Most read stories

Spring

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We fall through two feet of clouds and dragons before we land softly on our feet in clover and crab grass.

Lucky Tuesday

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Ha. “Real damage.” The guy was in the ICU when I woke up in the jail cell. Turns out he was a cop. In a small town. The town where it happened. How I ended up in the state police holding cell, I have no idea. Just lucky, I guess.

Practice Questions: Grade 7

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When the deer did come, I couldn't shoot straight. I didn't feel scared, but I didn't want to miss and my hand was shaking. I hurried. I held my gun pointing out at the path and fired. But it went a little wild and instead of taking the deer down, I shot

Geek Squad

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Big hair shoulder pads hell no.

Untouched By Me, Alas!

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Another run-in with the police happened one night in Elmhurst. I was seeing this girl I'd met in my Shakespeare night class at Elmhurst College. She and I and Andy and a friend of hers, I think, were parked in front of her house, drinking a six pack of beer when her…

Submission

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Periodically I try to vacuum up their eight-legged asses but they hide in the cable drop.

Attacking Panic

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I'm panicking trying to think of the next line in this poem

Tin Foil Hat Sold Separately

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When I finish recording this tape, I will bury it under the azaleas in my front lawn. I have left instructions for my attorney that, on the first full moon after my death, he should have Oliver Stone dig it up during the dead of night and deliver it to Ji

Hot Rocks

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We go to the spa on my wife’s day off and get a manipedi. A swarm of little women pounces and works on our fingers and toes.

WILD

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Most days you couldn't win; the constant nag from the fact that it was all a game was your only comfort. I was at the unemployment office again. The gal at the counter'd seen me enough to know when the printer was out of ink so she could walk away.

The Girl With the Bobby Pin Hair

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She had covered her laughing mouth, trying to prevent him from seeing a storied past.

Rubble

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My mind fabricated the smell of gunpowder as I pushed down.

Roza

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Very upsetting morning. I've fallen madly in love with the cat upstairs named Roza. She's one of the sweetest cats I've ever met. Her owner is a retired Romanian woman about my own age named Ingrid. Roza has one bad eye and one good eye. The bad eye looks like a…

Little Box of Courage

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Something I loathe even more than children are Floridian Drivers. It's not even because of their horrid driving capabilities, but more so because of their attitudes. Within the confines of their comfy little car, they are able to build up the…

Buster

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I should care more.

The Poet

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It dawned on herthat her imagination hadswollen beyond belief

Ideal Man

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“Mirela,” I said. “Mirela, Mirela, Mirela.” I must have told him a hundred times, no exaggeration. “What the hell kind of name is that?” I ignored him, lit a smoke and watched a group of teenage girls as they laughed their way…

Tendrils

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you stand ashore

"Not like a duck"

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with its head cut off

The Infamous Kiss

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When the sailor heard the 2nd World War had just ended He grabbed the woman in the white dress Bent her backwards in Times Square And kissed her real good And the photographer Just happened to be there At the right moment But then As

Sorting It All Out

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To understand how and when things have gone wrong, it works best to proceed from the beginning and put them in order.

The Man Who Memorized Kubla Khan

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Weave a circle round him thrice And with bemusement shake your head, For he on cod and beans hath fed And drunk the beer of Paradise.

for the queen of lapis lazuli

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you kissed me, once,/ kindergarten, recall--/ behind my ear./ called/ 'bee sting'

Summer Bop & Some Are Not

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This is Bop even if you think it doesn't sound like that.

The Roses of Gettysburg

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Mothers and sons and war, an old story...

Brains

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My memory is like tracks in the snow. My memory is cookie dough. My memory is dirty tube socks.

Supermarket Limbo

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As soon as a complication emerges, the obvious choice is to move to another line. But I don't. I can't.

“What Is Poetry Anyway?” He Said While Looking at the Sink Holding a French Fry Aloft

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—mashed potatoes / with emeralds in it—

Sea of indifference

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Sea of indifference Coming and going Never committing Like a fickle lover that erodes a hopeful heart

I am, I am not.

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I am— a plan in progress. I am motion in motion, a direction headed in the right direction by way of an off beaten trail of misdirection.