to yourself

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You read your fortune cookie:

Untouched By Me, Alas!

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Another run-in with the police happened one night in Elmhurst. I was seeing this girl I'd met in my Shakespeare night class at Elmhurst College. She and I and Andy and a friend of hers, I think, were parked in front of her house, drinking a six pack of beer when her…

Bums of the Bird World

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Yeah, okay, so pigeons are the bums of the bird world So what are a flock of crows working over a wheat field while the artist Vincent is desperately trying to live with his bleeding ear or to sell at least one painting during

There.

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There: you see a woman who has laid hands on the man she walks with. Tomorrow she will kill herself. Let me speak her life. Born alone, without event. Moon, gibbous. Month, Julius, the tail end. A Leo. Many other signs and wonders seen to have been…

Tin Foil Hat Sold Separately

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When I finish recording this tape, I will bury it under the azaleas in my front lawn. I have left instructions for my attorney that, on the first full moon after my death, he should have Oliver Stone dig it up during the dead of night and deliver it to Ji

End Game

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Where the Story LiesEverybody wants to knowwhere the story lies. Does itlie in childhood? Does it liein old age? Does it lie in anangry outburst or a stingingrebuke? Does it lie in a momentof compassion or in the recognitionof calloused selfishness? Bruisedlove or…

The Ghost's Tale

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Don’t worry, she said It’s not blonde down there But she is wrong It’s just as blonde down there As anywhere The light down along her arms For instance The down along her cheek On the back of her neck Her thighs Apparently I am n

Hot Rocks

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We go to the spa on my wife’s day off and get a manipedi. A swarm of little women pounces and works on our fingers and toes.

Rubble

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My mind fabricated the smell of gunpowder as I pushed down.

The Roses of Gettysburg

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Mothers and sons and war, an old story...

Buster

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I should care more.

Alpha Three

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Jerry turned away from the window to face the box on wheels. Its camera would scan his face, looking for the answers.

Ripped from the Headlines

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Their relationship had proved volatile. The husband had gone missing. The wife had gone dead.

Outing

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My friend and I were arranging the things in my closet because we literally had nothing to do but he found himself in my house again, which he described to me like a disease...

"Not like a duck"

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with its head cut off

Attacking Panic

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I'm panicking trying to think of the next line in this poem

gravelortian part 12

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He said I was doing it all wrong Opened up his ghastly mouth

Flying the Potty-Mouthed Skies

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People think being the best-selling author of the Pokey Little Bunny™ series of children’s books is nothing but cream-filled cupcakes, but they’re wrong.

Sorting It All Out

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To understand how and when things have gone wrong, it works best to proceed from the beginning and put them in order.

for the queen of lapis lazuli

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you kissed me, once,/ kindergarten, recall--/ behind my ear./ called/ 'bee sting'

WILD

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Most days you couldn't win; the constant nag from the fact that it was all a game was your only comfort. I was at the unemployment office again. The gal at the counter'd seen me enough to know when the printer was out of ink so she could walk away.

Summer Bop & Some Are Not

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This is Bop even if you think it doesn't sound like that.

Supermarket Limbo

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As soon as a complication emerges, the obvious choice is to move to another line. But I don't. I can't.

Lucky Tuesday

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Ha. “Real damage.” The guy was in the ICU when I woke up in the jail cell. Turns out he was a cop. In a small town. The town where it happened. How I ended up in the state police holding cell, I have no idea. Just lucky, I guess.

universal placeholder

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ambiguity of lightning

UNFINISHED

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In his dreams he was building a house. He wasn't sure if it was in the city or in the country. He wasn't sure. He thought, perhaps, it looked like the city but there seemed to be too many trees.

Could Be

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Years later, the couple is different in some terribly profound way. Maybe they have grown old and begun to look like one another. Or maybe they have been divorced and haven't spoken in months or years except through the kids, who they spoil and use against their…

Pension Plan

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Let's put a cork in this drain.

The Infamous Kiss

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When the sailor heard the 2nd World War had just ended He grabbed the woman in the white dress Bent her backwards in Times Square And kissed her real good And the photographer Just happened to be there At the right moment But then As

Earthquake 4.0

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I thought the dog was up to someting.